I have spent the whole day in a state of nervous exhaustion, constantly refreshing the West Ham Website Homepage to see if it really could be true that the two best footballers in South America had really signed for us. Other Hammers fans will know the meaning of the words 'just like my dreams, they fade and die'. We all expected it to be some massive hoax that Carlitos Tevez and Javier Mascherano had signed for us, but signed for us they have. This deal reminds me of the one that brought Ossie Ardiles and Ricky Villa to Tottenham in the late 1970s. It gave Spurs a huge boost and this really could propel the Hammers into the big time. But let's not get carried away. Oh sod, it let's. Have a look at this video of Tevez, and tell me youre not just that teensiest bit jealous that he hasn't signed for your team.

Some useful phrases (courtesy of the West Ham mailing list) for our new Argie Argentinian players...

"el pastel doble y tritura por favor amor" - "double pie and mash please luv"
"Así que usted ha hecho página tres?" - "so you've done page 3?"
"mejor marca mina un shandy" - "better make mine half a shandy"
"yo siempre he admirado a chicas inglesas" - "I've always liked English birds"
"estoy aquí como la parte del trato de Carrick" - "I'm here as part of the Carrick deal"
"he soñado de jugar delante del corral durante muchos años" - "I have dreamed of playing in front of the Chicken Run for many years"
"fuera Brown!" - "Brown OUT!"