11. Why Radio 5 Live is so insecure that its presenters appear to be required to utter the words Five and Live at least ten times every minute.
10. Why I always play better golf when it rains
9. Why the BBC persist with those very annoying dancing idents
8. How Steve McClaren got the England job
7. How Fergal Keane manages to sound so permanently oleaginous
6. Why MCB representatives invariably feel the need to follow the sentence "We condemn all acts of terrorism unreservedly" with the word "but"
5. Why actors in East Enders can't pronounce the letter 'd' in the word 'didn't'
4. How anyone at Sky News ever thought three presenters on screen at any one time was a good idea
3. That people actually find MY FAMILY funny
2. Why Satellite Navigation voices always remind me of Ann Widdecombe TURN RIGHT IN ONE HUNDRED YARDS!
1. How John Prescott was ever appointed Deputy Prime Minister