When a Child is Born
Shelagh Fogarty celebrates an unconventional birth.
15 Aug 2011, 08:48
Baby celebration
I was a guest yesterday at a ceremony to name a baby whose mother and father are lifelong friends whose families know and respect each other. The baby's parents aren't married. One - a close friend of mine - is a gay man, the other a straight woman. The partner of one was declared a 'guide parent' and all three made public promises to love and educate their child. It was a lovely celebration for a little boy as welcome into the world as it's possible to be.
Grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, and friends toasted his name and his future. His parents had asked me to MC the ceremony (talk for a living, you see) and I'd happily agreed. It struck me during this unusual day that here we had the very things missing from so many homes. Happiness, openness, responsible adults, and supportive relatives. After a week when most of us despaired at some point about the state of many children's home lives, here was a big extended family welcoming a little boy into what many will no doubt regard as an undesirable set up.
I for one can't wait to see this newly named boy grow up. I have absolutely no doubt that he'll be special and given a first rate upbringing.
I'm instinctively conservative about the increasingly varied ways people come into being. My friend knew that when he asked me to host the ceremony. Maybe we should all worry more about 'what' a child is born into than 'how' he or she is born.
Comments (4)
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Lovely story Shelagh. Made me reflect on the current chatter. Parent's not married, not a traditional family, then the child's future is condemed - I think not. It's about how the child is brought up and the values and morals instilled in the child.
Good luck and love to this baby boy.
15/08/2011 12:48I couldn't disagree more. This story is a microcosm of the liberalisation of British culture. I wish this little boy well, and I'm sure he'll grow up fine, but the lack of defined and respected structure of family life is a rich man's privilege.
When we lend our support to the breaking down of these structures and institutions we increase the choices of people who are already secure, but we increase the vunerability of the poor and excluded.
15/08/2011 18:03As cousin to the mother of the beautiful boy in question and a mother of three myself I feel compelled to add a comment in response to the accusation this family lacks the defined and respected structure of family life!!
Born to a mother and father who have known each other for all their adult lives and have come together in a relationship of trust, respect and yes love! They have brought a child into the world who was desperately wanted and loved. So far I fail to see the lack of convention.
This child has a strong female role model in his mother! She is intelligent, articulate and brings a wealth of experiences which have enriched her life and will enrich her sons! She can teach him the value of education, travel, career success, responsibilty and automomy as she has achieved all these things herself.
Yet she is not raising him isolation, he has the male role models convention tells us are necessary, his father brings all the things his mother does also. What an incredibly fortunate child! So far his parents are just the kind of people society seems to need to be raising the next generation.
This child has the example of his fathers partnership if needs evidence of a loving and supportive relationship. What may be perceived as complexities in the dynamic of this family situation boils down to a very simple fact, three adults who like, love, respect, trust and are entirely committed to each other love one little boy!
He was wanted and is loved, by three beautiful people, but there is more!
As is evident by my contribution this boys mother and I belong to a large but incredibly close extended family. Our parents are brother and sister and we have grown up within the most "conventional" of families between my fathers siblings there is a total of over 160 years of marriage, no divorce and many many shared christmas dinners. Belonging to this is wonderful. My aunts, uncles and cousins have shared the best and worst times of my life and supported me entirely, this baby joins this family! With its defined respected structure but it is not this structure which makes it great, it is the love, support, generosity and tolerance it provides. I can only speak of my side of this family but as we joined each other and came together in this naming ceremony it was more than clear that this family has just got even bigger as we welcomed this boy and the extended family of his father and guidefather.
To say this boy is welcome is an understatment! The news of his impending arrival brought joy to our whole family as the happiness it has brought to his mother is so richly deserved and long awaited we all share in the joy and our love for all them.
He is a beautiful child who is being raised in love with a huge family with the most conventional of ethics and moral values, Respect! Responsiblity! Tolerance! Dignity! Love! None of them the preserve of the rich! All of them free! If his conception was unconventional his family is not! All the qualities demonstrated in this family are ones of inclusion and not exclusion. this family is sucure not by priviledge it is by mutual support and tolerance.
We are a thoroughly working class family who with a spirit of responsibility and accountablilty and bloody hard work provide for ourselves and endevour to extend the boundaries of our family to include anyone. This little boy will be more than fine thank you very much!!
As a midwife in a location which includes several areas of significant deprivation I see every single day the families bringing new life in to our society. Some "conventional" others less so. I wish everyone the benefit of a family like mine!!
16/08/2011 09:11A social experiment in child-rearing with the child, by default, as the subject..hmmm....not convinced.
Of course the friends and family rally around in support - they wouldn't be proper friends or a decent family if they didn't.
The heartfelt support of your nearest and dearest therefore isn't the best guide as to whether what you are doing is right.
As ever in our country the influence-less, conservative (small 'c' deliberate) silent majority will be shaking their heads and wondering, yet again, what the world is coming to. Anything goes it seems - hey ho.
18/08/2011 15:35