Dear all,
So there I was, catching snippets of the West Ham v Manchester City match on my phone, while also watching Kemi Badenoch and Theresa May strutting their funky stuff to a live performance by Nicole Scherzinger, followed by Rory Bremner playing Bruce Forsyth in PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT, ably assisted by Holly Willoughby. Could my life get any weirder?
The occasion was Lord Ashcroft’s eightieth birthday bash at the Grosvenor House hotel on London’s Park Lane. What an evening it turned out to be. I had been to three of these events before and the one thing I knew was to expect the unexpected. In previous years the cabaret live entertainment had included Kylie Minogue, the Jersey Boys, Lionel Ritchie., Michael Buble, Lulu, Cliff Richard, Denise Van Outen, Jasper Carrott, the Band of the Scots Guards, Tom Jones. I have a particular memory of being on the dance floor, boogying away to Kylie, when…. on second thoughts, you’ll have to wait for my autobiography for that particular juicy anecdote! Only a few months to wait!
I got up yesterday feeling terrible, and full of cold. But there was no way I was going to miss an Ashcroft party. So mid-afternoon on went the dinner suit, which for the first time was quite loose fitting. My friend Dan and his wife Laura were going to see COME ALIVE in Earls Court, so they drove me to the Grosvenor House and collected me afterwards. Here are Laura and I dressed up to the nines!
At the pre-dinner drinks reception I had some nice chats with various Tory luminaries including Sajid and Laura Javid, James and Susie Cleverly, Mark Francois and Mark Wallace who now runs Total Politics and Biteback. And then Liz Truss and her husband Hugh appeared, and we had a very entertaining exchange for quite some time. She was very relaxed and funny and declared I wasn’t right wing enough to appear on her Youtube show, and then tested me on my ‘soundness’. And with that we all trooped into the ballroom to sit down for dinner.
I was sitting far nearer the stage than on previous occasions, with Mark Wallace’s wife Isabella and Caroline Craig (wife of Sky News chief political correspondent, Jon) sitting either side of me. I first met Caroline back in 1985 when I was working in Parliament and she was working for Norfolk MP Richard Ryder. People tried to match us off. How different our lives might have been! She now runs Nigel Farage’s Westminster office and remains an absolute hoot.
Rory Bremner compered the whole evening and did a superb job, littered with impressions old and new. He does a brilliant takeoff of Donald Trump and was a master at judging how far he could push the audience’s boundaries. The highlight was a Peter O’Sullivan commentary of the first eighteen months of Labour in government. Political satire at its best.
Before the meal, Rory introduced the first, which we all assumed was a Queen tribute act, until an AI version of Michael Ashcroft appeared on screen singing ‘Don’t Stop Me Know’. It was a bit like the Abba Voyage holograms.
After the starter, we were entertained by a brilliant Ukrainian choir, who Michael has got to know, and help fund, on his various trips to Ukraine. They were then joined on stage by Katherine Jenkins. When the choir performed their first song, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
Next up was an audience participation game of ‘Play Your Cards Right’, with Rory Bremner becoming Bruce Forsyth with Holly Willoughby playing the role of glamorous assistant. You had to be there… She has some great comic timing.
After the main course, Nicole Scherzinger performed four songs including ‘Diamonds are Forever, a song from ‘Sunset Boulevard’ and the Pussycat Dolls classic ‘Don’t Cha’. Three tables over from me, I spied Kemi Badenoch on her feet dancing away, and two tables being me, Theresa May was also really giving it some! Kemi later told me the song was one of her favourites when she was at university, so she immediately leapt to her feet. Nigel Farage, who was on the same table, stayed resolutely in his seat!
A highlight of these events has always been a speech by William Hague, and again he lived up to expectations. He was followed by Michael himself, who was clearly quite moved by the occasion. He was also very funny, but had three important things to tell the audience. Firstly, that he had just been awarded the Ukraine Order of Merit for all his work supporting the cause of Ukrainian freedom. He worse the medal around his neck the whole evening. His support for various Ukrainian charities, both military and civilian, has helped thousands of Ukrainians survive the hell of the last four years. Indeed, the audience were urged to donate to Olena Zelenska’s Cayo Foundation, which distributes monies to charities all over Ukraine.
Michael went on to announced that General Keith Kellog would be publishing his book with Biteback, but left the best to last. Last year the Imperial War Museum announced that after 15 years, it would be closing the Lord Ashcroft Gallery, which has been displaying his unique collection of Victoria and George Crosses. Frankly, it was an outrageous decision by the IWM and made for the most woke of reasons - the collection wasn’t ‘diverse’ enough, and they wanted to use the space for things other than honouring bravery. Idiots. Anyway. last night Michael announced that the collection had found a new home - at the National Army Museum in Chelsea. The audience roared their approval.
After his speech there was a series of happy birthday video messages including from Olena Zelenska, General Kellogg, Scott Morrison, Stephen Harper and Tony Abbott, as well as a number of Ukrainian MPs including my friend Oleksei Gonchorenko.
And then it was time for us all to speculate on who the final act of the evening might be. When the curtain went back the shock throughout the ballroom was palpable. It was Sir Elton John! There. Live, a few feet from us. Yet another audience roar ensued, as the opening bars of SATURDAY NIGHT rang out. He is a master entertainer and we were all spellbound, as he sang Tiny Dancer, Benny and the Jets, Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues, Candle in the Wind, and several more.
What a night. It was a truly unique experience, and I was honoured to have been invited.