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UK Politics

The Tonbridge Open Primary Showed the Tories At Their Best

3 Nov 2013 at 14:31

Yesterday morning I became poacher turned gamekeeper, or was it the other way around? Back in 2009 I was a candidate in the Bracknell Open Primary. There were seven candidates in the final. I came third, behind Rory Stewart, and the eventual winner, local GP Philip Lee. Yesterday morning I was the moderator of the Tonbridge & Malling Open Primary. It was a far more pleasurable experience quizzing the four finalists than being one of them, I can assure you.

A few weeks ago I got a call asking me if I would moderate the open primary, presumably on the basis that I lived only a mile over the constituency borders. My first instinct was to say no, partly because it was a day when West Ham were at home, and I would be at the start of a much needed, and long awaited, week’s holiday. To be honest, I also wondered if my little incident on Brighton sea front might also be another reason to say no. The last thing the local association needed was adverse publicity at a time when it should be concentrating on extolling the virtues of the open primary. In addition, I thought it highly likely that I would know one or two of the finalists. In the end, having initially decline, I was persuaded to do it, and looking back I am glad I did.

I purposely didn’t ask the constituency agent, Andrew Kennedy, or the chairman, Jacques Arnold, the identities of the long listed candidates, and I only found out the names of the final four at the same time as everyone else. They were Ed Argar, Vicky Atkins, Tom Tugendhat and Chris Philp. Chris was the only one of the three I knew at all. Back in 2003 or so I published a book of essays he had edited for the Bow Group, but our paths hadn’t crossed since. I checked with Andrew and Jacques and neither felt that to be an issue, and I was confident I could interview all four perfectly equitably.

Andrew, Jacques and I met a couple of weeks ago to agree the format, which didn’t take very long. I was very keen to give the audience as much opportunity to ask questions as possible. Candidates nowadays don’t make full speeches, they just get 3 minutes at the beginning to say why they should be chosen. I then had 12 minutes to quiz them, followed by 15 minutes of questions from the audience. I explained to Andrew and Jacques that I had no intention of asking them many policy questions and I felt my role was to enable the audience to get to know them as people and to find out more about their characters. So I drew up a list of questions to achieve that aim. Clearly, to be fair to all candidates, they all had to be asked similar questions. When I met the candidates I explained my approach and this was an opportunity for them to show the audience a human side to their characters. I said I was not looking to trip them up, but they should expect the unexpected. I wanted them to know that they would really have to think on their feet.

The meeting began with a short welcome from Jacques Arnold and Sarah Newton MP, Deputy Chairman in charge of candidates. She had got up at 2am and driven to Kent from Cornwall – way beyond the call of duty if you ask me! There followed a video, made by CCHQ about the life of an MP. It contained four fly on the wall films and interviews and four very different Tory MPs from the 2010 intake, Sajid Javid, Jessica Lee, Karren Bradley and Stephen Metcalfe. I think the aim was to show the audience that the role of an MP had changed over the years and they should bear that in mind when deciding who to vote for. The video was rather good and served its purpose well, apart from one or two typos in the captioning!

And then it was showtime! There were around 400 people in the audience and having given up their Saturday morning I thought they needed to be entertained as well informed. so I deliberately used humour throughout the proceedings, including during the candidate interviews. I knew it was a dangerous thing to do (especially when I told a rather risque anecdote) because if I overdid it I would be accused of hogging the limelight, but in the end it all seemed to go down very well judging from comments afterwards.I explained how the morning would work and that I would not be asking a lot of political questions to the candidates, that would be the job of the audience. The candidates had drawn lots and Ed Argar was on first. He had been in the Newark selection the night before but seemed to be on good form. I was impressed with the way he answered all the questions in a very calm and reasonable manner. He connected with the audience and displayed a good sense of humour. But being first can be a disadvantage because by the end people have forgotten why they were impressed by you.

Next up was Chris Philp. I had insisted they all wear radio mics, rather than use hand held mics or be forced to stand behind the lecturn by a static mic. It was very interesting to see how they moved around the stage and interacted with the audience. Chris placed himself right at the centre at the front of the stage to get as near the audience as possible, to the extent that when I asked a question he had to look behind him. He certainly connected and was quite animated throughout. It was a strong performance, especially on the answer to one of my more personal questions

Vicky Atkins was next and used her first three minutes very well. In fact they all did, and three of them were bang on three minutes without needing any reminder from me to stop. She was very strong in connecting with the audience, using some of her personal and work experiences to illustrate how she would handle the job of being an MP. One of the questions someone in the audience asked to every candidate was this: “What do you think of the Tonbridge & Malling cycling strategy”. Vicky’s reply got the biggest laugh of the day, when she said “I am delighted there is one!”. It’s a very good lesson to any would be candidate. You get more kudos by admitting you haven’t got a clue rather than try to bluster your way out of it.

Tom Tudgendhat, the eventual winner, came across as very genuine, not from the normal political stable and used his military background to illustrate several of his answers. He even recited a bit of poetry during one answer to a question, which must be a first at a candidate selection. He will have appealed in a way that some of the others may not have to the non Conservatives or independents in the audience and to be honest I think he charmed them.

In short, any one of them could have won. Often you get one candidate who puts in a much weaker performance than the others and therefore gets hardly any votes at all. That didn’t happen here. The worst thing to happen to any of them was that one of the candidates gave a very weak answer to a question on how they would react to an emergency incident in the constituency, and probably felt at that point they had blown it. But the true test of someone is how they come back from a potentially knock out blow. And in this case they came back all guns blazing and recovered well. Every losing candidate spends the whole journey home, and the probably the days after thinking “If only I had done this, or said that, or not said that” but sometimes a candidates wins just because they happened to be in the right place at the right time and connects with an audience.

The fact that the first candidate to be eliminated actually got quite a lot of votes tells you how even their performances actually were. The fact that it went to three ballots demonstrates that it was all very close.

I said to the meeting that I would happily lay a bet that all four candidates would be in the House of Commons after the next election, and I truly believe that. It was a pleasure to preside over the proceedings. I hope they all thought I handled it fairly and equitably and that the losing three don’t beat themselves up too much. The really important point is that you learn from the experience and deploy those lessons in the next selection that you go for. That’s possibly one of the reasons I never made it to Parliament in the end – I didn’t take enough notice of the mistakes I made in selections and failed to ensure I didn’t repeat them.

A final word about the organisation of the event. It was exemplary. No stone was left unturned and everyone knew that every eventuality had been prepared for. Andrew Kennedy, the agent, and his team deserve huge praise for the way they conducted this selection. It could all have gone horribly wrong but his attention to detail and immaculate planning ensured that a good time was had by all and that the day went off without a hitch. If any association is looking to conduct an open primary in the future, they could do worse than ask Andrew how to do it.

I don’t know how many non-Conservatives there were in the audience – probably 10-15%, I suspect. Did they make any difference in the final result? No one can ever say for definite, but I doubt it very much. This open primary served to open the Conservative Party up to the local community. It showed them at their best and if there were any Labour or LibDem activists there, they can’t have failed to have been impressed by the way it all panned out. One day, you never know, they may even do the same themselves!

Peter Franklin has another take on the day on ConHome HERE

Andrew Kennedy has also written his reflections on the process on his excellent BLOG together with a pictorial record of the day HERE

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ConservativeHome Diary Week 29: For Once, Ed Balls Was Right

1 Nov 2013 at 15:11

Tomorrow morning, I’m moderating Tonbridge & Malling’s Open Primary, where local people will select a candidate to follow Sir John Stanley. My last experience of an open primary was competing in one in Bracknell in 2009, and a few weeks before that chairing the Bedford Mayoral Open Primary. The latter turned out to be rather more exciting that it should have been, with almost a riot on the night and allegations of skulduggery against several of the candidates. I won’t forget that evening in a hurry. In Bracknell, there were seven finalists, and it became a bit like the X Factor as one after another of us were voted out. I lasted until the last three before local GP Philip Lee emerged as the winner. I was gutted as I knew I had been in with a good chance, and it probably signalled the end of my candidate ambitions. I did do one more selection, in East Surrey, but made an absolute stinker of a speech and came last in a final of six. Nowadays candidates don’t even have to make a speech, which seems a bit odd to me as making speeches is in fact a major part of an MP’s job. Apparently it’s to help women succeed as men are supposedly more capable of rabble rousing. Tell that to Priti Patel, who won Witham by making a memorable speech which was, I am told, of the rabble rousing variety! There will be at least 500 constituents there, a figure which on its own justifies the format. Last night, I read through the application forms of the final four candidates. None of them are career politicians and each has a record of achievement outside politics. One of them will have their life changed forever tomorrow. Good luck to all four.


Ed Balls was, and is right. Sharon Shoesmith – she of Haringey council and Baby P – deserved to lose her job. She certainly doesn’t deserve to trouser £600,000 for unfair dismissal. If she had had any ounce of self-worth or honour she would have resigned her position as Head of Childrens’ Services as the buck stopped with her. She presided over a chaotic department, which was totally incapable of carrying out the job it was there to do. I am perfectly prepared to accept that it is never possible totally to protect every child who is at risk but, in the case of Baby Peter, Haringey Social Services visited him on more than 60 occasions. The system failed a little boy and proved to be not fit for purpose. And so did Ms Shoesmith. One would presume she would never work in child protection ever again, and yet that is exactly what she says she hopes to do. It would be a brave council which would take her on. And a very stupid one.


So Nick Clegg wouldn’t form a coalition with Labour if it doesn’t back HS2. Well, that’s killed two birds with one stone then. I simply cannot understand why so many Conservatives are so keen on HS2. I’m all in favour of visionary transport projects, but this is not one of them. It is far too expensive and doesn’t give enough bang for the taxpayer buck. Even the economic studies produced by the government which were meant to inspire us all to rally to the project’s support haven’t really done the job they were intended to do. But in the end Labour needs to sh*t or get off the pot, to coin a phrase. Their current line is offering lukewarm support for the project (designed to keep Andrew Adonis from having a flounce) but saying they will withdraw that support if the cost rises to more than £50 million. It appears that Ed Miliband has told Ed Balls he will be the one to determine whether a future Labour government ends up supporting HS2. What an abdication of political leadership from the Labour leader. Does he not have a view on one of the most important infrastructure projects of our time?


So Gordon Brown says in a speech in Qatar that he is “an ex-politician”. Join the club. However, I am sure that will come as a bit of a teensy-weeny surprise to his 70,000 constituents in Kirkcaldy. He is still their MP, yet only appears in Parliament when there’s a ‘z’ in the month. Perhaps he will soon join Jack Straw and announce he won’t contest the next election.


As soon as I have finished writing this diary I am off to see Tony Benn, to interview him about his latest volume of diaries, ‘A Blaze of Autumn Sunshine’. It’s a very melancholy book and details how he struggles to come to terms with old age and contemplates his death. I’ve read every single volume of his diaries – I think there are eight in all – and enjoyed them all. The political diary is a brilliant genre of literature and provides a really raw account of contemporary history. You don’t have to be famous to write a gripping diary, as Chris Mullin has recently proved. There are a couple of Conservative MPs who I know have been keeping diaries and I hope one day they will publish them.


The Met Office has been receiving many congratulations for predicting the storm which hit the south and east of England on Sunday and Monday, and in many ways rightly do. Unlike 1987, we all had about five days notice that it was coming and were able to take precautions. Or at least some of us did. Four people lost their lives, although for many of us it was a rather tepid affair compared to the Great Storm of 1987. I woke up to a little light breeze on Monday morning, although by all accounts it had been a bit blowy during the night.

The rail companies came under great criticism for cancelling all their services for Monday well in advance. I was as angry as the next person, as it meant I had to drive into London to do my radio show, even though it appeared there was nothing wrong with the railway line. In the east, services were cancelled in most areas for the whole day. In retrospect, I have more sympathy with the rail companies than I did at the time. It took Network rail most of the morning and some of the afternoon to clear away fallen trees, and the fact that Monday’s services were cancelled meant that most trains were in the right place to start the Tuesday rush hour.

You do learn a lot about people’s commitment to their jobs on days like Monday. Some people will get to work come hell or high water, even if they don’t arrive until four o’clock, whereas others just use it as a good excuse to have what is now known as a ‘duvet’ day. I heard a chap on the radio describe how it had taken him several hours to get as far as Waterloo, but he was giving up and going home. He then explained that his office was in Vauxhall. The interviewer gently reminded him it would take 20 minutes to walk from Waterloo to Vauxhall. ‘Nah, mate, I’ve done enough today’, was his rejoinder. Having spent two hours in one traffic jam after another, I nearly hit the steering wheel.

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ConservativeHome Diary Week 27: Russell Brand May be a Hammer But That's His Only Redeeming Factor

25 Oct 2013 at 16:34

I was on my sick bed on Wednesday, so I had the dubious delight of watching the entire coverage of the Home Affairs Select Committee hearing on Plebgate. It didn’t exactly make me think we have the most wonderful police in the country. The three Police Federation representatives came across terribly. One was incoherent, one was gobby and the other looked a thoroughly nasty piece of work. None of them seemed to grasp why they were there or had anything to answer for. Keith Vaz, the committee’s Chairman, was brilliant in denouncing their evidence when they had finished, but even then they looked as if they thought they had done really well. Then it was the turn of their three chief constables. Again, very low rent. If this is really the finest the British police force has to offer, then God help us all.


So George Galloway likes elections, but doesn’t like the aftermath in which you, er, have to do some work. He seems to be thinking very seriously about running for London Mayor in 2016, despite the fact he’s Scottish and represents a seat in Bradford. Or is it Blackburn. If London ever wanted to play a practical joke on itself it could do worse than by voting for George Galloway, but the joke would soon wear a bit thin. But, yet again, Galloway is Labour’s worst nightmare come true, because he would eat into the Labour vote so much that he could very well let the Conservative candidate slip through the middle.


Russell Brand has only one redeeming factor in my eyes. He’s a fellow West Ham supporter. And yet this week the New Statesman has, for reasons of publicity I imagine, allowed him to be their guest editor. As he demonstrated in a cringeworthy interview on Newsnight with Jeremy Paxman, he has precious little to say that is worth hearing. He rails against the establishment, comes out with bizarre claims and counter-claims, and rants against the status quo and how awful the elites are to the poor – yet ,when pressed on what he would actually do, mutters something about introducing a socialist egalitarian system. Paxman didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So he sneered. Brand is someone who knows exactly how to generate self-publicity but precious little else. He’s a pisspoor actor, an unfunny comedian but is apparently a very good shag. If I never see him on TV again, it will be too soon.


Best we admit it. David Cameron was awful at PMQs this week. Concede and move on. It’s usually the best strategy. There’s always next week.


We hear a lot of Labour politicians bleating on about how wealth is divided so unequally in this country and things are getting worse. Not true. Next time you hear that, here’s some ammunition to hit back with. According to the Credit Suisse Global Wealth Databook for 2012, wealth is spread more equally in this country than Germany, France and the Netherlands. And, get this. The Left always holds up Scandinavian countries of paragons of wealth equality. In fact we have a more even spread of wealth than either Denmark, Norway or Sweden. So put that in your IKEA flatpack and smoke it.


This time last week I was looking forward to spending a weekend in Dubrovnik. I really should have known better. Guess what? I spent the entire three days suffering from a terrible cold and an even worse cough – not great when you have to make a keynote speech to six hundred travel agents at Dubrovnik’s leading hotel. And not just that – the speech had to last half an hour. Well, you try speaking for thirty minutes with a streaming cold without sniffing or coughing. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. Anyway, the show had to go on and I ‘manfluey’ struggled through it. I can’t say it was my finest performance. And when I got back into London on Tuesday I told LBC I wouldn’t be able to do my radio show. ‘You’ll have to,’ came the reply. ‘We can’t get a stand-in’. One listener texted that she thought she was tuning into Mariella Frostrup as my voice sounded so gravelly. We have a button you can press to mute the microphone if you need to cough, so I made judicious use of that, but of course that doesn’t really work when you’re in full flow and you suddenly have the urge to cough.

Let me tell you how wonderful Dubrovnik is. I had never been to the Balkans before but the Adriatic coastline is something to behold, and the city itself is an absolute gem. It hasn’t been ruined by too much touristy development, and the walled old town is one of the wonders of the world. You can certainly detect an Italian influence in the architecture, and discovering its long history was gripping. It’s hard to think that only 20 years ago the city was enduring a seven month long siege. You can still see the bullet holes in the walls. But in those 20 years Dubrovnik has developed into a well-to-do resort with some excellent eateries and very friendly people. It’s also proving very popular with the cruise line industry, although locals complain they descend in their thousands into the town for a few hours, but spend very little money before climbing aboard again and heading off to Venice or Athens. If it’s Tuesday, it must be Croatia. Someone must explain to me the delights of going on a cruise, as I have to say being stuck aboard a ship with several thousand other people and with no way of escape is not my idea of fun. But then again, nor is three days in Dubrovnik with a raging cold…


I’ve spent the last few hours reading Katie Price’s latest autobiography. Yes, her latest. Astonishingly, bearing in mind she is only 34, it’s her third. I have to inform you, dear reader, that I have not read the first two. Yet. In case you are asking yourself “what is the normally sane Mr Dale doing reading such trash when he could be reading Charles Dickens?” let me reassure you that it was all in the line of duty, for I am about to interview the artist formerly known as Jordan for my radio show. If I am honest, I rather enjoyed the book, which is a racy account of two marriages and sundry other relationships with celebrity wannabes. OK, it’s not a challenging read but it carries her authentic voice, which is more than her bestselling novels do. She’s quite open that while she thinks up the plots of her novels, someone else does the writing.

Her readers don’t seem to mind and, so far, she has sold more than three million books. In fact, she is a very astute businesswoman whose successful fashion and beauty brands, along with her equestrian business, have made her millions. People think of Price as a botox-fuelled clothes horse with a couple of major assets. She is so much more than that. But her outward exuberance and extrovertness mask an emotionally vulnerable woman who through bitter experience has found it very difficult to trust men. Last year. she married husband number three, a 25 year old plasterer who also doubles as a part-time stripper. Put like that you may think it is a relationship doomed to fail, but there’s something in the way that she describes their relationship that makes me think this one may last.

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ConservativeHome Diary Week 27: If Chris Bryant Can Apologise to Andrew Mitchell, So Should Ed Miliband

18 Oct 2013 at 16:21

My job leads me to meet some interesting people. This week I interviewed Princess of Michael of Kent about her new novel, The Queen of Four Kingdoms. We were sent a protocol sheet in advance which instructed us what to call her and how to bow. Never having been very good at any form of forelock tugging I indulged in more of a crick of the neck than a bow, and never once uttered the words ‘Your Royal Highness’, or even worse, ‘Ma’am’, as in spam. She didn’t seem to mind and we got on famously. Indeed, not only did I find her an engaging interviewee, I couldn’t help but think for a woman of 68 she really is incredibly beautiful. You can hear the interview tonight on LBC at 7.30pm. Next week, Katie Price. Honest.


This weekend I am off to Dubrovnik, which is apparently called the jewel of the Adriatic. The reason for my trip is that on Monday I am giving a keynote speech to the annual conference of the Association of British Travel Agents. Luckily, ABTA have nicer venues for the conferences than political parties seem to go for! I’m supposed to be speaking on ‘Politics 2015’ and giving my views on what might happen after the next election. This may prove somewhat of a challenge, bearing in mind that far more accomplished political pundits than me don’t seem to have the remotest idea. A further challenge may be that the 600 travel agents attending the conference are unlikely to the kind of political geeks that would enjoy my normal repartee. Oh well, throw in the odd Ann Widdecombe pussy joke and that should keep them happy J. I’ll report back next week.


I keep feeling sorry for my friend Simon Burns, but then I think to myself, surely he knew what he was doing when he resigned to stand for deputy speaker? I think most people thought he would get far more votes than he did, but it just goes to show how important hustings are in this kind of contest. By all accounts he didn’t perform well in any of the hustings, but he also suffered because he was thought of as David Cameron’s candidate, and in the end, people wondered how on earth he could work with John Bercow. While many would have relished the prospect of watching them try to be civil to each other, unless BurnsCam was installed, we could only have surmised how it was all going. But it wouldn’t have been pretty. And nor, I imagine, will it be pretty when Bercow and Burns next cross swords in the chamber.


There are lots of apologies being made to Andrew Mitchell at the moment, and rightly so. Even Chris Bryant tweeted “It seems Andrew Mitchell has been stitched up. I am sorry I believed the police and The Sun.” It takes a big man to do that. I wonder when Ed Miliband will rouse himself to do the same. Some of us remember full well the pure joy on his face at the first PMQs after Andrew Mitchell resigned. The Labour Party has already taken down its Plebgate websote where they ask: “Who do you trust – the Police or Andrew Mitchell?” It seems this was one bandwagon the Leader of the Opposition was very unwise to jump on. Let’s see if he is as big a man as Chris Bryant and apologises publicly to Andrew Mitchell. Personally, I think he is. As he might say, Britain can be better than this.


Because I will still be in Dubrovnik, I’ve got the night off from my LBC radio show on Monday evening. But would I leave you with four hours of radio silence? No Sirreee. For one night only, standing in for me is …. Cue drumroll …. Alastair Campbell. This happened once before. Call me weird, but after that programme, my mobile phone ringtone was replaced with the LBC signature music and the words “Standing in for Iain Dale, Alastair Campbell.” I still get a kick when I hear that. Sad bastard.


Hardworking people. There, I’ve said it. Happy Grant?


Next Thursday at 7pm I’m hosting a new hour long segment on my LBC drivetime show called The LBC Parliament. Each week we’ll be having three panellists in the studio from across the political spectrum – not always politicians – and they’ll be taking questions from our listeners. On the first show we’ve got Polly Toynbee, John Redwood and Charlie Falconer followed the week after by Lynne Featherstone, Charles Clarke and Peter Sissons. Future panellists include Hilary Devey, Melanie Phillips, Sir Christopher Meyer, Jeremy Hunt, Neil Hamilton, Lord Levy and a whole host more. I hope you’ll make it an appointment to listen, and maybe also phone in with your questions.

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ConservativeHome Diary Week 26: Has Adam Afriyie completely lost his marbles?

11 Oct 2013 at 14:36

I try not to obsess about West Ham in this column, but you will forgive me reporting an exchange between West Ham supporting Tory MPs Alec Shelbrooke and Bob Neill, and Spurs fans Iain Duncan Smith and Mike Penning. You will recall that West Ham hammered Spurs 3-0 on Sunday by adopting a deft 4-6-0 formation. On Monday the two pairs of MPs encountered each other in a Commons corridor whereupon Neil and Shelbrooke broke into a very tuneful rendition of ‘I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles’. IDS and bruiser Penning, who had just been promoted to be Minister of State under IDS, didn’t exactly see the funny side. I’m told they issued a rather humourless ‘F*** off’ and carried on their way. Obviously they only sing when they’re winning.


What we refer to as the ‘incident in Brighton’ is clearly one of those things which is going to stay with me until I meet my maker. Virtually everyone I encounter tries to make some deeply unoriginal joke about it and then laughs uproariously at their humorous jibe, clearly imagining I haven’t heard it all before. I grin and say ‘haha’. Tom Watson texted me after it had happened and said “You won’t feel like this now, but one day you’ll laugh at this’. I haven’t reached that stage yet. I thought it was all going away and then I watched ‘Have I Got News For You’. It wasn’t quite how I imagined my first appearance on that show, shall we say.


Some MPs have the cheek of the devil. Alun Cairns, the diminutive Tory MP for the Vale of Glamorgan is clearly one of them. When the Damian McBride book was published, he wrote to Sir Bernard Hogan Howe, the Met Police Commissioner, asking him to investigate whether Damian had broken the law by logging into Gordon Brown’s computer. No doubt a good wheeze dreamed up by some bright spark at CCHQ. So guess who turned up at Damian McBride’s booklaunch at the Westminster Intercontinental on Wednesday night? Yup, Alun Cairns! Some brass neck! He then told me he had a letter back from Sir Bernard which said there was no case to answer. Well, there’s a surprise! I have to say I find the growing tendency of MPs to report people (and each other) to the Metropolitan Police deeply disturbing. They rarely do it because they think there’s a case to answer. They do it because their party HQs tell them to, the whips tell them to, or because they think it’ll get the a page lead in the Daily Mail or The Sun. And invariably they are right.


Has Adam Afriyie completely lost his marbles? His intervention on an early EU referendum is bonkers and when even such fervent Eurosceptics like Philip Davies react with suspicion he must know he has cocked up big time. Earlier in the year, it was reported that Afriyie had hired Phil Hall, the former News of the World Editor, to handle his PR. I’d love to have been a fly on the wall at their initial meeting. I’m sure Hall can’t have started to advise Afriyie yet, because if he had, he certainly wouldn’t have advised him to use the line: ‘Oh, I am not causing trouble, I have to speak for my consicence’. Oh pass the sick bag. I’m told he has been asked to address a meeting of female Tory MPs next week. I suspect he’s being set up and they will rip him to shreads. Of course this is all the fault of the wretched LibDems. Without the coalition, I have little doubt Adam would now be a perfectly competent Minister of State, and the only time we’d ever hear from him would be when he was extolling the virtues of whatever portfolio he happened to hold. Nick Clegg has a lot to answer for!


The election campaign to be the next Deputy Speaker continues apace. Having appeared before Tory MPs on Wednesday evening (see the report by Paul Goodman) ,they will now face an unprecedented meeting of the Parliamentary Labour Party. At the 1922 it seems that Gary Streeter and Henry Bellingham got the best reaction, with the two favourites Simon Burns and Eleanor Laing not quite living up to expectations. I’m not sure Eleanor was wise to pick Chris Bryant as her Labour organiser. Bryant is a marmite character – loved or hated, even on his own side. I like him and he has been very kind to me on occasion (cue the predictable comment: ‘You gays stick together’), but is he the man to persuade Labour MPs to vote for Laing? We’ll see. One MP who is picking up support on the Labour side is Brian Binley. It will also be interesting to see how many Labour votes Nadine Dorries picks up. If you were a Labour MP and wanted to cast your vote in a way designed to upset the Prime Minister, you could hardly do better, could you? The question is, though. Would they rather upset the PM or the Speaker? If it’s the latter the job is Simon Burns’s for the taking. Again, oh to be a fly on the wall at the first meeting of The Speaker and his deputies.


Well the reshuffle was a bit of a damp squib, wasn’t it? The highlight was when the irrepressible Grant Shapps went on Sky News to describe it as “a reshuffle for hardworking people”. Hashtag facepalm. I interviewed him later and asked him why on earth he kept repeating this tired old mantra, first invented by Gordon Brown. He said that the new ministers would be working very hard, thereby implicitly accusing the sacked ministers of not working very hard. This sort of political sloganising treats the electorate with utter contempt. I mean, who isn’t in favour of hard working people? It must be the most vacuous conference slogan the Conservatives have ever had. I finished the interviewing by saying ‘thanks to the hard working Conservative Party chairman’. Had I been thinking more quickly I might have pointed if he worked even harder he might not need a co-chairman.


Who on earth thought it a good idea to sack Alistair Burt from the Foreign Office? The Prime Minister? The Chief Whip? Or was it George Osborne? Burt was just the kind of minister every government needs a stack of – hard working, competent, amiable, totally on top of his brief. He hadn’t ever put a foot wrong. Mark Prisk, too. Was it because they are short? That they haven’t achieved high media profiles? It’s a travesty. Nothing is fair in love and politics, but for certain ministers to keep their jobs and these two to lose them isn’t just unfair, it is plain wrong and plain stupid.


This week I have interviewed both Harry Redknapp and Jennifer Saunders for my LBC radio show. Next week I am talking to Princess Michael of Kent about her new book for half an hour. I’m not very good at tugging my forelock, so I’d better mug up on the protocol. This is a very varied job! Last week we did hour-long phone-ins on Marxism, the war in the Democratic Republic of Congo, finding love in later life and, er, the appeal of naturism. If I told you I did that hour stark bollock naked, you’d probably think I was telling the truth, wouldn’t you?


The complete trauma of switching from Blackberry to the iPhone continues. After around ten years of being a Blackberry devotee, my patience has finally snapped and I have gone to the dark side. I fell almost dirty for having done so, as if I am betraying a friend, but it had to happen. I loved my Blackberry Curve. I cherished my Blackberry Bold, I loved the keyboard, I loved the functionality. But in July I had what was laughingly called an upgrade to the new Blackberry Q10. On day one I took against it but decided I should be patient, and it was probably just teething problems. Everything on the phone was counter-intuitive. Yes, it had the same keyboard, but everything else on the phone was too ‘appy’. It was a Blackberry trying a little too hard to be an iPhone. After six weeks I finally gave up. When you use a phone you shouldn’t have to think about what you’re doing. It should just be automatic, but with the Q10 you have to think about everything you do. You have to think about whether you swish the screen left, or is it right, or is it up, or is it down. No more swishing for me. So this week I ordered the new iPhone 5S. I’ve always thought iPhones were a bit like Tottenham Hotspur – pretty to watch, but in the end the product doesn’t live up to the veneer. I’ve shied away from them in the past because I found typing on them too difficult, but hopefully it is something I will get used to over time. If not, I suppose it’s back to the good old Blackberry Bold!

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MPs in Grinder Shock!

5 Oct 2013 at 12:06

Shocked. I say, I’m shocked. This was a picture taken on one of the commercial stands at the Tory Party Conference. Sadly I have no idea what the real context is. Maybe just as well.

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ConservativeHome Diary Week 25: George Osborne is a Kewl Dude

4 Oct 2013 at 15:21

Manchester proved to be a much quieter week for me than Brighton was (ahem). It has to be said that virtually everyone I met made some joke or other about the “incident”, as if they thought they were being entirely original. Still, I had half thought I might well be totally shunned, or people’s eyes might look the other way as I approached. Not a bit of it. Everyone wanted to tell me what they thought.

- – – – – – – – – -

Driving to Manchester from Norfolk on Sunday morning I got a call from my friend Keith Simpson. “What on earth have you done to upset Adam Boulton?” he asked. “Nothing, so far as I am aware,” I replied, wondering what on earth he could be meaning. “He’s called you ‘humourless’ in his Sunday Times column,” said Keith.

Well, I may be many things, but I hope lacking a sense of humour is not one of them. I pulled over in a lay-by and read the column, but even having done so I was slightly mystified by what had provoked it. When I had talked to Adam in Brighton about ‘the incident’, I didn’t recall coming over all po-faced at all, but clearly something had happened.

And then when I arrived in Manchester several other people asked me why Adam was so upset with me. I hadn’t a clue. I could have had it out with him, I suppose, but decided I’d leave it – and if he had something to say to me, no doubt he’d say it. Perhaps it was what I wrote in this column last week about his producer Amber Elliott. Anyway, on Tuesday I was in a break in my show and Adam popped his head round the door, and said he was sorry if he had upset me. It was a big thing for him to do and I appreciated it hugely. Unfortunately, I had to go back on air before I could issue much of a reply.

- – – – – – – – – – -

Party Conference tweet of the week from Tonbridge & Malling agent Andrew Kennedy: “Just been stuck at a table with three county council leaders telling each other how important they are. Akin to being at a meeting of dogs licking their own balls.”

- – – – – – – – – -

So there I was, gossiping away with David Davis in the Total Politics lounge ,when I whipped out my Blackberry Q10 and advised DD never to get one. He’s a bit of a gadget freak, you see. I regaled him with tales of how utterly crap it is and totally unintuitive, and that I was about to abandon it and revert back to my much missed Blackberry Bold. It was then that I got a tap on the shoulder. I looked round to see a woman looking rather displeased. “Hello, she said, “I’m Director of Sales for Blackberry.” Sadly the ground didn’t open up in front of me. DD was most amused.

- – – – – – – – – -

The only fringe I did this year was for Dods, which was on Sunday nigh,t and was designed to look ahead to the main events of the conference. I was on a panel with Liam Fox, Margot James, Sky’s Anushka Asthana and the lobbyist Kevin Craig. I urged those present to make every effort to speak to journalists during the course of the week, otherwise they would just speak to each other. I once followed Jeremy Paxman round the conference centre for an hour. He didn’t speak to a single Conservative representative but spoke to plenty of fellow journalists. He duly reported that night that the mood of the conference was rather ‘depressed’.

- – – – – – – – – -

George Osborne, poor love, was forced to go to the Telegraph reception on Monday night, thereby missing a Katy Perry concert which he had tickets for. My intrepid assistant asked him what his favourite Katy Perry song was and it’s apparently LAST FRIDAY NIGHT. No, me neither. Anyway, I thought I’d look up the lyrics. Are you sitting down?

Last Friday night
Yeah, we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a ménage à trois
Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we’re gonna stop
Op-oh-oh

Gulp. When Agent Tucker asked what George thought of her new number one ‘Roar’, he pointed out that in fact this week’s number 1 was Jason Derulo. He seems to be on more on top of his music chart knowledge than he is on the economy! Joke! With his trendy new haircut, George is clearly down wiv da kidz.

- – – – – – – – – -

Talking of my assistant Grant Tucker, he was at a reception and introduced himself to Liz Truss. “Do you service all of Iain’s needs?” was her first question. Grant didn’t tell me his reply, or what the second question was. Grant has now been with me for three years. I’m not sure which one of us is the most surprised that he’s lasted that long. It has to be said that he is the best networker I have ever met. He’ll go up to anyone famous and engage them in conversation and within two minutes he’s their bestest friend. It’s quite a talent. If only he had a basic grasp of English grammar, though. He’s Welsh, you see.

- – – – – – – – – -

On Tuesday night, I spoke at the Pride dinner. I don’t do many speeches nowadays and for some reason I was incredibly nervous. I kept starting to write the speech but the words just wouldn’t come. I don’t like making speeches from a set text, but in this case I thought I better had, seeing as I was so out of practice. I thought there would be about 50 people there but when I arrived it was more like 130. I was 45 minutes later than everyone else, and they were quite clearly well oiled. With drink, ahem, that it. The event took place at Harvey Nichols – I mean, how gay is that?! I’ve just had a look through the speech to see what I could relate here, but frankly it was 90 per cent pure smut, and I know how ConservativeHome readers hate that sort of thing. Anyway, it seemed to go down well and afterwards three members of the audience came up to me to tell me what I had said had really touched a nerve with them. And they weren’t referring to the smut.

- – – – – – – – – -

I’m told Birmingham has declined to hold any more political party conferences after next year. Good. Let’s go back to Bournemouth. I’d also love for the conference to be held in Cardiff, but apparently there aren’t enough hotel beds. I suppose we could all bunk up. There’s lovely.

- – – – – – – – – -

Having broadcast 24 hours of live programming I really feel in need of a week off, but the show must go on. My first show back in the studio featured an hour on Marxism. Not something I ever thought I’d broadcast when I started on LBC, but it was actually rather enjoyable. That’s the great thing doing this show, you never know what you’ll be talking about one day to the next. Yesterday it was Marxism, tonight it’s coping with terminal illness. A friend of mine was diagnosed this week with terminal kidney cancer. She’s got two months. How on earth do you cope with news like that? It puts conference spats into a bit of perspective.

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Speech to the Tory Pride Dinner in Manchester

4 Oct 2013 at 10:04

On Tuesday night I gave the after dinner speech at the Tory Pride Dinner in Manchester. Several people who weren’t there have apparently been told about it and asked if I would put it on the blog, so here goes. I have removed all the jokes and smut, though, which formed about 90% of the speech!

Sexuality is something very personal. It is something that most people don’t have to speak publicly about and declare their sexuality to the world. Hopefully the day will soon dawn when it is exactly the same for politicians.

It would be nice to think that many a shoulder will be shrugged when a politician declares himself or herself to be gay. But even in these days of so-called sexual liberation, politicians’ sexualities are still phenomena which set the media and political worlds a-tittering and a twittering.

Ten years ago this week I was selected as a Conservative Parliamentary candidate having told the selection committee I was gay beforehand. I got 66% of the votes. Good on them, I thought. A few days later I was attending the conference in Blackpool – yes, the Quiet Man conference – when a young guy walked up to me and said, can I shake your hand, I want to thank you. What for, I asked? He looked me in the eye and said “Because you’ve made it easier for the rest of us.” Well, if that’s what I go down in history for, rather than the Brighton incident, I shall be very happy.

The truth is, being gay in the Conservative Party is something that nowadays hardly raises an eyebrow. Even the boneheads – and Mrs Boneheads – on the hard right seem to accept that we shouldn’t actually be imprisoned now, which is progress of sorts.

Ten years ago they would also have stopped us from having civil partnerships. Now they still want to stop us getting married, but I’d like to think that not a single one of them would reverse the civil partnership legislation. Well, I can think of a couple who might, but again, progress of sorts.

I truly don’t understand why anyone would be against gay marriage. If the institution is as good as everyone says, why wouldn’t its advocates want two people who love each other to benefit from it. It’s very simply, if you’re against gay marriage, don’t marry a homosexual!

On my LBC show I had a caller recently who told me she detested the ‘gay act’ and it was terrible that people should choose this lifestyle. She clearly hadn’t got a clue, poor love, who she was talking to. So in my usual loving, caring way I gently pointed out to take it from one who knows, that being gay wasn’t a choice. You were born like it. She still didn’t click. “I knew I was gay at the age of 7”, I then said. There followed an awkward two second silence, which on the radio sounds like two minutes. Whether I provoked her to examine her own prejudices I have no idea.

And then on Eurovision night it all started again. This time on Twitter. A fellow West Ham fan called Brian – someone who clearly believed it’s not possible to be gay and shout “Come on You Irons” every fortnight – told me that “nature, history and religion are against you. It is nurture and environment and perverse thinking.” Thanks for that. He continued: “Our minds are malleable and can be turned”. Speak for yourself, mate. And finally came this little gem: “We are all born heterosexual and get influenced to be gay in our twisted minds.” When I asked him if, as a straight man, he could be turned, strangely, I didn’t get an answer.

You may think it bizarre, but I don’t regard people like my LBC caller and Brian as homophobic. I just think they’re scared of something they have a fear of. Because they think that we’ve all chosen to become gay, they think we could persuade their kids to turn gay too. You might think it’s laughable, and it is, but it’s up to us to show that being gay is nothing for them to fear. As the brilliant E4 sitcom says – it’s the ‘New Normal’.

Last December I spoke to David Cameron’s patrons club. I don’t really do much speaking to Tory associations nowadays because of my LBC job, but you can’t really say no to the PM, can you. The speech went reasonably well, but then came questions. Mr Dale, what do you think of women bishops? I replied that if you have women vicars surely you have to have women bishops. That was when the heckling started. Mr Dale, what do you think of gay marriage, came the next question. I started my answer. I must protest said another, and so it went on. I’ve never been heckled at a Tory meeting before. And it went on for an hour. I felt like being on a battlefield repelling attack after attack. Were these people really representative of the modern day Conservative Party?

By the end of the evening I had completely lost my voice, but I’m glad it happened in a way, because as the evening went on, those in the room who supported my position became more voluble and felt able to speak up themselves.

We should be proud of that fact that a Conservative Prime Minister showed real leadership on this issue, just as Tony Blair did back in 2004 on civil partnerships. I don’t mind admitting I was disappointed that a majority of Tory MPs failed to back the bill, but frankly some of them had very good reason, because if we are honest, it was a dog’s breakfast of a bill in terms of how it was drafted. It was supposed to be about equal marriage but it actually gives gay couple advantages, including the fact that gay couples cannot cite adultery as a reason to divorce, although some of us might think, what’s not to like about that! Apparently parliamentary draughtsmen couldn’t define consummation in gay relationships and therefore couldn’t define adultery. Perhaps they should have consulted most of the people here tonight. We could even have shown them! But all that is to quibble.

It was a great thing to do and we should be grateful for the leadership of not only the Prime Minister, but Nick Herbert and Lynne Featherstone who played crucial roles in driving this through.

So, you’ve got your gay adoption, you’ve got your equal age of consent, you’ve got your gay marriage. Surely that’s it, surely there isn’t anything else for the gays to lobby for – that’s what you hear a lot nowadays. Well, sorry. But until gay bashing ceases, until bullying of gay school children is eradicated, until prejudice of any form against gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people disappears there is a lot of work still to do.

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ConservativeHome Diary Week 24: Not a Week I'd Care to Repeat

27 Sep 2013 at 19:45

Well, it’s been quite a week. And not one I’d care to repeat. If you missed what shall now forever be referred to as “the incident” I couldn’t be more pleased. I’ve declined all interviews about it and would love to send it to hidden depths of my mind, never to be talked about again. But I realise that it will be something with which I will forever be associated. My own stupid fault. I’ll tell you what, though, you certainly find who your friends are at times like this, especially among fellow media people.

Journalists have a job to do, but the degree of Schadenfreude among some of the people I had previously considered friends came as a bit of a shock. Don’t get me wrong, I had been bloody stupid and I deserved all that came my way, but it really was like vultures picking at a publishing carcass at times.

I am hardly the biggest name in the world so I was a little taken aback at the scale of the media coverage, but I reached what I think is quite an interesting conclusion. It was because it had pictures and video to illustrate it, and they were vaguely comical. Pictures tell a thousand stories. It’s why the media will cover a US shooting of three people but barely mention the deaths of 80 people in an Islamist attack on a Christian church in Pakistan.


The Damian McBride book created more headlines than a publisher could ever dream of. I knew it would be big, but I didn’t realise it would be THAT big. By Monday, two days before publication, we had to order a second print run having sold out of the first run of 5,000. It reached number 6 in the Amazon chart, the highest any of our books has ever got. It reached the top 50 on their Kindle chart, which doesn’t sound as impressive until you consider that virtually the whole top 50 are made of 99p novels.

Damian himself has also turned out to be a publisher’s dream. His manuscript was the cleanest in terms of typos and spellings I have ever seen, and it was beautifully written, needing precious little editing. He’s not used to doing interviews, yet if you have seen him on TV or heard him on radio he’s performed superbly, sometimes under very hostile questioning. Rightly, he has been at pains to point out that the Mail serialisation only covered about 8% of the book, and if you read the whole book you get rather a different impression. It’s not all lurid, gory, backstabbing spin doctory stuff.

The only real issue with the book was the libel read. We had to take out virtually any mention of Rebekah Brooks or Andy Coulson in order to avoid the risk of prejudicing either of their trials. The problem was we had completely conflicting advice from the lawyers. Normally you only get a book read once by a libel lawyer to cover these issues. But this wasn’t about libel, it was about contempt of court. In the end I decided to play safe and delete more or less the whole lot. It will all go back in when we publish the paperback.


People keep asking me how I came to publish the book, bearing in mind my history with McBride. For those who don’t remember, I was a minor part of the Smeargate emails in 2009, which culminated in Damian’s resignation from the government. He had advised Derek Draper to smear me as a racist, after I appeared to defend Carol Thatcher after her ‘gollywog’ incident. Anyway, about eighteen months after than my colleague at Total Politics, Amber Elliott, who knew Damian a little, received an email from him asking her to pass to a message to me.

The message contained an apology for what had happened over Smeargate. We then exchanged a few emails. A few months later I got back in touch with Damian and asked to meet with a view to talking about him writing a book. I had been hugely impressed by his blog and his ability to tell a story. For the next eighteen months we kept in touch until we eventually did a deal. All along I was worried that another publisher would come in and scupper us, but Damian and I had formed a good relationship and I think the fact that I understood his world and he knew Biteback’s background swung it for us. We certainly couldn’t compete financially with one other organisation I later found out who had tried to win him over at the last minute.

This story took an interesting twist this week. On Tuesday evening I was broadcasting in our little studio in the Brighton Conference centre, right next to where the Sky producers and journalists sat. At around 630pm the police turned up and my producer agreed with them that I would voluntarily go to the local station after the show finished at 8. Amber Elliott, who now works as a producer for Sky, decided to recall their cameraman who had by that stage gone home, just so they could cover my walk from my studio down to the conference exit. Nice. I am told the cameraman was less than gruntled. I guess she was only doing her job, or obeying orders, but I can’t deny it hurt when I was told about it. Perhaps I should just man up.


The next day I was set to interview Alastair Campbell back in the LBC studio about his new novel “My Name Is…” It is a superb book, telling the story of a teenage alcoholic through the eyes of twenty people involved in her life. Anyway, he arrived early so we had a coffee. While we were talking his phone rang and it turned out to be Grant Shapps on the line. Apparently Alastair was going to the Conservative conference to promote a campaign by Alcohol Concern, but had been refused a pass. The nice Mr Shapps had intervened, having been tweeted by the spin maestro, and sorted a pass for him. So for the first time in 20 years, Alastair Campbell will be at a Tory conference. If you see him, be nice to him. He’s a pussycat really. No, really.


I’m not doing many fringe events this year at the conference but if you free on Sunday night I shall be doing a panel for Dods looking at the week ahead with Liam Fox, Margot James and Anushka Asthana from Sky. It’s in Central 3 in the conference centre from 7.30pm. I’m also the speaker at the Pride Dinner on Tuesday night. I think I am supposed to be witty and amusing. Not quite sure that’s my mood at the moment. Anyway, I think there are a few tickets left and you can find the details here.

Do say hello if you see me wandering aimlessly round the conference centre. I don’t bite. Well, not usually.


And for once, if you have a go at me in the comments, you will be fully justified to. I have officially been an idiot.

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