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Tuesday Diary: Boozy Lunches, Rauf Denktash and Writing For The Sun

Jerry Hayes recalls when Tony Blair thought he had crossed the floor.

By Jerry Hayes

17 Jan 2012, 08:30

Is it ever ok to cross the floor?

* What a joy to have a day off and have a delightfully drunken lunch at the Savile Club. And it was great to bump into veteran Irish Lobby correspondent, Andy Sheppard to spend some glorious hours reminiscing about our mutual friend the legendary RTE correspondent, Mike Burns. In the days of Thatcher he was not just a power in Eire but a force of nature in Britain. At one party conference, journos were horrified to learn that the train taking them back to London was not coupled to a buffet and bar. There would have been riots had not Burns personally telephoned the chairman of British Rail who arranged a carriage groaning with the devil’s buttermilk. He once took me to a Dublin barbeque at the Taoiseach’s press secretary’s home, the legendary Sean Dignan. It was six thirty for seven. We arrived at nine for a sit down meal. At two am we were singing. At three the room was emptying, which rather confused me. Until I discovered that well refreshed bodies were being dumped in the hallway. Then we started crying and Burns suggested we go and have a chat with Albert (Reynolds) because, as a former band leader, the best time to visit was at four in the morning. I have absolutely no recollection whether we did or not. And then there was the time we bumped into Charlie Haughey. “Burns, you shit what are doing with that bastard Jerry Hayes? Well, never mind. You both better come and see my new office which I’ve fucking frittered away millions of the taxpayers money.” And we did. Happy days.

* Yesterday, I was sorry to read of the death of Rauf Denktash, the former guerrilla leader and eventually President of Turkish Cyprus. I went to interview him with a seasoned bunch of grizzled journalists from the lobby. We had a wonderful time, were royally entertained, and met Dentash in the former British Governor’s mansion, which had more evil eye symbols than I have ever seen in one room. Recovering from many nights of fact finding, we ended up in the VIP lounge at the airport in the early morning bidding farewell to a few pints of complimentary Effes Turkish lager. Sadly, one of our number fell a little unwell and felt the need to visit the facilities. Ten, then twenty, then thirty minutes passed and our host was getting worried that the aircraft might leave without us. So we went into the lavatories to hear terrible wailing sounds. Our chum had collapsed and locked himself in. There was only one thing for it. We broke the door down and carried him onto the plane. I don’t think they minded too much as we felt so guilt ridden that in the best traditions of Her Majesty’s press we gave the place a great write up.

* I heard from an impeccable shadow cabinet source that Yvette Cooper, despite coming top of the poll is not really all that popular with the brothers and sisters as some would like to portray. I am reliably informed that she only received so many votes as a device to block another woman getting elected to that august body. The last time that happened was when Labour first introduced quotas of women for the shadow cabinet. The boys were so incensed that they elected an unknown and very eccentric backbencher, Mildred Gordon for a joke. Kinnock was so pissed off that he never gave her a job.

* It is rather sad that one of Labour’s few voices of sanity, Tom Harris, has been kicked off the rather non job as digital tsar for having a bit of fun on the internet. Whether you agree with him or not the man, unlike his leader, knows how to communicate. And the shrill voices of the left condemning the cerebral Luke Bozier’s defection to the Tories is deeply unpleasant. I’ll never forget covering the victorious Labour conference in 1997. Tory MP, Alan Howarth, had just defected and I was in a room with Tony Blair, who came up to me and looked rather bewildered. He clearly thought that I had jumped ship too. “Fuck, Jerry, they never told me!” he smiled.”  “No, no, no! I’m just covering the conference for the SUN.” which led to a mammoth Blair grin. Whatever people say about the guy, he was a good laugh.