1. In a desperate bid to get rid of his charisma bypass, Sir Keir Starmer changes his name to DJ K Starm.
  2. Jealous of the titles of his fellow party leaders Boris Johnson awards himself a knighthood, but it's rejected by the Honours Committee.
  3. The Radio 4 controller decides to make an overt appeal to a younger audience by replacing Jane Garvey on Woman's Hour with Mrs Mavis Arbuckle from Hebdon Bridge, aged 76 3/4.
  4. Netflix follows up on its hit series Virgin River with a new US drama called Slutty Waterfall.
  5. Celebrations at Times Radio, which notches up its 999th listener.
  6. In an attempt to widen its audience Novara Media recruits Darren Grimes to replace Ash Sarkar.
  7. As Channel 4 seeks to become ever edgier, head of content Ian Katz axes Naked Attraction and replaces it with The World's Biggest Erections.
  8. Rishi Sunak seeks to cut the deficit by imposing a tax on the number of times callers use the words "so", "basically", "you know", and "quite literally" in radio phone-ins.
  9. Radio London is axed in a bid to cut costs at the BBC after it registers a negative Rajar audience rating. 
  10. J K Rowling seeks to make amends with the Trans community by ... [do you really want to go there? -Ed]
  11. Donald Trump fails to attend the Biden inauguration after Melania hides his toupe.
  12. Priti Patel is forced to resign after the three hundred thousand, thirty four, nine hundred and seventy four thousandth person is picked up on Folkestone beach.
  13. Iain Dale beats his record of 36 mince pies in one day and becomes Britain's first Type Three diabetic.
  14. Liz Truss signs her 483rd free trade agreement, this time with the Planet Zarg.
  15. Gavin Williamson becomes the first government minister ever to execute a policy W-turn.
  16. Rory Stewart faces charges of hiding his light under a bushel after he reveals his forthcoming autobiography is to be called "The Best Prime Minister You Never Had".
  17. The SNP win the Wigan North West by election.
  18. Yasmin Alibhai-Brown shocks readers of The Guardian when she writes "The British Empire wasn't all bad".
  19. Sadiq Khan wins re-election after announcing all polling stations will remain closed over Covid fears.
  20. Marcus Rashford forces government U-Turn over free laptops for schoolchildren. He calls it an "irresponsible waste of taxpayers' money".