The  Unofficial Book of Political Lists


By Iain Dale








For Sheena & Tracey












Most people think of political reference books as either dead boring or prohibitively expensive.  Hopefully this is neither - but then again it is rather more than a reference book.  Where in Dod’s Parliamentary Companion could the reader find the Top Ten Political Chat-Up Lines alongside a List of Prime Ministers Since 1721?   So this book is all about information and fun - two words not always associated with political life. 


It is easy to be sceptical of politicians and to believe that they’re all the same and are only in politics for what they can get out of it.   The truth is somewhat more simple.   Our politicians reflect the society in which we live.   Proportionately there are no more crooked politicians than there are crooked bank managers (perhaps a poor comparison, but there you go!).  Politicians are no more likely to sleep around than journalists, although one could be forgiven for thinking otherwise.   Generally speaking, politicians of all parties are honourable people who genuinely wish to improve the life of the people, while continuously disagreeing with each other about how to go about it.   But that’s democracy.  And that’s what this book is all about.  Where else but in a true democracy could you read in a book the Top Ten Politicians Gay Men Find Attractive?


The most difficult part of writing and compiling this book has been to put the 300 lists into a logical and easily accessible order.   I have decided to divide it up into eight sections, finishing with the humourous bit!   However, in order for the reader not to become submerged by fact and information there is also a  scattering of “unofficial” lists throughout the book - easily recognisable by the stamp which appears on the page.


I hope this book gives you as much enjoyment reading it, as it gave me to compile.


Iain Dale

August 1997





Part 1                  Parliament & Government

Part 2                  Elections & Voting

Part 3                  Parties & Policies

Part 4                  World Politics

Part 5                  General Politics

Part 6                  Quotations

Part 7                  Sex, Money & Scandal

Part 8                  More Unofficial Lists (The Funny Part!)




Part 1                 Parliament & Government


British Prime Ministers 1721-present

Sixteen Prime Ministers Born in London

Five Prime Ministers born in Scotland

Four Prime Ministers with No Siblings

Ten Prime Ministers who Married Twice

Eleven Prime Ministers Who Had No Children

Twenty Longest Serving Prime Ministers since 1721

Length of service of 20th Century Prime Ministers

Ten Shortest Serving Prime Ministers

Twenty Three Politicians who Became Prime Minister More Than Once

Eight Deputy Prime Ministers

Eleven Prime Ministers who did not Attend University

Twenty Four Prime Ministers who Attended Oxford University

Thirteen Prime Ministers who Attended Cambridge University

Seven Prime Ministers who Died in Office

Eight Prime Ministers Never Awarded a Peerage

Four Prime Ministers who Fought Duels

Ten Prime Ministers Injured in Accidents

Ten Prime Ministers on the Fast Track

Ten Prime Ministers on the Slow Track

Ten Longest Serving Prime Ministers in the House of Commons

Top Ten Youngest Prime Ministers

Nine Oldest Prime Ministers

Ten Oldest People to Have Been Elected Prime Minister

Most Common Zodiac Signs of British Prime Ministers

Ten Longest Living Prime Ministers

Prime Ministers’ Last Words

Stages of a Bill’s Progress to Becoming an Act of Parliament

Twentieth Century Speakers of the House of Commons

Fathers of the House Since 1944

Votes of No Confidence Since 1976

Emergency Recalls of the House of Commons since 1945

Cabinet Secretaries Since 1916

Eight Heads of the Number 10 Policy Unit

British Members of the European Commission

Eleven Ministers Responsible for European Affairs Since 1974

Fifteen Peers who have Renounced their Titles

Eleven Downing Street Press Secretaries since 1964

Ten Longest Serving MPs This Century

Fourteen Wives Who Have Inherited Their Husband’s Seat This Century

Nine Oldest MPs This Century

Eight Youngest MPs This Century

Ten Occasions When a Son or Daughter has Succeeded a Parent

Women in Parliament

History of MPs’ Pay

MP’s Pay in Figures

Ministerial Salaries

MPs Who Have Crossed the Floor of the House Century*

MPs Who Crossed the Floor From Labour to the SDP in 1981-82

Twenty MPs who have Voluntarily Resigned their Seats to Test Public Opinion in a By-Election

Twelve Husbands & Wives Who Have Served as MPs at the Same Time This Century

      Ten Classes of People who are not allowed to stand for election to Parliament

MPs Who Have Been Suspended From the House for Defying the Chair

Four MPs who Resigned their Seats after Being Declared Bankrupt

MPs Who Resigned Their Seats Following Censure for Their Conduct in Parliament

Winners of the Spectator Back Bencher of the Year Award

Winners of the Spectator Member to Watch Award

Winners of the Spectator Debater/Questioner/Inquisitor/Campaigner of the Year Awards

Winners of the Spectator Parliamentarian of the Year Awards

Twentieth Century Foreign Secretaries

Twentieth Century Chancellors of the Exchequer

Twentieth Century Home Secretaries

Ten Longest Serving Ministers This Century

Twenty One Cabinet Ministers Who Suffered Election Defeats while Holding Office

Twelve Cabinet Ministers Who Died in Office

Ministerial Resignations in the Thatcher & Major Governments

Fifteen Cabinet Ministers Sacked by Mrs Thatcher

Chancellors with the Most Budgets since 1945

Tony Blair’s First Cabinet

William Hague’s First Shadow Cabinet

Liberal Democrat Spokespeople

Ten Youngest MPs in the House of Commons Today

Eight MPs from Ethnic Minorities

Ten Places MPs Have Visited on Fact Finding Trips

Ten Places MPs Don’t Go on a Fact Finding Trip

Top Ten Questions Asked on Tours of the Houses of Parliament

Fifty Words & Phrases Ruled Out of Order by The Speaker



Part 2                 Elections & Voting


Voting in the 1997 General Election

State of the Parties in the House of Commons After the 1997 Election

Parties Contesting the 1997 Election

Ten Seats with Highest Turnout at 1997 Election

Ten Seats with Lowest Turnout at 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Labour Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Conservative Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Liberal Democrats in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Smallest Share of the Vote for the Labour Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Smallest Share of the Vote for the Conservative Party in 1997 Election

The Seats with the Smallest Share of the Vote for the Liberal Democrats in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Referendum Party in the 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the UK Independence Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Socialist Labour Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Green Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the Vote for the Liberal Party in 1997 Election

Ten Seats with the Highest Share of the vote for the British National Party in 1997 Election

Ten Largest Increases in the Labour Vote at the 1997 Election

Ten Largest Increases in the Conservative Vote at the 1997 Election

Ten Largest Increases in the Liberal Democrat Share of the Vote at the 1997 Election

Ten Largest Decreases in the Labour Share of the Vote at the 1997 Election

Ten Largest Decreases in the Conservative Vote at the 1997 Election

Ten Largest Decreases in the Liberal Democrat Vote at the 1997 Election

Five Largest Labour Majorities at 1997 Election

Five Smallest Labour Majorities at 1997 Election

Five Largest Conservative Majorities at 1997 Election

Five Smallest Conservative Majorities at 1997 Election

Five Largest Liberal Democrat Majorities at 1997 Election

Five Smallest Liberal Democrat Majorities at 1997 Election

Parliamentary Election Results Since 1945

Electorate Figures

Election Turnouts in the Twentieth Century

Ten Lowest Votes in General Elections

Ten Seats with Highest Proportion of Ethnic Minority Voters

Ten Seats with the Highest Proportion of Owner-Occupiers

Ten Seats with the Highest Proportion of Council Tenants

Ten Highest Conservative Votes in General Elections Since 1929

Ten Lowest Conservative Votes in General Elections Since 1929

Ten Highest Labour Votes in General Elections Since 1929

Ten Lowest Labour Votes in General Elections Since 1929

Highest Liberal (Democrat) Votes In General Elections Since 1929

Lowest Liberal (Democrat) Vote in General Elections Since 1929

Party Share of the Vote in Elections since 1918

Ten Most Marginal Labour Seats at the 1992 Election

Ten Most Marginal Conservative Seats after the 1992 Election

Ten Most Marginal Liberal Democrat seats after the 1992 Election

Labour Party Election Slogans

Liberal Democrat Election Slogans

Conservative Party Election Slogans

Top Twelve Celebrities Who have Stood for Parliament and Lost

Ten MP’s Who Won Their Seats With the Lowest Per Centage Share of the Vote

Four Occasions When a General Election Has Not Been held on a Thursday

Seventeen By Election Results During the 1992-97 Parliament

Top Ten Signs You’re Losing the Election

Top Ten Ways to Make Elections More Interesting

Top Ten Excuses for Losing an Election


Part 3                 Parties & Policies


Leaders of the Conservative Party Since 1900

Leaders of the Labour Party Since 1900

Leaders of the Liberal Party & Liberal Democrats Since 1900

Elections for the Conservative Party Leadership

Elections for the Leadership of the Labour Party

Elections for the Deputy Leadership of the Labour Party

Chairmen of the Conservative Party Since 1970

Chairmen of the Parliamentary Labour Party Since 1970

Top Fourteen Donors to the Conservative Party 1995-96

Top Ten Donors to the Labour Party 1995-96

Nine Backbench Groups/Dining Clubs for Tory MPs

Leaders of the Conservative Group in the European Parliament

Leaders of the Labour Group in the European Parliament

Conservative MPs to Have Been Deselected by Their Constituency Parties Since 1945

Eight Most Oddly Named Parties to have Fought an Election

Twelve Minor Parties which have had MPs in the 20th Century

Nationalisations & Privatisations

Labour MPs to have been deselected by their Constituency Parties since 1987

Post War Chairmen of the 1922 Committee

Top Ten Political Telephone Numbers

A Ten Point Transport Policy for the Next Government

Ten Things Which Should be Against the Law But Aren’t

Top Ten Rejected Names for the Liberal Democrats


Part 4                 World Politics


Eight Austrian Chancellors since 1945

Eleven Belgian Prime Ministers since 1961

Nine Danish Prime Ministers since 1960

Seven French Presidents since 1947

Sixteen French Prime Ministers since 1958

Six German Chancellors Since 1949

Fourteen Irish Prime Ministers Since 1932

Twenty Six Italian Prime Ministers since 1960

Ten Dutch Prime Ministers since 1960

Eight Russian & Soviet Heads of Government since 1922

Seven Spanish Prime Ministers since 1939

Nine Swedish Prime Ministers since 1946

Nine Longest Serving World Leaders

Ten First Ten Female Presidents and Prime Ministers

Top Thirty Women Politicians who have become Party Leaders, Prime Minister or President

Names of Parliaments Abroad

Top Ten US Presidents

Bottom Ten US Presidents

Eight American Presidents to die in Office

US Presidents with Most Electoral College Votes

US Presidents with Highest Popular Votes

Oldest US Presidents (at inauguration)

Youngest US Presidents (at inauguration)

Canadian Prime Ministers since 1935

Chinese Prime Ministers since 1949

Ten Indian Prime Ministers since 1949

Thirteen New Zealand Prime Ministers Since 1940

Twelve Israeli Prime Ministers since 1948

Fifteen Japanese Prime Ministers since 1960

Eleven Australian Prime Ministers Since 1945

Last Ten US Presidents

Political Parties in European Countries

Political Parties World-Wide

Top Seventeen International Organisations


Part 5                 General Politics


Ten Biggest Trade Unions

Top Forty Pressure Groups

Top Fifteen Policy Think Tanks

Tip O’Neill’s Checklist for Successful Politicians

Colin Powell’s Rules of Life

Key Dates in British Political History

Top Twenty Political “Isms”

Top Thirty Political Acronyms

Top 10 Lobbying Companies

Thirteen British Political Web Sites on the Internet

Top Ten Political Academics

Top Ten Post-War Best Prime Ministers We Never Had


Part 6                 Quotations


Top Ten Conservative Quotes

Top Ten Quotes on Socialism

Top Ten Liberal Quotes

Top Ten Quotes on Political Power

Top Ten Quotes on the Commons & Lords

Top Ten Quotes on Democracy

Top Ten Quotes on Economics

Top Ten Quotes by Sir Humphrey Appleby

Top Ten Political Insults

Top Ten Memorable One Liners from Margaret Thatcher

Top Ten Quotes on the Art of Politics

Top Ten Bushisms

Top Ten Quotes from President Reagan

Top Ten Politician’s Comments on The Spice Girls

Top Ten Quotes on Political Leadership

Top Ten Memorable One Liners from Norman Tebbit

Top Ten Conservative-Conservative Insults

Top Ten Labour-Conservative Insults

Top Ten Conservative-Labour Insults

Top Ten Labour-Labour Insults

Top Ten Things Politicians Said & Wished They Hadn’t


Part 7                 Sex, Money & Scandal


Ten Politicians Women Find Most Attractive

Ten Politicians Women Find Most Unattractive

Ten Politicians Forum Magazine Readers Find Sexy

Ten Politicians Forum Magazine Readers Find a Turn-Off

Sex Scandals in British Politics Since 1980

Thirteen Politicians Involved in Gay Scandals

Top Ten Signs You’re in Love With a Politician

Top Ten David Mellor Campaign Slogans

Politician’s Chat Up Lines

Conservative Political Turn Ons

Old Labour Political Turn Ons

New Labour Political Turn Ons

Top Twenty Visually Challenged Politicians

Top Twenty Most Good Looking Male Politicians

Top Twenty Most Good Looking Female Politicians

Top Ten Politicians Gays Find Attractive


Part 8                 More Unofficial Lists (The Funny Part!)


Ten Fictional Works Featuring Margaret Thatcher

MPs’ Eight Most Over-Rated Authors

MPs’ Four Greatest Political Books Ever

MPs’ Favourite Ever Books

MPs’ Favourite ever authors

Ten Author Politicians

Top Ten Ways of Spotting a Bleeding Heart Liberal

Ten Things You Always Wanted to Know about The Economist

Craig Brown’s Top Ten Most Unlikely Political Headlines

Top Ten Ways Politicians Avoid Answering the Question

Top Ten Ways Margaret Thatcher Stalled Interviewers

Margaret Thatcher’s Desert Island Discs

Neil Kinnock’s Desert Island Discs

Tony Blair’s Desert Island Discs

Ten Questions Not to Ask…

Top Ten Political Medical Complaints

Eighteen Biographies of Margaret Thatcher

Ten Things John Major Won’t Say Sorry For

Politicians Who Have Appeared in the Movies or on TV Playing Themselves

Nine Actors who have Played Margaret Thatcher

Top Ten Campaign Promises Tony Blair is Sorry he Made

Top Ten John Major Excuses for Losing the Election

Top Ten Ways to Make William Hague more Exciting

Top Ten Ways to Make Communism Fun Again

Top Ten Reasons to Increase MPs’ Salaries

Top Ten Reasons to Vote

Top Ten Ways France is Preparing for a Single Currency

Top Ten Signs That You’re Politically Correct

Top Ten Things Which Would be Different if the Prime Minister were a Dog

Top Ten Ways Cherie Blair Could Improve her Image

Ten Football Personalities who Vote Conservative

Ten Things in Politics you would have Thought Impossible 10 Years Ago

Top Ten Signs Your MP is Going Mad

Ten Favourite Westminster Haunts for Politicians

Ten Politicians with  Odd  Hobbies

Ten Politicians Who Have Appeared in TV or Newspaper Adverts

Top Ten Political Movies

Twenty Football Clubs with Political Supporters

Top Twenty Nicknames for Mrs Thatcher

Top Thirty Political Nicknames

Sixteen Names Denis Healey called Margaret Thatcher

Tony Blair’s New Year’s Resolutions

Top Ten Signs Tony Blair Thinks he’s Margaret Thatcher

Ten Ways to Raise Money for the Conservative Party

Tony Blair’s Worst Nightmares

Ten Signs John Redwood is Trying to be Human

Ten Signs Cherie Booth Thinks She’s Hillary Clinton

Ten Politicians who have Appeared on Have I Got News For You

Top Ten Ways to Let a 20 Point Opinion Poll Lead Slip

Top Ten Rejected Titles for John Major’s Memoirs

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Parliamentary Picnics

Top Ten Unbelievable Political Headlines

Thirty Five Celebrities who support the Conservatives

Twenty One Celebrities Who Support Labour

Five Celebrities who support the Liberal Democrats

Seven Famous Political Marriages

Eight Occasions When Politicians Have Cried in Public

Seven Actor Politicians

Ten Famous Political Homes

Top Ten Alternative Jobs for Politicians

Top Ten Politician’s Names for Voters

Top Ten Good Things About Being Prime Minister

Top Ten Good Things About Being Deputy Prime Minister

Top Ten Signs Tony Blair has Become ‘Hip’

Ten Things You’d Love to Hear Politicians Say But Never Will

Ten Ways of Knowing When a Politician is Telling a Lie

Ten Reasons to Vote for the Green Party

Twelve Translations for the Politically Incorrect

Forty Two Translations of Things Politicians Say

Things You Should Never Say if You Meet Bill Clinton






Part One


Parliament & Government



British Prime Ministers 1721-present


2010-                  David Cameron

2007-10              Gordon Brown

1997-07              Tony Blair

1990-96              John Major

1979-90              Margaret Thatcher

1976-79              James Callaghan

1974-76              Harold Wilson

1970-74              Edward Heath

1964-70              Harold Wilson

1963-64              Sir Alec Douglas-Home

1957-63              Harold Macmillan

1955-57              Sir Anthony Eden

1951-55              Winston Churchill

1945-51              Clement Attlee

1940-45              Winston Churchill

1937-40              Neville Chamberlain

1935-37              Stanley Baldwin

1929-35              Ramsay MacDonald

1924-29              Stanley Baldwin

1924                   Ramsay MacDonald

1923-24              Stanley Baldwin

1922-23              Andrew Bonar Law

1916-22              David Lloyd George

1908-16              Herbert Asquith

1905-08              Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman

1902-05              Arthur Balfour

1895-02              Marquess of Salisbury

1894-95              Earl of Rosebery

1892-94              William Ewart Gladstone

1886-92              Marquess of Salisbury

1886                   William Ewart Gladstone

1885-86              Marquess of Salisbury

1880-85              William Ewart Gladstone

1874-80              Benjamin Disraeli

1868-74              William Ewart Gladstone

1868                   Benjamin Disraeli

1866-68              Earl of Derby

1865-66              Earl Russell

1859-65              Viscount Palmerston

1858-59              Earl of Derby

1855-58              Viscount Palmerston

1852-55              Earl of Aberdeen

1852                   Earl of Derby

1846-52              Lord John Russell

1841-46              Sir Robert Peel

1835-41              Viscount Melbourne

1834-35              Sir Robert Peel

1834                   Viscount Melbourne

1832-34              Earl Grey

1832                   Duke of Wellington

1830-32              Earl Grey

1828-30              Duke of Wellington

1827-28              Viscount Goderich

1827                   George Canning

1812-27              Lord Liverpool

1809-12              Spencer Perceval

1807-09              Duke of Portland

1806-07              Lord Grenville

1804-06              William Pitt the Younger

1801-04              Henry Addington

1783-1801          William Pitt the Younger

1783                   Duke of Portland

1782-83              Earl of Shelburne

1782                   Marquis of Rockingham

1770-82              Lord North

1766-70              Duke of Grafton

1765-66              Marquis of Rockingham

1763-65              George Grenville

1762-63              Earl of Bute

1757-62              Duke of Newcastle

1757                   Earl Waldegrave

1756-57               Duke of Devonshire

1754-56              Duke of Newcastle

1746-54              Henry Pelham

1746                   Earl of Bath

1743-46              Henry Pelham

1742-43              Earl of Wilmington

1721-42              Sir Robert Walpole


Sixteen Prime Ministers Born in London


Duke of Newcastle

George Grenville

Earl of Chatham

Lord North

Henry Addington

Spencer  Perceval

Earl of Liverpool

George Canning

Lord Melbourne

Lord John Russell

Lord Palmerston

Benjamin Disraeli

Lord Rosebery

Clement Attlee

Harold Macmillan

Alec Douglas Home


Five Prime Ministers born in Scotland


Earl of Bute

Earl of Aberdeen

Arthur Balfour

Henry Campbell-Bannerman

Ramsay MacDonald


Four Prime Ministers with No Siblings


Earl of Liverpool

Stanley Baldwin

Ramsay MacDonald

Tony Blair


Ten Prime Ministers who Married Twice


Sir Robert Walpole

Duke of Grafton

Earl of Shelburne

Henry Addington

Earl of Liverpool

Lord John Russell

Earl of Aberdeen

Henry Asquith

David Lloyd George

Anthony Eden


Eleven Prime Ministers Who Had No Children


Earl of Wilmington

Duke of Newcastle

Marquess of Rockingham

William Pitt

Lord Grenville

Earl of Liverpool

Lord Palmerston

Benjamin Disraeli

Arthur Balfour

Henry Campbell-Bannerman

Edward Heath


Twenty Longest Serving Prime Ministers since 1721


1. Sir Robert Walpole                     20 yrs 10 months

2. William Pitt the Younger            18 yrs 11 months

3. Lord Liverpool                           14 yrs 8 months

4. Marquess of Salisbury                13 yrs 9 months

5. William Ewart Gladstone            12 yrs 5 months

6. Lord North                                 12 yrs 1 month

7. Margaret Thatcher                      11 yrs 6 months

8. Henry Pelham                             10 yrs 7 months

9. Tony Blair                                  10 yrs 2 months

10. Viscount Palmerston                 9 yrs 4 months

11. Herbert Asquith                        8 yrs 8 months

12. Winston Churchill                    8 yrs 7 months

  1. Harold Wilson                  7 yrs 8 months
  2. Duke of Newcastle           7 yrs 7 months
  3. Stanley Baldwin               7 yrs 2 months
  4. Benjamin Disraeli             6 yrs 11 months
  5. Ramsay MacDonald         6 yrs 9 months
  6. Harold Macmillan             6 yrs 9 months
  7. Lord Melbourne                6 yrs 8 months
  8. John Major                       6 yrs 5 months


Length of service of 20th Century Prime Ministers


Marquess of Salisbury                    13 yrs 9 months

Margaret Thatcher                          11 yrs 6 months

Tony Blair                                      10 yrs 2 months

Herbert Asquith                              8 yrs 8 months

Winston Churchill                          8 yrs 8 months

Harold Wilson                                7 yrs 9 months

Stanley Baldwin                             7 yrs 2 months

Ramsay MacDonald                       6 yrs 9 months

Harold Macmillan                          6 yrs 9 months

John Major                                     6 yrs 5 months

Clement Attlee                               6 yrs 3 months

David Lloyd George                       5 yrs 10 months

Edward Heath                                 3 years 8 months

Arthur Balfour                                3 years 5 months

James Callaghan                             3 years 1 month

Neville Chamberlain                       2 yrs 11 months

Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman     2 yrs 4 months

Sir Anthony Eden                           1 year 9 months

Sir Alec Douglas-Home                  1 year

Andrew Bonar Law                         7 months


Ten Shortest Serving Prime Ministers


1. George Canning                          119 days

2. Viscount Goderich                      130 days

3. Andrew Bonar Law                     209 days

4. Duke of Devonshire                    225 days

5. Earl of Shelburne                        266 days

6. Earl of Bute                                317 days

7. Alec Douglas-Home                   363 days

8. Lord Grenville                            1 yr 42 days

9. Duke of Grafton                          1 yr 106 days

10. Lord Rosebery                          1 yr 109 days



Twenty Three Politicians who Became Prime Minister More Than Once


4            William Ewart Gladstone

4            Marquess of Salisbury

4            Herbert Asquith

4            Ramsay MacDonald

4            Stanley Baldwin

4            Harold Wilson

3            Earl of Derby

3            Winston Churchill

3            Margaret Thatcher

2            Duke of Newcastle

2            Earl of Rockingham

2            Duke of Portland

2            William Pitt

2            Duke of Wellington

2            Lord Melbourne

2            Robert Peel

2            Lord John Russell

2            Duke of Palmerston

2            Benjamin Disraeli

2            Lloyd George

2            Clement Attlee

2            Harold Macmillan

2            John Major


Nine Deputy Prime Ministers


The post of Deputy Prime Minister does not officially exist.   It is entirely at the discretion of the Prime Minister whether a deputy is appointed.  Winston Churchill led the way by appointing his coalition partner as his deputy during the war.


Clement Attlee                  1942-45

Herbert Morrison              1945-51

Sir Anthony Eden             1951-55

R A Butler                        1962-63

William Whitelaw            1979-88

Sir Geoffrey Howe            1989-90

Michael Heseltine             1995-97

John Prescott                    1997-2010

Nick Clegg                       2010-


Eleven Prime Ministers who did not Attend University


Duke of Devonshire

Earl of Rockingham

Duke of Wellington

Banjamin Disraeli

David Lloyd George

Andrew Bonar Law

Ramsay MacDonald

Neville Chamberlain

Winston Churchill

James Callaghan

John Major


Twenty Five Prime Ministers who Attended Oxford University


George Grenville

Earl of Shelburne

Earl of Wilmington

Henry Pelham

Duke of Portland

Lord Grenville

Earl of Chatham

Lord North

Lord Addington

Earl of Liverpool

George Canning

Robert Peel

Earl of Derby

William Gladstone

Lord Salisbury

Lord Rosebery

Henry Asquith

Clement Attlee

Anthony Eden

Harold Macmillan

Alec Douglas-Home

Harold Wilson

Edward Heath

Margaret Thatcher

Tony Blair

David Cameron


Thirteen Prime Ministers who Attended Cambridge University


Robert Walpole

Duke of Newcastle

William Pitt

Duke of Grafton

Spencer Perceval

Viscount Goderich

Earl Grey

Lord Melbourne

Earl of Aberdeen

Lord Palmerston

Arthur Balfour

Henry Campbell-Bannerman

Stanley Baldwin


Seven Prime Ministers who Died in Office


Earl of Wilmington

Henry Pelham

Earl of Rockingham

William Pitt

Spencer Perceval

George Canning

Lord Palmerston


Twelve Prime Ministers Never Awarded a Peerage


George Grenville

Robert Peel

William Gladstone

Henry Campbell-Bannerman

Andrew Bonar Law

Ramsay MacDonald

Neville Chamberlain

Winston Churchill

Edward Heath

John Major

Tony Blair

Gordon Brown


Four Prime Ministers who Fought Duels


Earl of Shelburne

William Pitt

George Canning

Duke of Wellington


Ten Prime Ministers Injured in Accidents


Lord North                       Broke his arm in 1776 after falling from his horse

Earl of Chatham                Fell off his horse in 1777 following a stroke

Duke of Portland              Suffered a dislocated collar bone and a fractured rib in a riding accident in 1782

George Canning                Injured leg in riding accident in 1804

Earl of Bute                      Fell down a cliff while collecting plants

Earl Grey                          Injured from a falling picture frame

William Gladstone            Lost the top of his left forefinger in a shooting incident

Ramsay MacDonald         Knocked down by a bicycle

Harold Macmillan             Knocked down by a taxi

John Major                       Injured his knee in a car accident in Nigeria


Ten Prime Ministers on the Fast Track


The average span of time between a Prime Minister first entering Parliament and being appointed Prime Minister is about 25 years.  There a follows a list of those who achieved the highest Office in the land the quickest…


  1. William Pitt                 2 yrs
  2. Lord Addington           6
  3. John Major                  11
  4. Duke of Grafton          11
  5. Spencer Perceval         13
  6. Tony Blair                   13
  7. Earl of Rockingham    14
  8. Stanley Baldwin          15
  9. Duke of Devonshire    15
  10. Lord North                  15


Ten Prime Ministers on the Slow Track


This list shows the Tortoise PMs - those who took years and years to reach the highest Office in the land...


  1. Lord Palmerston                       47 yrs
  2. Earl of Aberdeen                       46
  3. Earl Grey                                  44
  4. Earl of Wilmington                   43
  5. Duke of Newcastle                    39
  6. Winston Churchill                     39
  7. Henry Campbell-Bannerman     37
  8. William Gladstone                    35
  9. George Canning                        33
  10. Lord John Russell                     32


Ten Longest Serving Prime Ministers in the House of Commons


  1. Winston Churchill                     63 yrs
  2. William Gladstone                    62
  3. Lord Palmerston                       58
  4. Lloyd George                            54
  5. Edward Heath                           51
  6. Arthur Balfour                          48
  7. Lord John Russell                     47
  8. Alec Douglas-Home                  42
  9. James Callaghan                       41
  10. Robert Peel                               41



Top Ten Youngest Prime Ministers


1            24 yrs    William Pitt the Younger

2            33          Duke of Grafton

3            35          Earl of Rockingham

4            36          Duke of Devonshire

5            37          Lord North

6            42          Earl of Liverpool

7            43          David Cameron

7            43          Lord Addington

7            43          Tony Blair

10          44          Robert Walpole

10          44          Viscount Goderich


Nine Oldest Prime Ministers


80          William Gladstone (CHECK)

80          Lord Palmerston

80          Winston Churchill

75          Benjamin Disraeli

73          Earl Russell

72          Lord Salisbury

71          Duke of Portland

71          Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman

71          Neville Chamberlain


Ten Oldest People to Have Been Elected Prime Minister


82          William Gladstone

76          Winston Churchill

75          Duke of Palmerston

73          Lord John Russell

69          Duke of Portland

69          Henry Campbell-Bannerman

69          Benjamin Disraeli

69          Earl of Wilmington

68          Earl of Aberdeen

68          Neville Chamberlain



Most Common Zodiac Signs of British Prime Ministers


Libra                   7            Pelham, George Grenville. Grafton, Palmerston, MacDonald, Thatcher, Cameron

Aries                   6            North, Portland, Canning, Derby, Callaghan, Major

Pisces                  6            Rockingham, Grey, Melbourne, Chamberlain, Wilson, Brown

Gemini                5            Bute, Pitt, Addington, Liverpool, Eden

Pisces                  5            Rockingham, Grey, Melbourne, Chamberlain, Wilson

Aquarius             4            Peel, Aberdeen, Salisbury, Macmillan

Scorpio               4            Chatham, Lord Grenville, Perceval, Goderich

Taurus                4            Shelburne, Wellington, Rosebery, Blair

Virgo                  4            Walpole, Campbell-Bannerman, Asquith, Bonar Law

Cancer                3            Newcastle, Douglas-Home, Heath

Leo                     3            Russell, Balfour, Baldwin

Capricorn            3            Gladstone, Lloyd George, Attlee

Sagittarius           2            Disraeli, Churchill


(The list excludes Wilmington & Devonshire whose exact birth dates are not known)


Ten Longest Living Prime Ministers


  1. Harold Macmillan                     92
  2. Winston Churchill                     90
  3. William Gladstone                    88
  4. Sir Alec Douglas Home             87         
  5. Henry Addington                      86
  6. Lord John Russell                     85
  7. Clement Attlee                          84
  8. Duke of Wellington                  83
  9. David Lloyd George                  82
  10. Lord Rosebery                          82



Prime Ministers’ Last Words


Harold Macmillan: “I think I will go to sleep now”.

Neville Chamberlain: “Approaching dissolution brings relief”.

Stanley Baldwin: “I am ready”.

David Lloyd George: “The sign of the cross, the sign of the cross”.

Henry Campbell-Bannerman: “This is not the end of me”.

William Gladstone: “Amen”.

Benjamin Disraeli: “I had rather live but I am not afraid to die”.

Lord Palmerston: “That’s Article 98, now go on to the next”. (thinking he was signing a treaty)

Earl of Derby: “Bored to utter extinction”.

Duke Wellington: “Yes, if you please”. (when offered a cup of tea)

Spencer Perceval: “Oh, I am murdered”.

William Pitt: “Oh my country, how I leave my country”.

Earl of Chatham: “Leave your Father, and go to the defence of your country”. (to his son, William Pitt)


Stages of a Bill’s Progress to Becoming an Act of Parliament


First Reading (House of Commons)

Second Reading

Standing Committee

Report Stage

Third Reading

First Reading (House of Lords)

Second Reading

Committee Stage

Report Stage

Third Reading

Consideration of Lords Amendments (House of Commons)

Royal Assent


Fourteen Speakers of the House of Commons


2009-                  John Bercow

2000-09              Michael Martin

1992-00              Betty Boothroyd

1983-92              Bernard Weatherill

1976-83              George Thomas

1971-76              Selwyn Lloyd

1965-71              Dr Horace King

1959-65              Sir H Hylton-Foster

1951-59              W Morrison

1943-51              D Clifton Brown

1928-43              E Fitzroy

1921-28              J Whitley

1905-21              J Lowther

1895-1905          W Gully


Fathers of the House Since 1944


The Father of the House of Commons is the Member with the longest uninterrupted service.  The current Father of the House, Sir Edward Heath, was first elected in 1950.


2010-                  Sir Peter Tapsell

2005-10              Alan Williams

2001-05              Tam Dalyell

1992-01              Sir Edward Heath

1987-92              Sir Bernard Braine

1983-87              James Callaghan

1979-83              J Parker

1974-79              G Strauss

1965-74              Sir R Turton

1964-65              R A Butler

1959-64              Sir Winston Churchill

1952-59              D Grenfell

1951-52              Sir H O’Neill

1944-51              Earl Winterton


Votes of No Confidence Since 1976


Date                       Government  Opposition   Subject


9 June 1976                      309        290        Economy

23 March 1977                 322        298        General

20 July 1977                     312        282        Economy

14 December 1978            300        290        Economy

28 March 1979                 310        311        General

28 February 1980              327        268        Economy

27 July 1981                     331        262        Economy

28 October 1981               312        250        Economy

31 January 1985                395        222        Economy

22 November 1990           367        247        Resignation of Margaret Thatcher

27 March 1991                 358        238        Community Charge

24 September 1992           322        296        Economy

23 July 1993                     339        299        Europe 



Emergency Recalls of the House of Commons since 1945


September 1949                Devaluation

September 1950                Korean War

October 1951                    Dissolution

September 1956                Suez Crisis

September 1959                Dissolution

October 1961                    Berlin Wall Crisis

January 1968                    Expenditure Cuts

August 1968                     Czechoslovakia and Nigeria

May 1970                         Dissolution

September 1971                Northern Ireland

January 1974                    Fuel Crisis

June 1974                         Northern Ireland

April 1982                        Falklands Crisis

September 1990                Kuwait

September 1992                Exchange Rate Policy

May 1995                         Bosnia

September 1998                Omagh bomb

September 2001                Terror attacks on New York

April 2002                        Death of the Queen Mother

September 2002                Iraq & WMD

July 2011                          Media and the Police

August 2011                     Riots


Cabinet Secretaries Since 1916


2011      Sir Jeremy Heywood

2005      Sir Gus O’Donnell

2001      Sir Andrew Turnbull

1998      Sir Richard Wilson

1987      Sir Robin Butler

1979      Sir Robert Armstrong

1973      Sir John Hunt

1963      Sir B Trend

1947      Sir N Brook

1938      Sir E Bridges

1916      Sir M Hankey



British Members of the European Commission


2009      Baroness Ashton

2004      Peter Mandelson

1999      Chris Patte & Neil Kinnock

1995      Sir Leon Brittan & Neil Kinnock

1989      Sir Leon Brittan & Bruce Millan

1985      Lord Cockfield & Stanley Clinton Davies

1981      Christopher Tugendhat & Ivor Richard

1977      Roy Jenkins & Christopher Tugendhat

1973      Sir Christopher Soames & G Thomson


Eleven Ministers Responsible for European Affairs Since 1974


2010      David Lidington

2009      Chris Bryant

2009      Baroness Kinnock

2008      Caroline Flint

2007      Jim Murphy

2006      Geoff Hoon

2005      Douglas Alexander

2002      Denis MacShane

2000      Peter Hain

1999      Keith Vaz

1999      Geoff Hoon

1998      Joyce Quin

1997      Doug Henderson

1994      David Davis

1993      David Heathcoat-Amory

1990      Tristan Garel-Jones

1989      Francis Maude

1986      Lynda Chalker

1983      Malcolm Rifkind

1979      Douglas Hurd

1977      Frank Judd

1976      David Owen

1974      Roy Hattersley


Fifteen Peers who have Renounced their Titles


1963      Viscount Stansgate (Anthony Wedgwood Benn)

1963      Lord Altrincham (John Grigg)

1963      Earl of Home (Sir Alec Douglas Home)

1963      Viscount Hailsham (Quintin Hogg)

1964      Lord Southampton (E Fitzroy)

1964      Lord Monkswell (W Collier)

1964      Lord Beaverbrook (Sir Max Aitken)

1964      Earl of Sandwich (V Montagu)

1966      Lord Fraser of Allander (Sir Hugh Fraser)

1970      Earl of Durham (A Lambton)

1971      Lord Sanderson of Ayot (A Sanderson)

1972      Lord Reith (C Reith)

1973      Lord Silkin (A Silkin)

1975      Lord Archibald (G Archibald)

1977      Lord Merthyr (T Lewis)


Eleven Downing Street Press Secretaries since 1964


2011      Craig Oliver

2010      Andy Coulson

2009      Simon Lewis

2007      Michael Ellam

2003      David Hill

1997      Alastair Campbell

1996      Jonathan Haslam

1994      Christopher Meyer

1990      Gus MacDonald

1979      Bernard Ingham

1976      Tom McCaffery

1974      Joe Haines

1973      W Haydon

1970      Donald Maitland

1969      Joe Haines

1964      Trevor Lloyd-Hughes


Ten Longest Serving MPs This Century


62          Winston Churchill

54          David Lloyd George

51          Sir Peter Tapsell

51          Sir Edward Heath

49          G Lambert

49          T P O’Connor

48          Arthur Balfour

47          J Parker

47          J Gretton

47          H Chaplin




Fourteen Wives Who Have Inherited Their Husband’s Seat


1990      Irene Adams (Paisley North)

1986      Llin Golding (Newcastle under Lyne)

1982      Helen McElhone (Glasgow Queens Park)

1957      Lady Gammans (Hornsey)

1953      Lena Jeger (Holborn & St Pancras)

1943      Lady Apsley

1941      B Rathbone (Bodmin)

1937      Lady Davidson (Hemel Hempstead)

1937      A Hardie (Glasgow Springburn)

1930      Lady Noel-Buxton (North Norfolk)

1927      Countess of Iveagh (Southend)

1923      H Philipson (Berwick on Tweed)

1921      M Wintringham (Louth)

1919      Lady Astor (Plymouth Sutton)


Nine Oldest MPs Since 1900


96          S Young (1918)

92          D Logan (1964)

89          Winston Churchill (1964)

88          W Thorne (1945)

87          R Cameron (1913)

86          J Collings (1918)

86          Sir S Chapman (1945)

85          Emanuel Shinwell (1970)

85          S Davies (1972)


Eight Youngest MPs Since 1900


21          Viscount Turner (1904)

21          J Esmonde (1915)

21          P Whitty (1916)

21          J Sweeney (1918)

21          E Harmsworth (1919)

21          Sir H Lucas Tooth (1924)

21          P Clarke (1955)

21          Bernadette Devlin (1969)


Ten Occasions When a Son or Daughter has Succeeded a Parent


1987      Hilary Armstrong (Durham NW)

1970      Greville Janner (Leicester NW)

1959      Paul Channon (Southend West)

1953      P Ford (Down North)

1945      G Lambert (South Molton)

1914      Austen Chamberlain (Birmingham)

1913      P Meehan (Queens Co)

1913      R McCalmont (Antrim East)

1909      T Lundon (Limerick East)

1908      Stanley Baldwin (Bewdley)


Women in Parliament


              Conservative       Labour                LibDem               Other                  Total    


              CandidatesMPs   Cand     MPs       Cand      MPs      



1918      1            0            4            0            4            0           

1922      5            1            10          0            16          1           

1923      7            3            14          3            12          2           

1924      12          3            22          1            6            0           

1929      10          3            30          9            25          1           

1931      16          13          36          0            6            1           

1935      19          6            35          1            11          1           

1945      14          1            45          21          20          1           

1950      28          6            42          14          45          1           

1951      29          6            39          11          11          0           

1955      32          10          43          14          12          0           

1959      28          12          36          13          16          0           

1964      24          11          33          18          25          0           

1966      21          7            30          19          20          0           

1970      26          15          29          10          23          0           

1974 F   33          9            40          13          40          0           

1974 O  30          7            50          18          49          0           

1979      31          8            52          11          51          0           

1983      40          13          78          10          115        0           

1987      46          17          92          21          106        2           

1992      59          20          138        37          144        2           

1997      67          12          159        101        122        3           

2001      93          14          155        95          139        5

2005      122        17          166        98          145        10

2010      153        49          191        81          134        7





History of MPs’ Pay


1912      MPs receive first ever salary of £400 pa

1913      £100 of MPs’ salaries made tax exempt in lieu of expenses.  This remained the case until 1954.

1924      MPs allowed free rail travel between London and their constituencies

1931      Salaries are cut to £360 as an austerity measure

1934      Salary restored to £380 and then to £400.

1937      MPs are awarded a 50% pay rise taking their salaries to £600 pa.

1946      Salaries are increased to £1,000.  Free travel allowed also between MPs’ homes and Westminster.

1953      A sessional allowance of £2 per sitting day (except Fridays) was introduced.

1957      The sessional allowance was replaced by an annual expense allowance of £750.  Although the £1000 salary and the £750 expense allowance were taxable, MPs were allowed to claim as tax free any expenses up to £1,750 incurred in respect of their parliamentary duties.

1964      Following a report by the Lawrence Committee salaries were increased to £3,250.

1965      The Members’ Pensions Act was passed introducing a comprehensive scheme for MPs and their families.  MPs were to contribute £150 pa, as would the Exchequer.

1969      A secretarial allowance of £500 was introduced and MPs were allowed free phone calls within the UK.

1972      Salaries were increased to £3,500 following the Boyle Committee Report and the secretarial allowance was doubled to £1,000.  A further allowance of £750 pa was granted to those MPs  living outside London for extra living expenses, while London based MPs were granted an extra £175 pa.  Travel allowances were extended and a termination grant equal to three months pay was introduced for MPs who lose their seats at elections.

1972      Improved pension scheme was introduced.

1974      Secretarial allowance rose by 75% to £1,750 and the living outside London allowance was raised to £1,050.  The London supplement was upped to £228 pa.

1976      Further improvements in the pension scheme.

1977      Salary increased to £6,270 while secretarial allowances increased to £3,687. London supplement upped to £385, travel allowances further extended and an allowance introduced for overnight stays away from home up to £1,814.

1983      MPs salaries linked to Civil Service rates.

1992      After a Top Salaries Review Board enquiry into office costs MPs voted themselves a substantial increase to nearly £40,000 per annum.



MP’s Pay in Figures


Year                    Salary                 Office Allowance

1911                   400

1931                   360

1934                   380

1935                   400

1937                   600

1954                   1250

1964                   3250

1969                   3250                   500

1972                   4500                   1000

1974                   4500                   1750

1975                   5750                   3200

1976                   5750                   3512

1977                   6270                   3687

1978                   6897                   4200

1979                   9450                   4600

1980                   11750                 8000

1981                   13950                 8480

1982                   14510                 8820

1983                   15308                 11364

1984                   16106                  12437

1985                   16904                 13211

1986                   17702                 20140

1987                   18500                 21302

1988                   22548                 22588

1989                   24107                 24903

1990                   26701                 27166

1991                   28970                 28986

1992                   30854                 39960

1993                   30854                 40380

1994                   31687

1995                   32538

1996                    43000

1997                   43860

1998                   45066

1999                   47008

2000                   48371

2001                   51822

2002                   55118

2003                   56358

2004                   57485

2005                   59095

2006                   59686

2007                   61820

2008                   63291

2009                   64766

2012                   65738                


Ministerial Salaries


                                         Prime Minister                  Cabinet Ministers


1831                                   5,000                                5,000

1937                                 10,000                                5,000

1965                                 15,250                                9,750

1972                                 23,000                              16,000

1978                                 25,529                              17,829

1979                                 28,765*                            24,915

1983                                 46,660*                            37,080

1987                                 58,650*                            47,020

1990                                 66,851*                            55,221

1992                                 76,234                              63,047

1995                                 80,395                              66,489

2002                                 116,436                            69,861

2010                                 150,000                            89,740


* Margaret Thatcher opted to take the same salary as other Cabinet Ministers



MPs Who Have Voluntarily Crossed the Floor of the House Since 2001


2007      Robert Wareing (Liverpool West Derby)      Labour to Independent

2007      Quentin Davies (Grantham)                          Conservative to Labour

2006      Clare Short (Birmingham Ladywood)           Labour to Independent

2005      Robert Jackson (Wantage)                            Conservative to Independent

2002      Andrew Hunter (Basingstoke)                      Conservative to Independent

2001      Paul Marsden (Shreesbury)                          Labour to Liberal Democrat

1999      Shaun Woodward (Witney)               Conservative to Labour

1999      Dennis Canavan  (Falkirk)                           Labour to Independent

1998      Sir Peter Temple-Morris (Leominster)              Conservative to Labour

1997      Sir George Gardiner (Reigate)                      Conservative to Referendum

1996      Peter Thurnham (Bolton NW)                       Conservative to LibDem

1996      Alan Howarth (Stratford upon Avon)              Conservative to Labour

1995      Emma Nicholson (Devon West)                   Conservative to LibDem

1981      Christopher Brocklebank Fowler (Norfolk NW)  Conservative to SDP

1977      Reg Prentice (Daventry)                               Labour to Conservative

1974      Christopher Mayhew (Woolwich East)         Labour to Liberal

1929      Sir W Jowitt (Preston)                                  Liberal to Labour

1926      J Kenworthy (Hull Central)                          Liberal to Labour

1919      J Wedgwood (Newcastle under Lyme)          Liberal to Labour

1918      J Martin (St Pancras E)                                 Liberal to Labour

1918      E John (East Denbigh)                                  Liberal to Labour

1915      J Hancock (Mid Derbyshire)                        Labour to Liberal

1914      B Kenyon (Chesterfield)                              Labour to Liberal

1914      W Johnson (Nuneaton)                                 Labour to Liberal

1906      A Taylor (East Toxteth)                                Conservative to Liberal

1906      J W Walker (Chester le Street)                     Liberal to Labour

1904      I Guest (Plymouth)                                       Conservative to Liberal


*Excludes Labour MPs who defected to the SDP in 1981-82. See list below


MPs Who Crossed the Floor From Labour to the SDP in 1981-82


Tom Ellis (Wrexham)

R Crawshaw (Liverpool Toxteth)

Tom Bradley (Leicester East)

John Cartwright (Woolwich East)

John Horam (Gateshead West)

Robert Maclennan (Caithness & Sutherland)

J Roper (Farnworth)

David Owen (Plymouth Devonport)

William Rodgers (Stockton)

Neville Sandelson (Hayes & Harlington)

Mike Thomas (Newcastle East)

Ian Wrigglesworth (Thornaby)

E Lyons (Bradford West)

James Wellbeloved (Erith & Crayford)

M O’Halloran (Islington North)

Dick Mabon (Greenock)

R Mitchell (Southampton Itchen)

D Ginsburg (Dewsbury)

J Dunn (Liverpool Kirkdale)

Tom McNally (Stockport South)

E Ogden (Liverpool West Derby)

John Grant (Islington Central)

George Cunningham (Islington South)

R Brown (Hackney South)

J Thomas (Abertillery)

E Hudson-Davies (Caerphilly)

Bruce Douglas-Mann (Mitcham)

B Magee (Leyton)

Bob Mellish (Bermondsey)


Twenty MPs who have Voluntarily Resigned their Seats to Test Public Opinion in a By-Election


2008      David Davis                                   Con       Con                     Won

1986      15 Ulster Unionist MPs                   UUP      UUP                    14 reelected, 1 lost*

1983      Bruce Douglas-Mann                     Lab        SDP                     Lost

1973      Dick Taverne                                  Lab        Dem Lab              Reelected

1955      Sir R Acland                                   Lab        Ind                      Lost

1938      Duchess of Atholl                           Con       Ind                      Lost

1929      Sir W Jowitt                                   Lib        Lab                      Reelected


*In 1986 all 15 Ulster Unionist MPs resigned their seats in protest at the Anglo Irish Agreement.


Twelve Husbands & Wives Who Have Served as MPs at the Same Time This Century


1997-11              Alan & Ann Keen

1992-10              Gordon & Bridget Prentice

1984-01               Peter & Virginia Bottomley

1983-10              Nicholas & Anne Winterton

1966-70              J & G Dunwoody

1966-70              R & A Kerr

1945-50              J & F Paton

1938-45              W & J Adamson

1945-60              Aneurin Bevan & Jennie Lee

1929-31              Sir O & Lady C Mosley

1929                   H & R Dalton

1928-29              W & H Runciman


Ten Classes of People who are not allowed to stand for election to Parliament


  1. Peers of the Realm
  2. People convicted of various crimes
  3. Bankrupts
  4. Priests and ministers of the Roman Catholic Church
  5. Priests and Ministers of the Church of Scotland
  6. Priests and Ministers of the Church of England
  7. People under the age of 21
  8. People with mental disorders
  9. Non British citizens
  10. Public servants such as civil servants, judges, police officers and members of the armed forces




MPs Who Have Been Suspended From the House for Defying the Chair


2009      John McDonnell

2007      George Galloway

2006      Dennis Skinner

2005      Dennis Skinner

1995      Dennis Skinner

1993      Dr Ian Paisley

1992      Dennis Skinner

1990      D Douglas

1990      John Browne

1989      Tam Dalyell

1989      Jim Sillars

1988      Tam Dalyell

1988      Ron Brown

1988      David Nellist

1988      Alex Salmond

1988      Harry Cohen

1988      Ken Livingstone

1988      John Hughes

1987      Daffyd Wigley

1987      Tam Dalyell

1986      Dafydd Wigley

1985      Brian Sedgemore

1984      Martin Flannery

1984      Dennis Skinner

1984      Tam Dalyell

1982      Andrew Faulds

1981      J McQuade, P Robinson, Dr Ian Paisley (twice)

1981      Ron Brown (twice)

1972      C Loughlin

1968      Dame I Ward

1952      Bessie Braddock

1951      S Silverman

1949      E Smith


Four MPs who Resigned their Seats after Being Declared Bankrupt


P McHugh (Nat, North Leitrim) 1903

N Murphy (Nat, S Kilkenny) 1909

H Bottomley (Ind, hackney South) 1912

C Homan (Con, Ashton under Lyne) 1928



MPs Who Resigned Their Seats Following Censure for Their Conduct in Parliament


T Mardy Jones                  Lab, Pontypridd  1931      Abuse of travel voucher

J Thomas                          Nat Lab, Derby                 1936              Budget leak

Sir A Butt                         Con, Balham & Tooting    1936              Budget leak

Gary Allighan                  Lab, Gravesend                    1947 Contempt of the House after writing in the World Press News that MPs gave confidential information to strangers when drunk and took money for tip-offs to the press


J Belcher                           Lab, Sowerby                   1949              Aftermath of Lynskey tribunal

John Profumo                   Con, Stratford on Avon     1963              Lying to the House

John Cordle                      Con, Bournemouth East    1977              Poulson affair



Twentieth Century Foreign Secretaries


2010-                  William Hague

2007-10              David Miliband

2006-07              Margaret Beckett

2001-05              Jack Straw

1997-01              Robin Cook

1995-97              Malcolm Rifkind

1989-95              Douglas Hurd

1989                   John Major

1983-88              Sir Geoffrey Howe

1982-83              Francis Pym

1979-82              Lord Carrington

1977-79               Dr David Owen

1976-77              Anthony Crosland

1974-76              James Callaghan

1970-74              Sir Alec Douglas Home

1968-70              Michael Stewart

1966-68              George Brown

1964-66              Patrick Gordon-Walker

1963-64              R A Butler

1960-63              Earl of Home

1955-60              Selwyn Lloyd

1955                   Harold Macmillan

1951-55              Sir Anthony Eden

1951                   Herbert Morrison

1945-51              Ernest Bevin

1940-45              Sir Anthony Eden

1938-40              Viscount Halifax

1935-38              Sir Anthony Eden

1935                   Sir Samuel Hoare

1931-35              Sir John Simon

1931                   Marquess of Reading

1929-31              Arthur Henderson

1924-29              Sir Austen Chamberlain

1924                   Ramsay Macdonald

1919-24              Earl Curzon

1916-19              Arthur Balfour

1905-16              Sir Edward Grey

1900-05              Marquess of Lansdowne

1900                   Marquess of Salisbury


Twentieth Century Chancellors of the Exchequer


2010-                  George Osborne

2007-10              Alistair Darling

1997-07              Gordon Brown

1993-97              Kenneth Clarke

1990-94              Norman Lamont

1989-90              John Major

1983-89              Nigel Lawson

1979-83              Sir Geoffrey Howe

1974-79              Denis Healey

1970-74              Anthony Barber

1970                   Ian Macleod

1967-70              Roy Jenkins

1964-67              James Callaghan

1962-64              Reginald Maudling

1960-62              Selwyn Lloyd

1958-60              David Heathcoat-Amory

1957-58              Peter Thorneycroft

1955-57              Harold Macmillan

1951-55              R A Butler

1950-51              Hugh Gaitskell

1947-50              Sir Stafford Cripps

1945-47              Hugh Dalton

1943-45              Sir J Anderson

1940-43              Sir K Wood

1937-40              Sir John Simon

1931-37              Neville Chamberlain

1929-31              Philip Snowden

1924-29              Winston Churchill

1924                   Philip Snowden

1923-24              Neville Chamberlain

1922-23              Stanley Baldwin

1921-22              Sir R Horne

1919-21              Austen Chamberlain

1916-19              Andrew Bonar-Law

1915-16              R McKenna

1908-16              David Lloyd George

1905-08              Herbert Asquith

1903-05              Austen Chamberlain

1902-03              C Ritchie

1900-02              Sir M Hicks-Beach


Twentieth Century Home Secretaries


2010-                  Theresa May

2009-10              Alan Johnson

2007-09              Jacqui Smith

2006-07              John Reid

2004-07              Charles Clarke

2001-04              David Blunkett

1997-01              Jack Straw

1993-97              Michael Howard

1992-93              Kenneth Clarke

1990-92              Kenneth Baker

1989-90              David Waddington

1985-88              Douglas Hurd

1983-85              Leon Brittan

1979-83              William Whitelaw

1976-79              Merlyn Rees

1974-76              Roy Jenkins

1972-74              Robert Carr

1970-72              Reginald Maudling

1967-70              James Callaghan

1965-67              Roy Jenkins

1964-65              Sir Frank Soskice

1962-64              Henry Brooke

1957-62              R A Butler

1954-57              Gwilym Lloyd-George

1951-54              Sir David Maxwell-Fyfe

1945-51              Chuter Ede

1945                   Sir D Somervell

194-45                Herbert Morrison

1939-40              Sir J Anderson

1937-39              Sir Samuel Hoare

1935-37              Sir John Simon

1932-35              Sir J Gilmour

1931-32              Herbert Samuel

1929-31              J Clynes

1924-29              Sir W Joynson-Hicks

1924                   Arthur Henderson

1922-24              W Bridgeman

1919-22              E Shortt

1916-19              Sir G Cave

1916                   Sir Herbert Samuel

1915-16              Sir John Simon

1911-15              R McKenna

1910-11              Winston Churchill

1905-10              H Gladstone

1902-05              A Akers-Douglas

1900-02              C Ritchie

1900-02              Sir M White-Ridley


Ten Longest Serving Ministers This Century


29 yrs    Sir Winston Churchill (1905-55)

28 yrs    Earl of Balfour (1885-1929)

26 yrs    R A Butler (1932-64)

24 yrs    Duke of Devonshire (1863-1903)

22 yrs    Earl of Halsbury (1875-1905)

22 yrs    W Long (1886-1921)

22 yrs    Sir Austen Chamberlain (1895-1931)

22 yrs    Viscount Swinton (1920-57)

21 yrs    Marquess of Salisbury (1866-1902)

21 yrs    Sir M Hicks-Beach (1868-1902)


Twenty One Cabinet Ministers Who Suffered Election Defeats while Holding Office


1997      Tony Newton

1997      Roger Freeman

1997      Malcolm Rifkind

1997      Michael Forsyth

1997      William Waldegrave

1997      Ian Lang

1997      Michael Portillo

1992      Christopher Patten

1979      Shirley Williams

1974      Gordon Campbell

1970      Jack Diamond

1965      Patrick Gordon-Walker

1964      Anthony Barber

1950      A Creech-Jones

1945      Leo Amery

1945      Brendan Bracken

1945      Harold Macmillan

1945      Sir John Grigg

1945      Sir D Somervell

1935      Ramsay MacDonald

1935      Malcolm MacDonald


Twelve Cabinet Ministers Who Died in Office


1916      Lord Kitchener

1925      Lord Curzon

1930      Lord Thomson

1931      Viscount Hartshorn

1932      Sir D Maclean

1936      Sir G Collins

1940      Sir J Gilmour

1943      Sir K Wood

1947      Miss E Wilkinson

1951      Ernest Bevins

1970      Iain Macleod

1977      Anthony Crosland


Ministerial Resignations in the Thatcher & Major Governments


1981      Keith Speed                      Defence Estimates

1981      Angus Maude                   Personal

1982      Nicholas Fairbairn            Handling of a Scottish prosecution

1982      Lord Carrington                Falklands

1982      Richard Luce                    Falklands

1982      Humphrey Atkins                           Falklands

1982      Nicholas Budgen              Northern Ireland policy

1983      John Nott                          Left politics

1983      Cecil Parkinson                Affair with Sara Keays

1985      Ian Gow                            Anglo Irish Agreement

1986      Michael Heseltine             Westland affair

1986      Leon Brittain                    Westland affair

1987      Sir Keith Joseph               Personal

1987      Nicholas Edwards             Left politics

1987      Norman Tebbit                 Personal

1987      Lord Havers                      Personal

1988      Lord Whitelaw                  Health

1988      Edwina Currie                   Salmonella in eggs

1989      Nigel Lawson                   Economic Policy

1990      Nicholas Ridley                Remarks about Germany

1990      Sir Geoffrey Howe            Foreign Policy

1992      David Mellor                    Affair with Antonia de Sancha

1993      Michael Mates                  Links with Asil Nadir

1994      Jonathan Aitken                Resigned to sue The Guardian

1994      Tim Yeo                           Affair

1994      Earl of Caithness              Private scandal

1994      Michael Brown                 Newspaper allegations over gay affair

1994      Neil Hamilton                   Links with a lobbying firm

1994      Tim Smith                        Links with an accountancy firm

1993      Norman Lamont                Refused to accept demotion

1995      Robert Hughes                  Newspaper allegations of extra marital affair

1996      Steven Norris                    Personal Reasons

1996      Rod Richards                    Newspaper allegations of extra marital affair




Fifteen Cabinet Ministers Sacked by Mrs Thatcher


Norman St John Stevas     1981

Mark Carlisle                    1981

Lord Soames                     1981

Sir Ian Gilmour                 1981

Lady Young                      1983

Francis Pym                      1983

Lord Cockfield                 1984

Jim Prior                           1984

Patrick Jenkin                   1985

Peter Rees                         1985

John Biffen                       1987

Michael Jopling                1987

Lord Hailsham                  1987

John Moore                       1989

Paul Channon                   1989


Chancellors with the Most Budgets since 1945


11 Gordon Brown (1997-2007)

7  Denis Healey (1974-79)

6 R A Butler (1951-55)

6 Nigel Lawson (1983-89)

5 Sir Geoffrey Howe (1979-83)

4 Kenneth Clarke (1993-97)

4 Hugh Dalton (1945-7)

4 James Callaghan (1964-67)

3 Sir Stafford Cripps (1947-50)

3 David Heathcoat Amory (1958-60)

3 Roy Jenkins (1967-70)

3 Anthony Barber (1970-74)

3 Norman Lamont (1990-93)


Tony Blair’s First Cabinet


Prime Minister                               Tony Blair

Deputy Prime Minister                   John Prescott

Chancellor                                      Gordon Brown

Foreign Secretary                           Robin Cook

Home Secretary                              Jack Straw

Lord Chancellor                             Lord Irvine of Lairg

Education & Employment              David Blunkett

Leader of the House of Commons   Ann Taylor

President of the Board of Trade      Margaret Beckett

Scotland                                         Donald Dewar

Wales                                             Ron Davies

Northern Ireland                             Mo Mowlam

Chief Secretary to the Treasury       Alistair Darling

Agriculture                                     Jack Cunningham

Defence                                          George Robertson

Health                                            Frank Dobson

Social Security                               Harriet Harman

International Development              Clare Short

Culture, Media & Sport                  Chris Smith

Lord Privy Seal                               Lord Richard

Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancs   David Clark

Transport                                        Gavin Strang

Environment                                   John Prescott

Chief Whip                                     Nick Brown



Ten Places MPs Have Visited on Fact Finding Trips




1 Paris

2 Washington DC

3 Rio de Janeiro

4 Sydney

5 Tokyo

6 Hong Kong

7 Stockholm

8 Auckland

9 Barbados

10 Jamaica


Ten Places MPs Don’t Go on a Fact Finding Trip




1 Skegness

2 Bognor Regis

3 Wigan

4 The Gorbals

5 Isle of Dogs

6 Hartlepool

7 Toxteth

8 Great Yarmouth

9 Rwanda

10 Home


Top Ten Questions Asked on Tours of the Houses of Parliament




1 Is this building as old at the US of A?

2 Can I crash here?

3 Why do those MPs sit on green leather?

4 Shouldn’t they be locked up in a cage?

5 Do we get to meet Mrs Thatcher?

6 How long exactly are two sword lengths?

7 Exactly how early do MPs have an Early Day Motion?

8 Has there ever been a White Rod?

9 Why does the Serjeant at Arms wear stockings, or shouldn’t we ask?

10 Hey, where’s the sleaze?


Fifty Words & Phrases Ruled Out of Order by The Speaker



Tory skunks


Silly ass

Dirty dog

Stool Pigeons






Political weasel & guttersnipe

Perverter of the truth

Dishonest evasion


Economical with the truth

Numerological inexactitude

Telling porkies

Seditious blasphemer

Damned lot of cads

Pharisees and hypocrites

Unspeakable blackguard



Smart Alec





Right Honourable cheat

Ignorant bigot

Pompous sod




Boring old twat


Bugger all


Political Shyster

Tweak his goolies

Poached bullshit

Poppycock, bunkum and balderdash

Arrogant little shit



Mr Oil Slick


Little squirt



Part Two


Elections & Voting





Parliamentary Election Results Since 1945


Year                    Con       Lab        Lib        Others   Majority               Turnout


1945                   213        393        12          22          Lab 146               72.6%

1950                   299        315          9            2          Lab    5                84.1%

1951                   321        295          6            3          Con  17               82.5%

1955                   344        277          6            3          Con  54               76.8%

1959                   365        258          6            1          Con 100               78.8%

1964                   304        317          9            0          Lab     5               77.1%

1966                   253        363        12            2          Lab    96               75.9%

1970                   330        287          6            7          Con    30              72.0%

1974 Feb             297        301        14          23          Lab Minority 78.7%

1974 Oct             277        319        13          26          Lab      3               72.8%

1979                   339        269        11          16          Con   43               72.0%

1983                   397        209        23          21          Con 143               72.7%

1987                   376        229        22          23          Con 102               75.3%

1992                   336        271        20          24          Con 21                77.7%

1997                   165        419        46          29          Lab 179               71.7%  

2001                   166        413        52          28          Lab 168               59.1%

2005                   198        356        62          30          Lab 66                 61.3%

2010                   307        258        57          28          None                   65.1%


Electorate Figures


                           Population                        Electorate


1900                   41,155,000                         6,730,935

1910                   44,915,000                          7,694,741

1919                   44,599,000                        21,755,583

1929                   46,679,000                        28,850,870

1939                   47,762,000                        32,403,559

1949                   50,363,000                        34,269,770

1959                   52,157,000                        35,397,000

1970                   55,700,000                        39,153,000

1979                   55,822,000                        41,769,000

1983                   56,347,000                        42,197,344

1987                   56,930,000                        43,181,321

1992                   57,998,000                        43,249,721

1997                   58,500,000                        43,757,478

2001                   59,009,000                        44,403,238

2005                   60,209,000                        44,261,545

2010                   61,300,000                        45,610,369


Election Turnouts in the Twentieth Century


1900      74.6%

1906      82.6%

1910      86.6%

1918      58.9%

1922      71.3%

1923      70.8%

1924      76.6%

1929      76.1%

1931      76.3%

1935      71.2%

1945      72.7%

1950      84%

1951      82.5%

1955      76.7%

1959      78.8%

1964      77.1%

1966      75.8%

1970      72%

1974      78.7%

1974      72.8%

1979      76%

1983      72.7%

1987      75.3%

1992      77.7%

1997      71.5%


Ten Lowest Votes in General Elections


0 votes  F R Lees, Chartists, Ripon in 1860


5 votes  Commander Bill Boaks, Public Safety Democratic Monarchist White Resident, Glasgow Hillhead, 1982


5 votes  Dr Kailish Trevedi, Independent Janata Party, Kensington, July 1988


7 votes J Connell, Peace Party, Chesterfield, March 1984


8 votes  Esmond Bevan, Independent, Bermondsey, February 1983


10 votes Peter Reed Smith, Republican, Darlington, March 1983


10 votes D A Kean, Social Democratic Party, Glasgow Central, June 1980


10 votes T L Keen, CFMPB, Warrington, July 1981


11 votes S E Done, ACMFTP, Croydon NW, October 1981


11 votes  H Wise, English Democratic Party, Warrington, July 1981


Source: Almanac of British Politics


Ten Highest Conservative Votes in General Elections Since 1929


1            1992      14,092,891

2            1987      13,763,066

3            1959      13,749,830

4            1951      13,717,538

5            1979      13,697,690

6            1955      13,286,569

7            1970      13,145,123

8            1983      13,012,315

9            1950      12,502,567

10          1964      12,001,396


Ten Lowest Conservative Votes in General Elections Since 1929


1            2001      8,357,622

2            2005      8,772,473

3            1929      8,656,473

4            1997      9,602,857

5            1945      9,988,306

6            1974 O  10,464,817

7            2010      10,726,555

8            1966      11,418,433

9            1935      11,810,158

10          1974 F   11,868,906


Ten Highest Labour Votes in General Elections Since 1929


1            1951      13,948,605

2            1997      13,516,632

3            1950      13,266,592

4            1966      13,064,951

5            1955      12,404,970

6            1955      12,215,538

7            1964      12,205,814

8            1970      12,179,341

9            1945      11,995,152

10          1974 F   11,639,243


Ten Lowest Labour Votes in General Elections Since 1929


1            1931      6,991,000 (inc National Labour)

2            1935      8,325,491

3            1929      8,389,512

4            1983      8,456,934

5            2010      8,606,518

6            2001      9.546,944

7            1987      10,029,778

8            1974 O  11,457,079

9            1979      11,532,148

10          1992      11,559,735


Highest Liberal (Democrat) Votes In General Elections Since 1929


1            1983      7,780,949 (including SDP)

2            1987      7,341,633 (including SDP)

3            2010      6,836,188

4            1974 F   6,063,470

5            1992      5,999,384

6            2005      5,981,874

7            1974 O  5,346,754

8            1929      5,308,510

9            1997      5,242,894


Lowest Liberal Democrat Vote in General Elections Since 1929


1            1955         722,405

2            1951         730,556

3            1935      1,422,116

4            1959      1,638,571

5            1970      2,117,035

6            1945      2,248,226

7            1931      2,318,510 (inc National Liberal & Independent Liberal)

8            1966      2,327,533

9            1950      2,621,548

10          1964      3,092,878


Party Share of the Vote in Elections since 1918


                           Con                    Lab                     Lib                      Other


1918                   36                       23.7                    25.6                     14.7

1922                   38.2                    29.5                    29.1                       3.2

1923                   38.1                    30.5                    29.6                       1.8

1924                   48.3                    33                       17.6                       0.8

1929                   38.2                    37.1                    23.4                       1

1931                   55.2                    32.2                    10.7                       1.9

1935                   53.7                    38.6                      6.4                       1.3

1945                   39.8                    47.8                      9                          2

1950                   43.5                    46.1                      9.1                       1.3

1951                   48                       48.8                      2.5                       0.7

1955                   49.7                    46.4                      2.7                       1.2

1959                   49.4                    43.8                      5.9                       0.9

1964                   43.4                    44.1                    11.2                       1.3

1966                   41.9                    47.9                      8.5                       1.2

1970                   46.4                    43.0                      7.5                       3.2

1974 F                 37.9                    37.1                    19.3                       5.7

1974 O                35.8                    39.2                    18.3                       6.7

1979                   43.9                    36.9                    13.8                       5.4

1983                   42.4                    27.6                    25.4                       4.7

1987                   43.4                    31.7                    23.2                       1.7

1992                   42.3                    35.2                    18.3                       4.2

1997                   30.7                    43.2                    16.8                       9.3                    

2001                   31.7                    40.7                    18.3                       8.7

2005                   32.4                    35.2                    22.0                     10.4

2010                   36.1                    29.0                    23.0                     11.1




Labour Party Election Slogans


2010      A Future Fair For All

2005      Britain: Forward Not Back

2001      Schools & Hospitals First

1997      Britain Deserves Better

1992      It’s time to get Britain working again

1987      Britain Will Win

1983      Think positive, act positive & New Hope for Britain

1979      The Labour way is the better way

1974 O  Britain Needs a Labour Government

1974 F   Let us Work Together

1970      Now Britain’s Strong - Let’s Make Her a Great Place to Live In

1966      You know Labour Government works & Time for Decision

1964      Let’s go with Labour

1959      Britain belongs to you

1955      Forward with Labour

1951      Our First Duty - Peace

1950      Let us Win Through Together

1945      Let us Face the Future

1929      Socialism in Our Time


Liberal (Democrat) election slogans


2010      The Real Alternative

2005      Change That Works For You

2001      A Real Chance for Real Change

1997      Make the Difference

1992      Changing Britain For Good

1987      The Time Has Come

1983      Working Together for Britain

1979      Real Fight is for Britain

1974 O  Britain Needs a Liberal Government

1974 F   No slogan

1970      What a Life!

1966      For all the People

1964      Think for Yourself!

1959      People count

1955      Crisis Unresolved

1951      The Nation’s Task

1950      No Easy Way

1945      No slogan

1918      A Land Fit for Heroes to Live in

1910      Lords versus the People


Conservative Party Election Slogans


2010      Vote For Change

2005      Are You Thinking What We’re Thinking?

2001      Time For Common Sense

1997      You can only be sure with the Conservatives

1992      The Best Future For Britain

1987      The Next Moves Forward

1983      Challenge of Our Times

1979      Labour isn’t working & The Right Approach

1974O   Putting Britain First

1974 F   Who Governs Britain

1970      A Better Tomorrow

1966      Action not words

1964      Prosperity with a Purpose

1959      Life’s better with the Conservatives.  Don’t let Labour ruin it.

1955      United for Peace & Progress

1951      Britain Strong and Free

1950      This is the Road


1929      Safety First

1922      Tranquillity


Top Twelve Celebrities who have stood for Parliament and lost


1 Ted Dexter

2 Pamela Stephenson

3 Jonathan King

4 Vanessa Redgrave

5 Eric Morley

6 Ludovic Kennedy

7 Cynthia Payne

8 Auberon Waugh

9 Robin Day

10 Esther Rantzen

11 William Douglas Home

12 Mark Thomas





Ten MP’s Who Won Their Seats With the Lowest Per Centage Share of the Vote


1  Sir Russell Johnston      LibDem                            Inverness, Nairn & Lochaber1992     26.05%

2  F J Privett                     Con                                   Portsmouth Central  1922      26.82%

3  J McQuade                   DUP                                 Belfast North                  1979      27.61%

4  C W Crook                   Con                                   East Ham                           1922      29.74%

5  H G Strauss                   Con                                   Combined Universities         1946      29.98%

6  Rev William McCrea    DUP                                 Mid Ulster                           1983      30.02%

7  Mrs M A Bain               SNP                                  Dunbartonshire East          1974 O  31.20%

8  C G Dafis                      Plaid Cymru                     Ceridigon & Pembroke N    1992      31.29%

9  Peter Robinson              DUP                                 Belfast East                           1939      31.37%

10 J S Holmes                   Lab                                   Derbyshire North East           1918      31.43%


Source: David Boothroyd


Four Occasions When a General Election Has Not Been held on a Thursday


1931      Tuesday

1924      Wednesday

1922      Wednesday

1918      Saturday



Top Ten Signs You’re Losing the Election




1 Even your mother votes for the other guy

2 Suddenly the photo opportunity with the sheep doesn’t seem quite so smart

3 Popular campaign chant of “four more years” refers to your prison sentence

4 Jeremy Paxman describes you on air as “That total airhead”

5 You hate meeting people

6 Your opponent takes all his party workers to help a nearby marginal seat

7 You are Conservative candidate in Ebbw Vale

8 You’re known as the Candidate who can’t stop drooling

9 William Hill gives better odds on Eddie the Eagle winning Olympic Gold

10 Not even your cellmate wants to vote for you - even if he could


Top Ten Ways to Make Elections More Interesting




  1. Glue up the slot on the ballot box
  2. Every time a candidate kisses a baby, have him pelted with eggs
  3. Put Jeremy Vine on prozac
  4. Prime Minister’s speechwriter writes a speech of limericks
  5. UKIP votes to be counted by the same people who count the unemployment


  1. Abolish Party Political Broadcasts and replace them with old episodes of Captain Pugwash
  2. Make the Returning Officers sing the results to the tune of “Like a Virgin”
  3. Ditch the Dimblebores and get Fearne Cotton to present Election Night programme
  4. Abolish postal votes and give out 0898 numbers to raise money for tax cuts
  5. Fine opinion poll companies £1 million for every per centage point their predictions are wrong








Top Ten Excuses for Losing an Election




  1. Should have kept quiet about seeing Carravagio seventeen times
  2. Maybe not a good idea to have made that campaign speech in German
  3. Misread campaign manager’s memo as “kiss babes” - should have kissed babies
  4. Those negative campaign ads about myself were perhaps a mistake
  5. That constituency visit by Neil & Christine Hamilton wasn’t such a good idea after all
  6. Should never have described opponent as a great kisser
  7. Couldn’t believe they’d be stupid enough to vote for the other guy
  8. Shouldn’t have accepted that campaign donation from Bob Diamond
  9. That ‘hanging’s too good for them’ leaflet just wasn’t tough enough

10. Thought it was best out of three



Part Three


Parties & Policies




Leaders of the Conservative Party Since 1900


2005-                  David Cameron

2003-05              Michael Howard

2001-03              Iain Duncan Smith

1997-01              William Hague

1990-96              John Major

1975-90              Margaret Thatcher

1965-75              Edward Heath

1963-75              Alec Douglas-Home

1957-63              Harold Macmillan

1955-57              Anthony Eden

1940-55              Winston Churchill

1937-40              Neville Chamberlain

1923-37              Stanley Baldwin

1922-23              Andrew Bonar Law

1921-22              Austen Chamberlain

1911-21              Andrew Bonar Law

1902-11              Arthur Balfour

1900-02              Marquess of Salisbury


Leaders of the Labour Party Since 1900


2010-                  Ed Miliband

2007-10              Gordon Brown

1994-07              Tony Blair

1992-94              John Smith

1983-92              Neil Kinnock

1980-83              Michael Foot

1976-80              James Callaghan

1960-76              Harold Wilson

1955-60              Hugh Gaitskell

1935-55              Clement Attlee

1932-35              George Lansbury

1931-32              Arthur Henderson

1922-31              Ramsay MacDonald

1921-22              J Clynes

1917-21              W Adamson

1914-17              Arthur Henderson

1911-14              Ramsay MacDonald

1910-11              G Barnes

1908-10              Arthur Henderson

1906-08              Keir Hardie


Leaders of the Liberal Party & Liberal Democrats Since 1900


2007-                  Nick Clegg

2006-07              Sir Menzies Campbell

1999-06              Charles Kennedy

1987-99              Paddy Ashdown

1976-87              David Steel

1967-76              Jeremy Thorpe

1956-67              Joe Grimond

1945-56              Clement Davies

1935-45              Sir Archibald Sinclair

1931-35              Sir Herbert Samuel

1926-35              David Lloyd George

1908-26              Herbert Asquith

1900-08              Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman



Elections for the Conservative Party Leadership


1965                                 Edward Heath 150, Reginald Maudling 133, Enoch Powell 15      


1975      First Round         Margaret Thatcher 130 Ted Heath 119, Sir Hugh Fraser 16

               Second Round     Margaret Thatcher 110, William Whitelaw 79, Jim Prior 19, Sir Geoffrey Howe 19, John Peyton 11


1989                                 Margaret Thatcher 314, Sir Anthony Meyer 33


1990      First Round         Margaret Thatcher 204, Michael Heseltine 152

              Second Round      John Major 185, Michael Heseltine 131, Douglas Hurd 56


1995                                 John Major 218,   John Redwood 89


1997      First Round         Kenneth Clarke 49, William Hague 41, John Redwood 27, Peter Lilley 24                                            Michael Howard 23

              Second Round     Kenneth Clarke 64, William Hague 62, John Redwood 38

              Third Round        William Hague 92, Kenneth Clarke 70

2001      First Round         Michael Portillo 49, Iain Duncan Smith 39, Kenneth Clarke 36, Michael Ancram 21,

                                         David Davis 21

              Second Round     Michael Portillo 50, Iain Duncan Smith 42, Kenneth Clarke 39, David Davis 18,

                                         Michael Ancram 17

              Third Round        Kenneth Clarke 59, Iain Duncan Smith 54, Michael Portillo 53

              Fourth Round      Iain Duncan Smith 155,933 (61%), Kenneth Clarke 100,864 (39%)

2003                                 Michael Howard wins unopposed

2005      First Round         David Davis 62, David Cameron 56, Liam Fox 42, Kenneth Clarke 38

              Second Round     David Cameron 90, David Davis 56, Liam Fox 51

                                         David Cameron 14,446 (68%), David Davis 64,398 (32%)


Elections for the Leadership of the Labour Party


1922                   Ramsay MacDonald 61, J Clynes 56


1935                   First Round         Clement Attlee 58, Herbert Morrison 44, Arthur Greenwood 33

                           Second Round     Clement Attlee 88, Herbert Morrison 48


1955                   Hugh Gaitskell 157

                           Aneurin Bevan 57


1960                   Hugh Gaitskell 188, Harold Wilson 81


1963                   First Round         Harold Wilson 115, George Brown 88, James Callaghan 41

                           Second Round     Harold Wilson 144, George Brown 137


1976                     First Round        Michael Foot 90, James Callaghan 84, Roy Jenkins 56, Tony Benn 37, Denis Healey 30, Tony Crosland 17

                             Second Round     James Callaghan 141, Michael Foot 133, Denis Healey 38

                             Third Round       James Callaghan 176, Michael Foot 137


1980                      First Round        Denis Healey 112, Michael Foot 83, John Silkin 38, Peter Shore 32

                              Second Round    Michael Foot 139, Denis Healey 129


1983                   Neil Kinnock 71.2%, Roy Hattersley 19.3%, Eric Heffer 6.3%, Peter Shore 3.1%


1988                   Neil Kinnock 88.6%, Tony Benn 11.4%


1992                   John Smith 91%, Bryan Gould 9%


1994                   Tony Blair 57%, John Prescott 24.1%, Margaret Beckett 18.9%


2007                   Gordon Brown elected unopposed


2010                   First Round         David Miliband 37.78%, Ed Miliband, 34.33%, Ed Balls 11.79%,

Andy Burnham 8.68%, Diane Abbott 7.42%


                           Second Round     David Miliband 38.89%, Ed Miliband, 37.47%, Ed Balls 13.23%,

Andy Burnham 10.41%


Third Round        David Miliband 42.72%, Ed Miliband, 41.26%, Ed Balls 16.02%,


                           Fourth Round      Ed Miliband 50.65%, David Miliband 49.35%



Chairmen of the Conservative Party Since 1970


2010-                  Baroness Warsi & Lord Feldman

2009-10              Eric Pickles

2007-09              Caroline Spelman

2005-07              Francis Maude

2003-05              Liam Fix & Lord Saatchi

2002-03              Theresa May

2001-02              David Davis

1998-01              Michael Ancram

1997-98              Lord Parkinson

1995-96              Dr Brian Mawhinney

1994-95              Jeremy Hanley

1992-94              Sir Norman Fowler

1990-92              Christopher Patten

1989-90              Kenneth Baker

1987-89              Peter Brooke

1985-87              Norman Tebbit

1983-85              John Selwyn Gummer

1981-83              Cecil Parkinson

1975-81              Lord Thorneycroft

1974-75              William Whitelaw

1972-74              Lord Carrington

1970-72              Peter Thomas















Chairmen of the Parliamentary Labour Party Since 1970


2012      David Watts

2006      Tony Lloyd

2005      Ann Clwyd

2001      Jean Corston

1997      Clive Soley

1992      Doug Hoyle

1987      Stan Orme

1983      Jack Dormand

1979      Fred Willey

1974      Cledwyn Hughes

1974      Ian Mikardo

1970      Douglas Houghton






Conservative MPs to Have Been Deselected by Their Constituency Parties Since 1945


1997      Sir George Gardiner (Reigate)

1997      Sir Nicholas Scott (Kensington & Chelsea)

1996      Robert Banks (Harrogate)

1992      John Browne (Winchester)

1992      Sir Anthony Meyer (Clwyd NW)

1987      Christopher Murphy (Welwyn Garden City)

1979      R Cooke (Bristol W)

1979      B Drayson (Skipton)

1974 F   Sir C Taylor (Eastbourne)

1970      R Harris (Heston & Isleworth)

1964      J Henderson (Glasgow Cathcart)

1964      D Johnson (Carlisle)

1964      O Prior-Palmer (Worthing)

1964      M Lindsay (Solihull)

1959      L Turner (Oxford)

1959      Nigel Nicolson (Bournemouth East)

1954      Lord M Douglas Hamilton (Inverness)

1951      E Gates (Middleton & Prestwich)

1950      Sir G Fox (Henley)

1950      N Bower ( Harrow West)

1950      A Marsden (Chertsey)

1945      H Clifton Brown (Newbury)

1945      C Cunningham-Reid (St Marylebone)

1945      J McKie (Galloway)


Eight Most Oddly Named Parties to have Fought an Election


Belgrano Bloodhunger

Elvisly Yours Elvis Presley Party

Official Acne Party

Blancmange Thrower

Eurobean From the Planet Beanus

Let’s Have Another Party Party

Chauvinist Raving Alliance Party





Twelve Minor Parties which have had MPs in the 20th Century


Anti Waste League                                                    

Campaign for Social Democracy                               

Common Wealth Party                                              

Communist Party of Great Britain               

Co-operative Party                                                    

Empire Free Trade Crusade                                       

Independent Labour Party                            

Independent Parliamentary Group               

Irish National Movement

National Democratic & Labour Party

National Party

Scottish Prohibition Party


Nationalisations & Privatisations


1926      Central Electricity Generating Board                          Created as Government Body

1926      BBC                                                                           Created as Public Corporation

1933      London Passenger Transport Board                            Created as Public Sector Body

1943      North of Scotland Hydro-Electricity Board                 Created as Public Sector Body

1946      Bank Of England                                                       Nationalised

1946      Coal Industry                                                             Nationalised

1946      BOAC & BEA Airlines                                              Created as Public Sector Corporations

1947      Electricity Industry                                                     Nationalised

1948      Railway Industry                                                        Nationalised

1948      Road Haulage Industry                                               Nationalised

1948      Inland Waterways                                                      Nationalised

1948      Gas Industry                                                               Nationalised

1949      Iron & Steel Industry                                                  Nationalised

1953      Road Haulage Industry                                               Privatised

1954      UK Atomic Energy Authority                                     Created as Public Sector Body

1969      Post Office                                                                 Became a Public Corporation

1971      Rolls Royce                                                                Nationalised

1973      Thomas Cook & Carlisle Breweries                            Privatised

1975      British Leyland                                                          Nationalised

1976      British National Oil Corporation                                Created as Public Corporation

1977      British Aerospace                                                                    Created as Public Corporation

1977      British Shipbuilders                                                   Created as Public Corporation

1980      British Aerospace                                                                    Privatised

1981      Cable & Wireless                                                       Privatised

1982      Amersham International                                             Privatised

1982      National Freight Corporation                                      Privatised

1982      Britoil                                                                         Privatised

1982      Associated British Ports                                             Privatised

1984      Enterprise Oil                                                             Privatised

1984      British Telecom                                                         Privatised

1986      British Gas                                                                 Privatised

1987      British Airways                                                          Privatised

1987      Royal Ordnance                                                         Privatised

1987      Rolls Royce                                                                Privatised

1987      British Airports Authority                                          Privatised

1988      British Steel                                                               Privatised

1988      Rover Group                                                              Privatised

1989      Water companies                                                        Privatised

1990      Electricity industry                                                     Privatised

1992-7  Various Trust Ports                                                    Privatised

1995-6  Railway Industry                                                        Privatised

1996      British Energy                                                            Privatised

2001      National Air Traffic Services                                      Privatised

2004      British Technology                                                     Privatised

2007-8  British Nuclear Fuels                                                  Privatised

2008      Qinetiq                                                                       Privatised

2008      Royal Bank of Scotland                                              Part nationalised

2009      UKAEA                                                                     Privatised

2011      The Tote                                                                    Privatised

2012      Northern Rock                                                            Privatised




Post War Chairmen of the 1922 Committee


2010-                  Graham Brady

2001-10              Sir Michael Spicer

1997-01              Sir Archie Hamilton

1992-97              Sir Marcus Fox

1984-92              Sir Cranley Onslow

1972-84              Sir Edward du Cann

1970-72              Sir H Legge-Bourke

1966-70              Sir A Harvey

1964-66              Sir W Anstruther-Gray

1955-64              J Morrison

1951-55              D Walker-Smith

1945-51              Sir A Gridley     


Top Ten Political Telephone Numbers


1            0207 930 4433 - Number 10 Downing Street

2            0207 219 3000 - Houses of Parliament

3            001 202 456 1414 - The White House

4            0207 222 9000 - Conservative Central Office

5            0207 701 1234 - Labour Party Headquarters

6            0207 222 7999 - Liberal Democrat Headquarters

7            0131 226 3661 -  Scottish National Party

8            02920 472272 -   Plaid Cymru

9            02890 471155 -   Democratic Unionist Party

10          0800 5876587 – UKIP


A Ten Point Transport Policy for the Next Government




  1. Sedan chairs to be introduced into Central London
  2. New 10 man operated buses to be introduced thus curing unemployment at a stroke
  3. A fourth London airport to be built at Streatham
  4. Everyone over 70 banned from driving a Nissan Micra
  5. Dunkin Donuts to take over all Motorway Service Areas
  6. New study to be commissioned on a channel tunnel between England and Scotland
  7. All bus lanes to be abolished and turned into Mercedes 500SL lanes
  8. Taxi drivers fined £5 for every time they call you ‘Guv’
  9. Virgin Atlantic flight attendants must prove they are virgins

10. A £200 airport departure to be introduced to encourage people to go on holiday in Britain










Ten Things Which Should be Against the Law But Aren’t




  1. Fraudulent use of a filofax
  2. Being drunk in charge of a Labour Party manifesto
  3. Smelling of tuna fish
  4. Paying for your season ticket at Waterloo station in the rush hour
  5. Reading the Daily Mirror without just cause
  6. Grievous bodily odour
  7. Voting without due care and attention
  8. Causing a nuisance by asking for extra mayonnaise
  9. Wearing a T shirt with ‘I heart Nick Clegg’ on the front
  10. The phrase New Labour New Britain


Top Ten Rejected Names for the Liberal Democrats




1 The Liberal Dork-O-Crats

2 The SAS Party

3 The Artist formerly known as the Alliance Party

4 Liberals R Us

5 Literal Demoprats

6 The We’ll Put Your Taxes Up Party

7 The Not the SDP Party

8 The Sanctimonious Party

9 The Sad Party

10 The Liberal Party





Part Four


World Politics



Twelve Austrian Chancellors since 1945



2008      Werner Faymann

2007      Alfred Gusenbauer

2000      Wolfgang Schuessel

1997      Viktor Klima

1986      Franz Vranitzky

1983      Fred Sinowatz

1970      Bruno Kreisky

1964      Josef Klaus

1961      Alfons Gorbach

1953      Julius Raab

1945      Leopold Figl

1945      Karl Renner


Fourteen Belgian Prime Ministers since 1961


2011      Elio Di Rupo

2008      Yves Leterme

2008      Herman Van Rompuy

2008      Yves Leterme

1999      Guy Verhofstadt

1992      Jean-Luc Dehaene

1981      Wilfried Martens

1981      Marc Eyskens

1979      Wilfried Martens

1978      Paul Vanden Boeynants

1974      Leo Tindemans

1973      Edmond Leburton

1968      Gaston Eyskens

1966      Paul Vanden Boeynants

1965      Pierre Harmel

1961      Theo Lefevre


Twelve Danish Prime Ministers since 1960


2011      Helle Thorning-Schmidt

2009      Lars Lokke Rasmussen

2001      Anders Fogh Rasmussen

1993      Poul Rasmussen

1982      Poul Schluter

1975      Anker Jorgensen

1973      Poul Hartling

1971      Anker Jorgensen

1971      Jens Otto Krag

1968      Hilmar Baunsgard

1962      Jens Otto Krag

1960      Viggo Kampmann





Nine French Presidents since 1947


2012      Francois Hollande

2007      Nicolas Sarkozy

1995      Jacques Chirac

1981      Francois Mitterand

1974      Valery Giscard D’Estaing

1969      Georges Pompidou

1959      Charles de Gaulle

1954      Rene Coty

1947      Vincent Auriol


Twenty French Prime Ministers since 1958


2012      Jean-Marc Ayrault

2007      Francois Fillon

2005      Dominique de Villepin

2002      Jean-Pierre Rafferin

1997      Lionel Jospin

1995      Alain Juppe

1993      Edouard Balladur

1991      Edith Cresson

1988      Paul Rocard

1986      Jacques Chirac

1984      Laurent Fabius

1981      Pierre Mauroy

1976      Raymond Barre

1974      Jacques Chirac

1972      Pierre Messmer

1969      Jacques Chaban Delmas

1968      Jacques Maurice Couve de Murville

1962      Georges Pompidou

1959      Michel Debre

1958      Charles de Gaulle


Eight German Chancellors Since 1949


2005      Angela Merkel

1998      Gerhard Schroeder

1982      Helmut Kohl

1974      Helmut Schmidt

1969      Willy Brandt

1966      Kurt Georg Kiesinger

1963      Ludwig Erhard

1949      Konrad Adenauer


Sixteen Irish Prime Ministers Since 1932


2011      Enda Kenny

2008      Brian Cowen

1997      Bertie Ahern

1995      John Bruton

1992      Albert Reynolds

1987      Charles Haughey

1982      Garrett Fitzgerald

1982      Charles Haughey

1981      Garrett Fitzgerald

1979      Charles Haughey

1977      Jack  Lynch

1959      Sean Lermass

1957      Eamon de Valera

1954      John Costello

1951      Eamon de Valera

1948      John Costello

1932      Eamon de Valera


Thirty Italian Prime Ministers since 1960


2011      Mario Monti

2008      SilvioBerlusconi

2006      Romano Prodi

2001      Silvio Berlusconi

2000      Giuliano Amato

1998      Massimo D’Alema

1996      Romano Prodi

1995      Lamberto Dini

1994      Silvio Berlusconi

1993      Carlo Azeglio Ciampi

1992      Guiliano Amato

1989      Giulio Andreotti

1988      Ciriaco De Mita

1987      Giovanni Goria

1987      Giulio Andreotti

1983      Bettino Craxi

1982      Amintore Fanfani

1981      Giovanni Sadolini

1980      A Forlani

1978      Francesco Cossiga

1976      Guilio Andreotti

1974      Aldo Moro

1973      Mariano Rumor

1872      Guilio Andreotti

1970      Emilio Colombo

1968      Mariano Rumor

1968      Giovanni Leone

1963      Aldo Moro

1963      Giovanni Leone

1960      Amintore Fanfani

1960      Fernando Tambroni

1959      Antonio Segni    


Twelve Dutch Prime Ministers since 1960


2010      Mark Rutte

2002      Jan Peter Balkanende

1994      Wim Kok

1982      Ruud Lubbers

1977      Andreas Van Agt

1973      Joop den Uyl

1971      Barend Biesheuvel

1967      Petrus de Jong

1966      Jelle Zijlstra

1965      Joseph Cals

1963      Victor Marijnen

1959      John de Quay






Ten Russian & Soviet Heads of Government since 1922


2012      Vladimir Putin

2008      Dmitry Medvedev

2000      Vladimir Putin

1991      Boris Yeltsin

1985      Mikhail Gorbachev

1984      Konstantin Chernenko

1983      Yuri Andropov

1964      Leonid Brezhnev

1953      Nikita Khruschev

1953      Georgy Malenkov

1922      Joseph Stalin


Nine Spanish Prime Ministers since 1939


2011      Mariano Rajoy

2004      Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero

1995      Jose Maria Aznar

1982      Felipe Gonzalez

1981      Leopoldo Calvo-Sotelo

1976      Adolfo Suarez

1974      Carlos Arias

1973      Luis Carrero

1939      Francisco Franco


Ten Swedish Prime Ministers since 1946


2006      Fredrik Reinhardt

1994      Goran Persson

1991      Carl Bildt

1986      Ingvar Carlsson

1982      Olaf Palme

1979      Thorbjorn Falldin

1978      Ola Ullsten

1976      Thorbjorn Falldin

1969      Olaf Palme

1946      Tage Erlander



Ten First Ten Female Presidents and Prime Ministers


  1. Sirimavo Bandaranaike                           Ceylon/Sri Lanka         1960-64 & 1970-77
  2. Indira Gandhi                                         India                           1966-84
  3. Golda Meir                                             Israel                           1969-74
  4. Maria Estela Peron                                  Argentina                    1974-75
  5. Elisabeth Domitien                                 Central African Republic        1975
  6. Margaret Thatcher                                  United Kingdom         1979-90
  7. Maria Lurdes Pintasilgo                          Portugal                      1979
  8. Vigdis Finnbogadottir                             Iceland                        1980-
  9. Mary Eugenia Charles                            Dominica                    1980-95
  10. Gro Harlem Brundtland                          Norway                       1981 & 1986-89










Names of Parliaments Abroad


                           Lower House                                  Upper House


Argentina            House of Deputies                          Senate

Australia             House of Representatives               Senate

Austria                Nationalrat                                     Bundesrat

Belgium              Chamber of Representatives           Senate

Brazil                  Chamber of Deputies                      Senate

Bulgaria              Sobranje                                         Grand Sobranje

Canada                House of Commons                        Senate

Chile                   Chamber of Deputies                      Senate

China                  National People’s Congress            None

Colombia            Chamber of Representatives           Senate

Costa Rica           Legislative Assembly                     None

Cyprus                House of Representatives               None

Denmark             Folketing                                        None

Egypt                  National People’s Assembly           None

Finland               Diet                                                None

France                 National Assembly                         Senate

Germany             Bundestag                                      Bundesrat

Greece                 House of Representatives               None

Hungary              National Assembly                         None

Iceland                Althing                                           Althing

India                   Lok Sabha                                      Rajya Sabha

Indonesia            People’s Representative Council     None

Iran                     Majlis                                             None

Iraq                     National Assembly                         None

Ireland                Dail                                                Senate

Isle of Man          (Tynwald) House of Keys               Legislative Council

Israel                   Knesset                                          None                  

Italy                    Chamber of deputies                       Senate

Japan                  House of Representatives  House of Councillors

Korea, South       National Assembly                         None

Latvia                 Saeima                                           None

Liechtenstein      Diet                                                None

Mexico               Chamber of Deputies                      Senate

Netherlands         CHECK

Nicaragua           National Assembly                         None

Norway               (Storting) Odelsting                        Lagting

Pakistan              National Assembly                         Senate

Poland                Sejm                                               Senate

Portugal              National Assembly                         None

Romania                           Chamber of Deputies                      Senate

Russia                 Duma                                             Federation Council

South Africa        National Assembly                         Senate

Spain                  (Cortes) Congress of Deputies        Senate

Sweden               Riksdag                                          None                                             

Switzerland         Nationalrat                                     Staenderat

Syria                   People’s Council                            None

Turkey                National Assembly                         Senate

USA                    House of Representatives               Senate

Venezuela           Chamber of Deputies                      Senate

Zaire                   National Legislative Council          None






Top 10 US Presidents


1 Abraham Lincoln

2 George Washington

3 Franklin Roosevelt

4 Theodore Roosevelt

5 Thomas Jefferson

6 Woodrow Wilson

7 Andrew Jackson

8 Harry Truman

9 Dwight Eisenhower

10 James Polk


Source: 1982 Chicago Tribune poll of historians & academics


Bottom Ten US Presidents


1 Warren Harding

2 Richard Nixon

3 James Buchanan

4 Franklin Pierce

5 Ulysses Grant

6 Millard Fillmore

7 Andrew Johnson

8 Calvin Coolidge

9 John Tyler

10 Jimmy Carter


Source: 1982 Chicago Tribune poll of historians & academics


Eight American Presidents to die in Office


John Kennedy - assassinated

William Harrison - natural causes

Zachary Taylor - natural causes

Warren Harding - natural causes

Franklin Roosevelt - natural causes

Abraham Lincoln - assassinated

William McKinley - assassinated

James Garfield - assassinated


US Presidents with Most Electoral College Votes


  1. Ronald Reagan                          1984                   525
  2. Franklin Roosevelt                    1936                   523
  3. Richard Nixon                          1972                   520
  4. Ronald Reagan                          1980                   489
  5. Lyndon Johnson                        1964                   486
  6. Franklin Roosevelt                    1932                   472
  7. Dwight Eisenhower                   1956                   457
  8. Franklin Roosevelt                    1940                   449
  9. Herbert Hoover                         1928                   444
  10. Dwight Eisenhower                  1952                   442








US Presidents with Highest Popular Votes


  1. Barack Obama                          2008                   69.5 million
  2. George W Bush                         2004                   60
  3. Ronald Reagan                          1984                   54.5
  4. George Bush                             1988                   48.9
  5. Bill Clinton                               1996                   47.4
  6. Richard Nixon                          1972                   47.2
  7. Bill Clinton                               1992                   44.9
  8. Ronald Reagan                          1980                   43.9
  9. Lyndon Johnson                        1964                   43.1
  10. Jimmy Carter                            1976                   40.8


Oldest US Presidents (at inauguration)


  1. Ronald Reagan                                       69
  2. William Harrison                                    68
  3. James Buchanan                                     65
  4. Geirge Bush                                            64
  5. Zachary Taylor                                       64
  6. Dwight Eisenhower                                62
  7. Andrew Jackson                                     61
  8. John Adams                                            61
  9. Gerald Ford                                            61
  10. Harry Truman                                         60


Youngest US Presidents (at inauguration)


  1. Theodore Roosevelt                                42
  2. John Kennedy                                         43
  3. Bill Clinton                                             46
  4. Ulysses Grant                                         46
  5. Barack Obama                                        47
  6. Grover Cleveland                                   47
  7. Franklin Pierce                                       48
  8. James Garfield                                        49
  9. James Polk                                              49
  10. Millard Fillmore                                     50


Thirteen Prime Ministers since 1935


2006      Stephen Harper

2003      Paul Martin

1993      Jean Chretien

1993      Kim Campbell

1984      Brian Mulroney

1984      John Turner

1980      Pierre Trudeau

1979      Joe Clark

1968      Pierre Trudeau

1963      Lester Pearson

1957      John Diefenbaker

1948      Louis St Laurent

1935      William MacKenzie King






Six Chinese Premiers since 1949


2003      Wen Jiabao

1998      Zhu Rongji

1988      Li Peng

1980      Zhao Ziyang

1976      Hua Guofeng

1949      Ahou Enlai


Fourteen Indian Prime Ministers since 1949


2004      Dr Manohan Singh

1998      Atal Bihari Vajpayee

1997      Inder Kumar Gujral

1996      H D Deve Gowda

1996      Atal Bihari Vajpayee

1991      PV Narasimha Rao

1990      Chandra Shekhar

1989      Vishwanath Pratap Singh

1984      Rajiv Gandhi

1980      Indira Gandhi

1979      Charan Singh

1977      Shri Morarji Ranchodji Desai

1966      Indira Gandhi

1964      Lal Bahadur Shastri

1949      Jawharlal Nehru


Sixteen New Zealand Prime Ministers Since 1940


2008      John Key

1999      Helen Clark

1997      Jenny Shipley

1990      James Bolger

1990      Michael Moore

1989      Geoffrey Palmer

1984      David Lange

1975      Sir Robert Muldoon

1974      Wallace Rowling

1972      Norman Kirk

1972      John Marshall

1960      Sir Keith Holyoake

1957      Walter Nash

1957      Sir Keith Holyoake

1949      Sir Sidney Holland

1940      Peter Fraser
















Fifteen Israeli Prime Ministers since 1948


2009      Benjamin Netanyahu

2006      Ehud Olmert

2001      Ariel Sharon

1999      Ehud Barak

1996      Benjamin Netanyahu

1992      Yitzhak Rabin

1986      Yitzhak Shamir

1984      Shimon Peres

1983      Yitzhak Shamir

1977      Menachim Begin

1984      Yitzhak Rabin

1969      Golda Meir

1963      Levi Eshkol

1955      David Ben-Gurion

1953      Moshe Sharett

1948      David Ben-Gurion


Twenty Five Japanese Prime Ministers since 1960


2011      Yoshihiko Noda

2010      Naoto Kan

2009      Yukio Hatayama

2008      Taro Aso

2007      Yasuo Fukada

2006      Shinzo Abe

2001      Junichiro Koizumi

2000      Yoshiro Mori

1998      Keizo Obuchi

1996      Ryutaro Hashimoto

1994      Tomiichi Murayama

1994      Tsutomi Hata

1993      Morihiro Hosokawa

1991      Kiichi Miyazawa

1989      Toshiki Kaifu

1989      Sosuke Uno

1987      Noburu Takeshita

1982      Yasuhiro Nakasone

1980      Zenko Suzuki

1978      Masayoshi Ohira

1976      Takeo Fukuda

1974      Takeo Miki

1972      Kakuei Tanaka

1964      Eisaku Sato

1960      Hayato Ikeda
















Thirteen Australian Prime Ministers Since 1945


2010      Julia Gillard

2007      Kevin Rudd

1996      John Howard

1991      Paul Keating

1983      Bob Hawke

1975      Malcolm Fraser

1972      Gough Whitlam

1971      William McMahon

1968      John Gorton

1967      John McEwen

1966      Harold Holt

1949      Robert Menzies

1945      Joseph Chifly


Last Twelve US Presidents


2008      D           Barack Obama

2000      R           George W Bush

1992      D           Bill Clinton

1988      R           George Bush

1980      R           Ronald Reagan

1976      D           Jimmy Carter

1974      R           Gerald Ford

1968      R           Richard Nixon

1963      D           Lyndon Johnson

1960      D           John Kennedy

1952      R           Dwight Eisenhower

1944      D           Harry Truman


Political Parties in European Countries




Socialist Party of Austria (SPO) - Left

Austrian People’s Party (OVP) - Right

Freedom Party (FPO) - Far Right

The Greens (VGO) - Environmental




Christian Social Party (PSC) - Centre Rught

Christian People’s Party (CVP) - Centre Right

Communist Party (PCB/KPB) - Far Left

Freedom & Progress Party (PLP/PVV) - Right

Flemish Party (Vlammske Blok)

Francophone Democratic Front (FDF)

People’s Union (Volksunie)

Liberal Reform Party (PRL)

National Front (FN) - Far Right




Social Democratic Party - Centre Left

Liberal Party - Right

Radical Liberal Party - Right

Conservative People’s Party - Right

Socialist People’s Party - Left




Centre Party - Centre Right

Finnish Christian League - Far Right

Finnish People’s Democratci League (SKDL) - Left

Finnish Rural Party - Centre

Finnish Social Democratic Party (SDP) - Centre Left

National Coalition Party - Right

Swedish People’s Party - Right




Centre of Social Democrats - Centre Right

Communist Party (PCF) - Far Left

National Front (FN) - Far Right

Rassemblement pour la Republique (RPR) - Right

Socialist Party (PS) - Left

Union Pour la Democratie Francaise (UDF) - Centre




Christian Democratic Union (CDU) - Centre Right

Christian Social Union (CSU) - Right

Social Democratic Party (SPD) - Centre Left

Free Democratic Party (FDP) - Right

National Democratic Party (NPD) - Far Right

Greens - Environment

Communist Party (KPD) - Far Left

Republican Party - Far Right

Party of Democratic Socialism (PDS) - Far Left




Pan hellenic Socialist Movement (PASOK) - Left

New Democracy - Right

Communist Party - Far Left

Progessive Party - Right

Ecologist Alternative - Environment

Political Spring




Socialist Workers Party (HSWP) - Far Left

Alliance of Free Democrats (SzDSz) - Right

Indepndent Smallholders Party (FKgP) - Right

Hungarian Democratic Forum (HDF) - Centre Right

Hungarian Socialist Party (HSP) - Centre Left

Christian Democratic People’s Party - Right

Social Democratic Party - Left

League of Young Democrats (FIDESZ) - Right




Fianna Fail - Centre Right

Fine Gael - Centre Left

Labour Party - Left

Sinn Fein - Far Left

Progressive Democrats - Right

Green Party - Environment




Popular Party - Centre Right

Democratic Party of the Left- Far Left

Socialist Party (PSI) - Centre Left

Italian Social Democratic Party - Centre

Republican Party (PRI) - Left

Italian Social Movement National Right (MSI-DN) - Far Right

Forza Italia - Right

Northern League - Right




Christian Democratic Appeal (CDA) - Centre

Labor Party (PvdA) - Left

People’s Party for Freedom & Democracy (VVD) - Right

Green Left - Environment




Labor Party (DNA) - Left

Conservative Party - Right

Centre Party - Centre

Christian Democrat Party - Centre

Liberal Party - Centre




Socialist Party (PSP) - Left

Social Democratic Party (PSD) - Centre

Democratic Renewal Party

Communist Party - Far Left

Centre Democratic Party - Centre

Christian Democratic Party - Right




Socialist Workers Party (PSOE) - Left

Popular Alliance (AP) - Right

Popular Democratic Party - Centre Right

Communist Party - Far Left

Democratic & Social Centre - Centre Right

Partido Popular (PD)  - Centre Right

National Front (FN) - Far Right




Social Democratic Labour Party (SAP) - Centre Left

Communist Left Party (VPK) - Far Left

Centre Party - Centre

Liberal Party - Centre Right

Moderate Party - Right

New Democracy - Right

Green Ecology Party - Environment




Christian Democratic People’s Party - Right

Independent Alliance (LdU) - Centre

Radical Democratic Party (FDP) - Centre

Social Democratic Party - (SPS) - Centre Left

Swiss People’s Party (SVP) - Right




True Path Party - Right

Socialist Democratic Party - Left

Motherland Party - Right

National Democratic Party - Right


United Kingdom


Conservative Party - Centre Right

Labour Party - Centre Left

Liberal Democrats - Centre Left

Scottish National Party - Left

Welsh National Party - Left

Ulster Unionist Party - Right


Political Parties World-Wide




Australian Labour Party (ALP) - Left

Liberal Party (LP) - Right

National Party (NP) - Right




Liberal Party - Centre Left

Progressive Conservative Party (PC) - Centre Right

New Democratic Party - Left

Social Credit Party

Reform Party of Canada

Parti Quebecois




Indian National Congress - Centre Left

Indian Natioanl Congress - Left

Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) - Right

Communist Party (CPI) - Far Left

People’s Party (Lok Dal) - Left

People’s Party (Janata Dal) - Centre Left




Liberal Democratic Party (LDP) - Centre

Japan Socilaist Party (JSP) - Left

Democratic Socialist Party - Left

Japan Communist Party (JCP) - Far Left

Clean Government Party - Centre Left


New Zealand


Alliance - Left                               

ACT New Zealand - Right

New Labor Party - Left

National Party - Right

New Zealand First - Right

New Zealand Labour Party - Centre

New Zealand Self Government - Maori Party




Agrarian Party

Communist Party - Left

Congress of Russian Communities - Nationalist

Forward Russia! - Right

Liberal Democratic Party - Far Right

Our Home is Russia (NDR) - Right

Power - Right

Power to the People - Nationalist

Republican Party - Centre Left

Russia’s Democratic Choice - Right

Socialist Party of Russia - Left

Women of Russia - Left

Workers’ Self Management Party - Right

Yavlinksy-Boldyrev-Lukin Bloc - Centre


South Africa


African National Congress - Left

National Party - Right

Inkatha Freedom Party - Right

Communist Party - Left


United States


Republican Party - Right

Democratic Party - Centre Right

United We Stand - Centre Right






Section Five


General Politics




Tip O’Neill’s Checklist for Successful Politicians


1  It’s a round world - what goes around comes around

2  You can accomplish anything if you’re willing to let someone else take the credit

3  Never lose your idealism

4  Lead by consent not by demand

5 You can switch a position but do it quickly and openly

6 Learn to say ‘I don’t know but I will find out’

7 KISS - Keep it simple and stupid

8 Never speak of yourself in the third person

9 Tell the truth the whole time and then you don’t have to remember what you said

10 No chore is too small


Colin Powell’s Rules of Life


  1. It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning
  2. Get mad. Then get over it.
  3. Avoid having your ego so close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it.
  4. It can be done!
  5. Be careful what you choose. You may get it.
  6. Don’t let adverse facts stand in the way of a good decision.
  7. You can’t make someone else’s choices. You shouldn’t let someone else make yours.
  8. Check small things.
  9. Share credit.
  10. Remain calm. Be kind.
  11. Have a vision. Be demanding.
  12. Don’t take counsel of your fears or naysayers.
  13. Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.


Source: My American Journey by Colin Powell






















Key Dates in British Political History


2010      Britain’s first coalition government since 1945 is formed

2008      Financial crash

1997      Labour Party wins biggest landslide in modern political history

1992      Maastricht Treaty ratified

1989      House of Commons is televised for the first time

1982      Parliament votes to repatriate Canada’s constitution

1979      Margaret Thatcher becomes first woman Prime Minister

1975      Referendum on EEC Membership

1973      Britain enters EEC

1972      Secret ballots introduced in UK elections

1971      Ban on reporting of parliamentary proceedings lifted

1970      Eighteen year olds allowed to vote for the first time

1958      Women first allowed to sit in the House Lords

1929      Margaret Bonfield becomes first woman Cabinet Minister

1928      Voting age for women reduced to 21

1918      Women allowed to vote for the first time

1911      Parliament Act limits rights of House of Lords to veto legislation

1832      Great Reform Act

1829      Catholics given the right to sit in Parliament

1801      Act of Union between Britain and Ireland

1707      Act of Union between England and Scotland

1605      Gunpowder Plot fails to blow up Houses of Parliament

1265      Simon de Montfort convenes first English Parliament


Top Twenty Political “Isms”


































Top Thirty Political Acronyms


ACAS - Arbitration & Conciliation Advisory Service

CHOGM - Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting

COREPER - Committee of Permanent Representatives at the European Commission

ECOFIN - EU Council of Economics & Finance Ministers

ECOSOC - EU Economic & Social Committee

ECU - European Currency Unit

EDM - Early Day Motion

EFTA - European Free Trade Association

EMU - European Monetary Union

FCO - Foreign & Commonwealth Office

G7 - Group of Seven

GATT - General Agreement on Tariffs & Trade

GDP - Gross Domestic Product

IGC - Inter Governmental Conference

ILO - International Labour Organisation

IPPR - Institute for Public Policy Research

NATO - North Atlantic Treaty Organisation

NEC - National Executive Committee of the Labour Party

NEDC - National Economic Development Council

OPEC - Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries

PLP - Parliamentary Labour Party

PSBR - Public Sector Borrowing Requirement

QUANGO - Quasi Autonomous Non Governmental Organisation

SDI - Strategic Defense Initiative

SDLP - Social Democratic & Labour Party

SEATO - South East Asia Treaty Organisation

SHAPE - Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe

TINA - There Is No Alternative

UDA - Ulster Defence Association

UNESCO - United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation



Top Ten Post-War Best Prime Ministers We Never Had




1 R A Butler

2 Denis Healey

3 Michael Heseltine

4 John Smith

5 Dr David Owen

6 Hugh Gaitskell

7 Aneurin Bevan

8 Joe Grimond

9 Dr David Owen

10 Enoch Powell



Part Six





Top Ten Conservative Quotes


“A Conservative is a man who sits and thinks - mostly sits.”

Woodrow Wilson


“To be a Conservative is to prefer the tried to the untried, the fact to mystery, the actual to the possible, the limited to the unbounded, the near to the distant, the sufficient to the super-abundant, the convenient to the perfect present, laughter to utopian bliss.”

Michael Oakshott


“The Conservatives conserve what you’ve got, the Liberals are liberal with it and Labour gives it all away”

Ted Hunt


“Of course, nobody likes the Conservatives. They only vote for us because they think we are right.”

Peter Lilley


“In the Conservative Party we have no truck with outmoded Marxist doctrine about class warfare. For us it is not who you are, who your family is or where you come from that matters, but what you are and what you can do for your country that counts.”

Margaret Thatcher


“A liberal conservative is a man who thinks things out to progress but would rather they remained as they are”

Fitzjames Stephens


“A Conservative Government is an organised hypocrisy.”

Benjamin Disraeli


“What is conservatism? Is it not adherence to the old and tried, against the new and the untried.”

Abraham Lincoln


“There is always a certain meanness in the argument of conservatism, joined with a certain superiority in its fact.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson


“Nothings commends a radical change to an Englishman more than the belief that it is really conservative.”

H A L Fisher


Top Ten Quotes on Socialism


“An extreme Socialist is one who wants to abolish Public Schools tomorrow.  A moderate Socialist wants to abolish them after his children have finished going there.”

Norman Tebbit


“I sometimes think the Labour Party is like a pub where the mild is running out. If someone does not do something soon, all that is left will be bitter and all that is bitter will be left.”

Margaret Thatcher


“As with the Christian religion, the worst advert for socialism is its adherents.”

George Orwell


“I haven’t read Karl Marx. I got stuck on the footnote on page two.”

Harold Wilson


“Socialism is nothing but the capitalism of the lower classes.”

Oswald Spengler


“As far as socialism means anything, it must be about the wider distribution of smoked salmon and caviar.”

Richard Marsh


“The term ‘democratic socialist’ makes as much sense as ‘pregnant virginity’.”

Russell Prowse, Australian Industrialist


“Democracy and socialism are means to an end, not the end itself.”

Jawaharlal Nehru


“The typical Socialist is...a prim little man with a white collar job, usually a secret teetotaller and often with vegetarian leanings, with a history of Nonconformity behind him, and, above all, with a social position which he has no intention of forfeitting.”

George Orwell


“Socialism is nothing but the capitalism of the working class”

Oswald Sprengler



Top Ten Liberal Quotes


“We all know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.”

Aneurin Bevan


“The trouble with many Liberals is that they talk a lot of cock.”

Cyril Smith, Former Liberal MP


“Liberal - worshipper of power without power.”

George Orwell


“If God had been a Liberal there would not have been ten commandments, there would have been ten suggestions.”

Malcolm Bradbury, Author


“The closest thing to a Tory in disguise is a Whig in power.”

Benjamin Disraeli


“A Liberal is a man who leaves a room before the fight begins.”

Heywood Broun


“A Liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.”

Robert Frost


“I have the good fortune to be the first Liberal leader for half a century who is able to say at the end of our general assembly: go back to your constituencies and prepare for government.”

David Steel in 1981


“A Radical is a man with both feet firmly planted - in the air. A Conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. A Reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards. A Liberal is a man who uses his legs and his hands at the behest - at the command of his head.”

Franklin D Roosevelt


“Testators would do well to provide some indication of the particular Liberal Party which they have in mind, such as a telephone number or a Christian name.”

A P Herbert




Top Ten Quotes on Political Power


“Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct”

Thomas Jefferson


“I have no ambition to govern men. It is a painful and thankless office.”

Thomas Jefferson


“Anyone who deliberately tries to get himself elected to a public office is permanently disqualified from holding one.”

Thomas More


“Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun.”

Mao Tse Tung


“Unlimited power is apt to corrupt the minds of those who possess it; and this I know, my Lords, that where law ends, tyranny begins.”

William Pitt


“The depository of power is always unpopular.”

Benjamin Disraeli


“Power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

Adlai Stevenson


“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character give him power.”

Abraham Lincoln


“I have an enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. And I’m doing it. I am a famous person. I represent real power.”

Newt Gingrich


“Being in power is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

Margaret Thatcher


“Political power, properly so called, is merely the organised power of one class for oppressing another.”

Karl Marx


Top Ten Quotes on the Commons & Lords


“The Commons must bray like asses every day to appease their electoral hordes.”

A P Herbert


“If only the House of Commons had emulated the Lords’ admirable inactivity, we should have been saved from a great many foolish acts.”

Lambert Jeffries


“But then the prospect of a lot of dull MPs in close proximity, all thinking for themselves, is what no man can face with equanimity.”

W S Gilbert


“The cure for admiring the House of Lords is to go and look at it.”

Walter Bagehot


“I don’t go to the House of Lords anymore. I went once but my umbrella was stolen by a Bishop.”

Lord Berners


“The British House of lords is the British Outer Mongolia for retired politicians.”

Tony Benn


“The House of Commons is absolute. It is the State. L’Etat c’est moi.”

Benjamin Disraeli (Coningsby, 1844)


“There is no more striking illustration of the immobility of British institutions than the House of Commons.”

Herbert Asquith


“The House of Lords, an illusion to which I have never been able to subscribe - responsibility without power, the prerogative of the eunuch throughout the ages.”

Tom Stoppard


“The House of Lords is a perfect eventide home.”

Baroness Stocks


Top Ten Quotes on Democracy


“Those who would enjoy the pleasures of democracy, said the doctor, must school themselves to suffer the law’s delay”

Ivor Brown


“Democracy means Government by discussion, but it is only effective if you can stop people talking.”

Clement Attlee


“Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who will get the blame.”

Bertrand Russell


“A People’s Republic is a place where you do what you are told or get shot. National Liberation Movements are organisations that are trying to create People’s Republics.”

Thomas Sowell


“A democracy is a government in the hands of low birth, no property and vulgar employments.”



“The disadvantage of free elections is that you can never be sure who is going to win them.”



“The world is weary of statesmen whom democracy has degraded into politicians.”

Benjamin Disraeli


“Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people.”

Oscar Wilde


“Without democracy Socialism would be worth nothing, but democracy is worth a great deal even when it is not Socialist.”

A J P Taylor


“Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to prove that the other party is unfit to rule - and both commonly succeed, and they are right.

H L Mencken


Top Ten Quotes on Economics


“There are two problems in my life. The political ones are insoluble and the economic ones are incomprehensible.”

Alec Douglas Home


“Private greed is making money selling people what they want. Public service is failing to sell them what they don’t want.”

Thomas Sowell


“One man’s wage increase is another man’s price increase.”

Harold Wilson


“It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job. It’s a depression when you lose your own.”

Harry Truman

“Good news is, a bus full of supply-siders went over the cliff. Bad news is, there were three empty seats.”

Bob Dole


“Compassion is the use of tax money to buy votes.  Insensitivity is the objection to the use of tax money to buy votes.”

Thomas Sowell


“Balancing your budget is like protecting your virtue - you have to learn when to say no.”

Ronald Reagan


“Balancing the budget is like going to heaven. Everybody wants to do it but nobody wants to make the trip.”

Phil Gramm


“Politically there is no record of the continuance of political freedoms when economic freedoms have died.”

Rhodes Boyson


“Economics are the method; the object is to change the soul.”

Margaret Thatcher


Top Ten Quotes by Sir Humphrey Appleby


“Reorganising the civil service is like drawing a knife through a bowl of marbles.”


“Government is  about principles. And the principle is, never act on principle.”


“Central Government must not interfere with the right of freely elected local councils to pour ratepayers money down the drain.”


“A good political speech is not one in which you can prove that the man is telling the truth; it is one where no one else can tell he is lying.”


“If the Prime Minister is told something personally, even if he doesn’t know it officially, he can use his personal knowledge to start official inquiries to get official confirmation of personal suspicions so that what he originally knew personally but not officially he will then know officially as well as personally.”


“Turning a blind eye to corruption could never be government policy. It is merely government practice.”


“Any statement in a politician’s memoirs can represent one of six levels of reality - what happened, what he believed happened, what he would have like to have happened, what he wants to believe happened, what he wants other people to believe happened, what he wants other people to believe he believe happened.”


“Stalling Ministers: the 5 stage approach. 1 - The administration is in its early months and there’s an awful lot to do at once.. 2 - Something ought to be done but is this the right way to achieve it? 3 - The idea is good but the time is not ripe. 4 - The proposal has run into technical, logistical and legal difficulties which are being sorted out. 5 - Never refer to the matter or reply to the Minister’s notes. By the time he taxes you with it face to face you should be able to say it looks unlikely if anything can be done until after the election.”


“Irregular verb: I have an independent mind, you are an eccentric, he is round the twist.”


“Being an MP is a vast subsidised ego-trip. It’s a job that needs no qualifications, it has no compulsory hours of work, no performance standards and provides a warm room, a telephone and subsidised meals to a bunch of self-important windbags and busybodies who suddenly find themselves being taken seriously because they’ve got the letters ‘MP’ after their name.”



Top Ten Political Insults


“When they circumcised Herbert Samuel they threw away the wrong bit.”

David Lloyd George, Prime Minister 1916-21


“The Liberals are a beanbag kind of a party that looks like the last person who sat in it.”

Bob Rae, former Premier of Ontario


“Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

Mark Twain, author


“The Right Honourable Gentleman’s smile is like the fittings on a coffin.”

Benjamin Disraeli to Sir Robert Peel


“My views of him (Newt Gingrich) are somewhat similar to those of a fire hydrant toward a dog.”

Jim Wright, former Speaker of the US House of Representatives


“Mr Benn is a kind of perennial youth who immatures with age.”

Harold Wilson


“In any civilised country Heath would have been left hanging upside down from a petrol pump years ago.”

Auberon Waugh


“Jerry’s the only man I ever knew who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.”

Lyndon Johnson


“I wouldn’t piss down Jerry Brown’s throat if his heart was on fire.”

James Carville, Adviser to Bill Clinton


“Arthur Scargill possesses the remarkable ability to blush when telling the truth.”

David Hunt OBE MP, Former Cabinet Minister


Top Ten Memorable One Liners from Margaret Thatcher


“It will be years, and not in my timer, before a woman will lead the Party or become Prime Minister.”



“No! No! No!”

Opposing proposals put forward by Jacques Delors, 1990


Just rejoice, rejoice!

To reporters after the recapture of South Georgia


For those waiting with baited breath for that media catch phrase the U turn I just have one thing to say. The lady’s not for turning.”

At the 1981 Conservative Party Conference


Every Prime Minister needs a Willie


“Being in power is like being a lady - if you have to tell people you are, you aren’t”

Margaret Thatcher


“Ladies and Gentlemen, I stand before you tonight in my green chiffon evening gown, my face softly made up, my hair softly waved….The Iron Lady of the Western World?  Me?  A cold warrior? Well, yes - if that is how they wish to interpret my defence of the values and freedom fundamental to our way of life.”

Referring to the Soviet magazine Red Star which was the first to call her the Iron Lady.


“Where there is discord may we bring harmony.”

Quoting St Francis of Assisi, May 1979


“We have become a Grandmother.”


“I fight on, I fight to win.”



Top Ten Quotes on the Art of Politics


“Politics is show business for ugly people.”

Paul Begala, Adviser to Bill Clinton


“The art of politics is learning to walk with your back to the wall, your elbows high and a smile on your face.”

Jean Chretien, Canadian prime Minister


“Sex is like politics. You don’t have to be good at it to enjoy it.”

Barrie Goldwater, Former US Senator


“Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.”

J K Galbraith


“Politics is just like show business. You have a hell of an opening, you coast for a while, you have a hell of a closing.”

Ronald Reagan


“A politician is an animal who can sit on the fence and keep both ears to the ground.”

H L Mencken


“A politician is a person with whose politics you do not agree. If you agree with him he is a Statesman.”

David Lloyd George


“If you see a snake, kill it. Don’t appoint a committee on snakes.”

Ross Perot


“As a politician never believes what he says, he is surprised when others believe him.”

Charles de Gaulle


“There is no act of treachery or meanness of which a political party is not capable, for in politics there is no honour.”

Benjamin Disraeli


Top Ten Bushisms


President Bush was renowned for his difficulties with the English language...


“You cannot be President of the United States if you don’t have faith. Remember Lincoln, going to his knees in times of trial and the civil war and all that stuff. You can’t be. And we are blessed. So don’t feel sorry for - don’t cry for me Argentina.”

Stressing the importance of praying to New Hampshire voters


“It has been said by some cynic, maybe it was a former President, ‘if you want a friend in Washington get a dog’. We took them literally - that advice - as you know. But I didn’t need that because I have Barbara.”


“I’ve got to run now and relax. The doctor told me to relax. The doctor told me to relax. The doctor told me. He was the one. He said ‘relax’”.

At the end of a press conference


“When I need a little free advice about Saddam Hussein I turn to country music.”

At an awards ceremony in Nashville


“I don’t want to get, you know, here we are close to the election - sounding a knell of overconfidence that I don’t feel.”

In an interview with Sir David Frost


“Boy they were big crematoriums weren’t they?”

During a visit to Auschwitz


“I’ve got to be careful I don’t overcheerlead on this economy.”


“There’s no difference between me and the President on taxes. No more nit-picking. Zip-ah-dee-doo-dah. Now it’s off to the races!”


“The Democrats want to ram it down my ear in a political victory.”


“I put confidence in the American people, in their ability to sort through what is fair and what is unfair, what is ugly and unugly.”


Top Ten Quotes from President Reagan


“Please tell me you’re Republicans.”

To surgeons as he entered the operating room, March 30 1981


“We will always remember. We will always be proud. We will always be prepared, so we may always be free.”

Normandy, June 6 1984


“We will never forget them, nor the last time we saw them - this morning, as they prepared for their journey, and waved goodbye and slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God.”

Speech about the Challenger disaster, January 28 1986


“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidise it.”

August 15 1986


“The other day, someone told me the difference between a democracy and a people’s democracy. It’s the same difference between a jacket and a strait-jacket.”

December 10 1986


“How do you tell a Communist?  Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an Anti-Communist? It’s someone who understands Marx and Lenin.”

September 25 1987


“Mr Gorbachev, open this gate. Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall.”

Berlin, 1987


“A friend of mine was asked to a costume ball a short time ago. He slapped some egg on his face and went as a liberal economist.”

February 11 1987


“History teaches that wars begin when governments believe the price of aggression is cheap.”

January 16 1984


“Welfare’s purpose should be to eliminate, as far as possible, the need for its own existence.”

January 7 1970



Top Ten Politician’s Comments on The Spice Girls


“I think I’ve heard of them very vaguely…They’re not lesbians are they?”

George Walden MP


“Of course I know the Spice Girls.  There’s posters all over London.  But I’m not led to make serious speculation about Spice Girl meanings.”

Peter Lilley MP


“Perhaps the Spice Girls are the last vestige of Eighties self interest and self gratification.”

Michael Connarty MP


“I have teenage children and I know one Spice Girls song which is rather good. It goes ‘If you want to get my something or other, then you better get it together baby’…I sing all these pop songs about the house and then my daughter will tell me that the words have got all these dreadful hidden meanings.”

Gary Streeter MP


“I saw them briefly the other day on Des O’Connor.  They were a bit giggly and I turned it over. My taste is Meat Loaf.”

Kevin Barron


“Oh, they’re straight from the shoulder and refreshing. I would call them the Spicer Girls. Bare midriffs. I’d love to have these girls canvassing with me. Do I get my wrists slapped if I call them girls?  Of course, Margaret Thatcher was the first.”

Sir James Spicer MP


“Like Margaret Thatcher they are here today gone tomorrow entertainers.”

Simon Hughes MP


“Whether they’re a reflection of their contemporaries is hard to see.  They sound pretty vacuous women to me.”

Kim Howells MP


“I’m not up to date on the pop chart.  I’m just a bit concerned they’re not the group I condemned for doing all sorts of nasty lesbian things on stage.”

Female Tory MP


“I’ve been a secret Spice Girls fan for a long time.”

Michael Portillo MP


(coutesy of  John Hind, Observer, 15 December 1996)



Top Ten Quotes on Political Leadership


“You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that’s assault, not leadership”

Dwight Eisenhower


“The boss says ‘go’. The leader says ‘let’s go’.

Dwight Eisenhower


“Leadership means not having to be completely in harmony with everyone else.”

Winston Churchill


“I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.”

Ralph Nader, US political activist


“I must follow them. I am their leader.”

Andrew Bonar Law, Prime Minister 1921


“A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but where they ought to be.”

Rosalynn Carter, US First Lady, 1977-81


“A leader must be able to concentrate under difficult conditions, to keep his head when all around him are losing theirs.”

Ross Perot


“A leader is a dealer in hope.”

Napoleon Bonaparte


“Use power to help people. For we are given power not to advance our own purposes not to make a great show in the world, nor a name. There is but one just use of power and it is to serve the people.”

George Bush


Top Ten Memorable One Liners from Norman Tebbit


Third Best. It’s called ‘going for bronze’ I believe

On the Alliance’s Going For Gold slogan in the 1987 election


“He likes to pose as Margaret Thatcher in drag to pick up Tory votes.”

On David Owen


“Those who stand outside the town hall an scream and throw rotten eggs are not the real unemployed. If they were really hard up they would be eating them.”


“Why don’t you go and have another heart attack.”

To Labour MP Tom Litterick


“I use the word ‘neuter’ when I talk about what I am doing to the trade unions because I’ve been told I mustn’t use the vernacular.”


“Take a sedative”

To Denis Healey


“As usual you have spent more time with your mouth open rather than your ears.”

To Dennis Skinner


“I’m older than you are sonny and you can take me on when you grow up.”

To Neil Kinnock


“I grew up in the Thirties with our unemployed Father.  He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work.”

Speech at Tory Party Conference, 15 October 1981


“The cricket test - which side do they cheer for?  Are you still looking back to where you came from or where you are?”

On the loyalties of British immigrants


Top Ten Conservative-Conservative Insults


“Mr Chamberlain who looked and spoke like a cheese-monger.”

Benjamin Disraeli on Joseph Chamberlain


“She has done as much for our party as King Herod did for baby sitting.”

Andrew Mackay MP on Edwina Currie


“Margaret Thatcher and Ted Heath both have a great vision.  The difference is that Margaret Thatcher has a vision that Britain will, one day be great again, and Ted Heath has a vision that one day Ted Heath will be great again.”

Tory MP Robert Jones


“He is forever poised between a cliché and an indiscretion.”

Harold Macmillan on Sir Anthony Eden


“Receiving support from Ted Heath in a by-election is like being measured by an undertaker.”

George Gardiner


“Reminds me of the expression my mother used: ‘empty vessels make the most noise.”

Anne Winterton on Edwina Currie


“He has the lucidity which is the by-product of a fundamentally sterile mind.”

Aneurin Bevan on Neville Chamberlain


“I wouldn’t say she was open-minded on the Middle East, so much as empty headed.  She probably thinks Sinai is the plural of sinus.”

Jonathan Aitken on Margaret Thatcher


“She has done as much for our Party as King Herod did for baby sitting.”

Andrew MacKay on Edwina Currie


“Decided only to be undecided, resolved to be resolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent.”

Winston Churchill on Stanley Baldwin


Top Ten Labour-Conservative Insults


“A bounder, a liar, a deceiver, a cheat, a crook”.

Tam Dalyell on Margaret Thatcher after the sinking of the Belgrano


“A semi house trained polecat”

Michael Foot on Norman Tebbit


“Like a boil on a verruca.”

Neil Kinnock on Norman Tebbit


“The Prime Minister tells us she has given the French President a piece of her mind - not a gift I would receive with alacrity.”

Denis Healey on Margaret Thatcher


“They are nothing else but a load of kippers - two faced with no guts.”

Eric Heffer


“ Meeting David Mellor is like being hit in the face with a mouthful of Brylcream.”

John Edmonds on David Mellor


“Putting Norman Tebbit in charge of industrial relations is like appointing Dracula to take charge of blood transfusions.”

Eric Varley on Norman Tebbit


“Fifty per cent genius - fifty per cent bloody fool.”

Clement Attlee on Winston Churchill


“They are nothing else but a load of kippers - two faced, with no guts”

Eric Heffer describing Conservatives


“He is undoubtedly living proof that a pig’s bladder on a stick can be elected as a Member of Parliament.”

Tony Banks on Terry Dicks


Top Ten Conservative-Labour Insults


“The self appointed king of the gutter.”

Michael Heseltine on Neil Kinnock


“He is a sheep in sheep’s clothing”

Winston Churchill on Clement Attlee


“As far as the fourteenth Earl is concerned, I suppose that Mr Wilson, when you come to think of it, is the fourteenth Mr Wilson.”

Sir Alec Douglas Home in 1963


“The Honourable Member for two tube stations.”

Sir Nicholas Fairbairn on Frank Dobson (MP for Holborn & St Pancras)


“A tardy little marionette.”

Randolph Churchill on Clement Attlee


“The voters are not daft. They can smell a rat whether it is wrapped up in a red flag or covered in roses.”

Norman Tebbit


“The inherent virtue of Socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.”

Winston Churchill


“Far better to keep your mouth shut and let every one think you’re stupid than to open it and leave no doubt.”

Norman Tebbit on Dennis Skinner


“The boneless wonder.”

Winston Churchill on Ramsay MacDonald


“Neil Kinnock’s speeches go on for so long because he has nothing to say, so he has no way of knowing when he has finished saying it.”

John Major on Neil Kinnock


Top Ten Labour-Labour Insults


“A guide to Bennite Britain - not so much a labour of love as a premature ejaculation.”

Austen Mitchell on Labour’s 1983 election manifesto


“He’s just a little man who’s been stupid.”

George Brown on Harold Wilson after his 1976 resignation


He just cannot be allowed to go on rushing round like a demented Santa Claus, scattering imaginary tenners from his sleigh.”

Neil Kinnock on Michael Meacher


“A kind of ageing, perennial tough who immatures with age.”

Harold Wilson on Tony Benn


“As Moses he would have mistimed his arrival at the parting of the waters.”

Austin Mitchell on Jim Callaghan


“He seems determined to make a trumpet sound like a tin whistle. He brings to the fierce struggle of politics the tepid enthusiasm of a lazy summer afternoon at a cricket match.”

Aneurin Bevan on Clement Attlee


“He is quite stoically bland. The sheer blandness is so totally inherent that it is quite difficult to embarrass him. “

Brian Sedgemore on Tony Blair


“Nye’s little dog.”

Hugh Dalton on Harold Wilson


“A desiccating calculating machine.”

Aneurin Bevan on Hugh Gaitskell


“Sit down man, you’re a bloody tragedy.”

James Maxton to Ramsay MacDonald


Top Ten Things Politicians Said & Wished They Hadn’t


“No woman in my time will be Prime Minister or Foreign Secretary - not the top jobs. Anyway I wouldn’t want to be Prime Minister. You have to give yourself one hundred per cent to the job.”

Margaret Thatcher


“Solidarity is undermining the Socialist State of Poland.”

Arthur Scargill


“One feels that Uganda cannot afford General Amin’s warm hearted generosity.”

The Times


“I have the thermometer in my mouth and I am listening to it all the time.”

William Whitelaw


“Most of the egg production in this country sadly is now infected with salmonella.”

Edwina Currie, 1988


“There is no Soviet domination of Eastern Europe, and there never will be under a Ford administration.”

President Ford, 1976


“We’ll negotiate a withdrawal from the EEC which has drained our natural resources and destroyed jobs.”

Tony Blair, 1983


“Je ne regrette rien.”

Norman Lamont


“Go back to your constituencies and prepare for government.”

David Steel


“Read my lips, no new taxes.”

President Bush, 1988










Part Seven


Sex, Money & Scandal


Ten Politicians Women Find Most Attractive


  1. Peter Mandelson
  2. Paddy Ashdown
  3. Tony Blair
  4. Michael Portillo
  5. Stephen Dorrell
  6. Gordon Brown
  7. John Redwood
  8. Michael Heseltine
  9. John Major
  10. Ken Livingstone


(Source NOP, November 1996)


Ten Politicians Women Find Most Unattractive


  1. David Mellor
  2. John Prescott

3.  John Major

  1. Ken Livingstone
  2. Michael Heseltine
  3. Dennis Skinner
  4. David Blunkett
  5. Kenneth Clarke
  6. Michael Howard
  7. Jack Straw


(Source NOP, November 1996)


Ten Politicians Forum Magazine Readers Find Sexy


  1. Tony Blair (25% males, 35% females)
  2. Virginia Bottomley (35% males, 15% females)
  3. Harriet Harman (30% males, 20% females)
  4. Michael Portillo (30% males, 20% females)
  5. Clare Short (15% males, 15% females)
  6. Paddy Ashdown (8% males, 13% males)
  7. Diane Abbott (10% males, 10% females)
  8. Betty Boothroyd (10% males, 10% females)
  9. John Major (5% males, 15 % females)
  10. Gordon Brown (10% males, 10% females)


(Source: Forum Magazine, 1994)










Ten Politicians Forum Magazine Readers Find a Turn-Off


  1. Margaret Beckett (45% males, 50% females)
  2. Robin Cook (35% males, 30% females)
  3. Ken Clarke (15% males, 40% females)
  4. Virginia Bottomley (25% males, 25% females)
  5. John Major (30% males, 15% females)
  6. Clare Short (20% males, 25% females)
  7. Sir Norman Fowler (15% males, 5% females)
  8. Douglas Hurd (5% males, 10% females)


(Source: Forum Magazine 1994)




Thirteen Politicians Involved in Gay Scandals


Lord Harcourt                                              Liberal Peer who committed suicide in 1922

Earl Beauchamp                                           Fled abroad in 1931

Lord Farquhar                                              Involved in homosexual scandal

William Field                                               Caught in public lavatories

Ian Harvey                                                    Accused on importuning a guardsman in St James Park

Jeremy Thorpe                                             Accused of gay affair with male model Norman Scott

Dr Keith Hampson                                       Found not guilty of indecently assaulting policeman

Allan Roberts                                               Accused of sex offences with teenage youths

Harvey Proctor                                             Fined £1,450 for spanking rent boys

Alan Amos                                                   Arrested but not charged with indecency

Michael Brown                                            Only came out after tabloids exposed affair with youth

Jerry Hayes                                                  Research Assistant sold story of alleged gay affair

Ron Davies                                                  Resigned after alleged cruise on Clapham Common

Clive Betts                                                   Scandal involving gay Brazilian researcher

David Laws                                                  Resigned after expense scandal involving paying rent to partner


Top Ten Signs You’re in Love With a Politician




1 When you see him on TV you start licking the screen

2 You call the Parliamentary Channel requesting a tape of his greatest speeches

3 Your name is Sara Keays

4 You write to the Queen suggesting his birthday is declared a national holiday

5 You just luuuurve those double chins

6 You’re turned on by the sight of his despatch box

7 You buy up remaindered copies of his memoirs so his feelings won’t be hurt

8 You tell all your friends that his wife just doesn’t understand him

9 You spend all your holidays in his constituency

10 You’d give him your last rolo


Top Ten David Mellor Campaign Slogans




1 I promise I’ll keep my pants on

2 No worse than Paddy Ashdown

3 Four fewer than Steve Norris

4 Because everyone deserves another chance

5 Come up and see my CD collection

6 All aboard the 606

7 He won’t take the Chelsea shirt off your back

8 I’m only in it for the babes

9 David Mellor - any time, any place anywhere

10 Paaaarty!


Politician’s Chat Up Lines




1 Would you like to see the contents of my despatch box?

2 Have you ever had a whip?

3 Hello, I’m David Mellor

4 I’ve asked Angie to join us, you don’t mind do you?

5 I’ve asked Bobby to join us, you don’t mind do you?

6 I’m so depressed about the world crisis I really don’t think I should spend tonight alone

7 In your honour I’m naming 1997 the International Year of the Babe

8 Hi there. My name’s, er, Martin

9 Ever done it in the lobby?

10 You know what they say about Black Rod?


Conservative Political Turn Ons




1 Matron

2 St Trinians films

3 Mrs Thatcher

4 Edwina Currie’s legs

5 Dame Janet Fookes

6 Joanna Lumley

7 Euroboys

8 William Hague’s bald patch

9 Alan Duncan’s winsome smile

10 Cecil Parkinson’s leer


Old Labour Political Turn Ons




1 Tony Benn

2 Mushy peas

3 Whippets

4 Flat caps

5 Miners

6 Sheffield

7 Dennis Skinner’s eyes

8 Glorious election defeats

9 Alma Sedgwick

10 Marx’s Das Kapital


New Labour Political Turn Ons




1 Tony Blair

2 Avocado dip

3 The chairs at Pont de la Tour

4 The grass on Hampstead Heath

5 John Prescott’s love handles

6 Harriet Harman’s hemline

7 Stephen Twigg’s mane

8 Peter Mandelson’s moustache

9 Tessa Jowell’s pout

10 Dawn Primarolo’s school mistress act


Top Twenty Visually Challenged Politicians

(and we don’t mean they need glasses)




1 David Mellor

2 John Bowis

3 Douglas Hogg

4 Robin Cook

5 Ann Widdecombe

6 Donald Anderson

7 Sir Patrick Cormack

8 Norman Baker

9 Jackie Ballard

10 Margaret Beckett

11 Andrew Bennett

12 Clive Betts

13 Malcolm Chisholm

14 Charles Clarke

15 Gwynneth Dunwoody

16 George Howarth

17 Ian McCartney

18 Peter Pike

19 Brian Iddon

20 John Gummer


Top Twenty Most Good Looking Male Politicians




1 Michael Portillo

2 Cecil Parkinson

3 Stephen Twigg

4 Steve Norris

5 John Bercow

6 Tony Blair

7 Michael Moore

8 Nicholas St Aubyn

9 Ben Bradshaw

10 Alistair Darling

11 David Davis

12 Alan Duncan

13 Liam Fox

14 Andrew George

15 Bernard Jenkin

16 Christopher Leslie

17 Andrew MacKay

18 Michael Meacher

19 Michael Foster

20 Shaun Woodward








Top Twenty Most Good Looking Female Politicians




1 Oona King

2 Virginia Bottomley

3 Siobhain McDonagh

4 Anne McIntosh

5 Julie Kirkbride

6 Tessa Jowell

7 Harriet Harman

8 Caroline Flint

9 Dawn Primarolo

10 Charlotte Atkins

11 Judith Church

12 Yvette Cooper

13 Elizabeth Blackman

14 Jean Corston

15 Angela Browning

16 Joan Ruddock

17 Claire Ward

18 Angela Eagle

19 Maria Eagle

20 Karen Buck


Top Ten Politicians Gays Find Attractive




1 Michael Portillo

2 Peter Lilley

3 Margaret Thatcher

4 John Redwood

5 Stephen Twigg

6 Ben Bradshaw

7 Matthew Taylor

8 Sebastian Coe

9 Claire Short

10 Peter Mandelson




Part Eight


More Unofficial Lists



Ten Fictional Works Featuring Margaret Thatcher


1 God and all his Angels (novel by Graham Lord)

2 Titmuss Regained (novel by John Mortimer)

3 First Among Equals (novel by Jeffrey Archer)

4 New Statesman (Yorkshire TV)

5 The Negotiator (novel by Frederick Forsyth)

6 Operation 10 (novel by Hardiman Scott)

7 Anyone for Denis (West End Comedy)

8 XPD (novel by Len Deighton)

9 Electric Beach (novel by Laurence Rees)

10 The child in time (novel by Ian McEwan)


MPs’ Eight Most Over-Rated Authors


1 Jeffrey Archer

2 Salman Rushdie

3 Henry James

4 Martin Amis

5 D H Lawrence

6 Karl Marx

7 Enid Blyton

8 Iris Murdoch


(Dillons survey, 1996)


MPs’ Four Greatest Political Books Ever


1 The Prince - Machiavelli

2 Ragged Trousered Philanthropists - Robert Tressell

3 On Liberty - J S Mill

4 Diaries - Alan Clark


(Dillons survey,  1996)


MPs’ Favourite Ever Books


1            The Bible

2            Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen

3            Lord of the Rings - Tolkein

4            The Iliad - Homer

5            Germinal - Emile Zola

6            Modern Times - Paul Johnson


(Dillons survey 1996)









MPs’ Favourite ever authors


1            Alexander Solzhenitzyn

2            Martin Amis

3            Doris Lessing

4            Colin Thubron

5            Gore Vidal

6            David Lodge


(Dillons survey 1996)


Ten Author Politicians


1 Rupert Allason - author of various worthy tomes on spies an counter intelligence under the pen name Nigel West.  Elected for Torbay in 1992 but lost by only twelve votes in 1997


2 Jeffrey Archer - The author ‘daddy of them all.  Jeffrey Archer was MP for Louth from 1969-74 and in the mid 1980s was appointed Deputy Chairman of the Conservative.  Has written a dozen novels many containing a political plot.  


3 Gyles Brandreth - More famous for his jumpers on the late, lamented TVam the former MP for Chester has penned a couple of novels as well as a rather early autobiography.  None of them troubled the Top Ten Bestsellers lists


4 Vaclav Havel - President of the Czech Republic and all round good egg Mr Havel’s superb plays have now almost been forgotten as his political career has eclipsed his writing.


5 Douglas Hurd - Co-authored several excellent works of fiction in the early 1970s with Andrew Osmond.  Rumoured to be working on a new one at the moment.


6 Edwina Currie - Bonkbusteress extraordinaire her tails of kinky sex in the Commons were secretly ready by most MPs but only a few would ever admit to it.


7 Tim Renton - Author of two books with a political plot.  Now in competition with his wife who has also penned a new book.


8 Benjamin Disraeli - Even more famous than Jeffrey Archer in his day.  If Disraeli ever wanted to read a book, he wrote it.


9 Michael Dobbs - Formerly Norman Tebbit’s chief of staff at Conservative Central Office Dobbs shot to fame for his trilogy featuring the outwardly urbane yet cunningly clever Chief Whip Francis Urquhart,


10 Newt Gingrich - US Speaker of the House of Representatives who also wrote a novel called ‘1945’.  Truly awful.


Top Ten Ways of Spotting a Bleeding Heart Liberal


1  You go pink with rage at the thought of paedophiles being executed, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice


2  You believe animals can think, trees have feelings and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm


3  You don’t believe in marriage, except for homosexuals


4  You are quite happy to legalise drugs and outlaw handguns


5  You are permanently ‘worried’ about things and you use the word ‘community’ a lot


6  You don’t think Gerry Adams is all bad


7  You think the rehabilitation of criminals is more important than punishing them


8  You think that whatever their level, taxes should be increased


9  Gordon Brown’s neoindogenous growth theory turns you on


10  You don’t understand people who are against positive discrimination and are more than happy to sacrifice someone else’s job to assuage your own guilt


Ten Things You Always Wanted to Know about The Economist


  1. Economists rarely read it
  2. It’s got two lovely staples
  3. It looks good on your coffee table
  4. Comes with a very elegant binder
  5. Easy to throw away
  6. Has a number at the top of each page
  7. Its predictions are rarely worth taking much notice of
  8. Has a nice picture and witty slogan on the cover
  9. Tries desperately to compete with Time but can’t
  10. It’s not American, though you could be forgiven for wondering


Craig Brown’s Top Ten Most Unlikely Political Headlines



1 Exclusive: Norman Fowler - No Second Volume of Memoirs


2 Two Sides to Every Question Argues Paisley


3 Malcolm Rifkind Makes Interesting Point


4 Thatcher’s Shock Admission: I am No Longer Prime Minister


5 I May Be Some Time - Antarctic Survivors Find Edwina Currie Note


6 Saddam Admits Moustache “Big Mistake” - Agrees to Shave


7 Tory MP in Two in a Bed Love Romp with Own Wife


8 More Money than Sense - St John of Fawsley Slams Royal Family


9 Sir Edward Heath Wakes Early to Bag Poolside Lounger before Germans


10 Lord Owen Goes it Alone Then Splits with Self


Top Ten Ways Politicians Avoid Answering the Question


1 Ignoring the question

2 Acknowledging the question without answering

3 Questioning the question

4 Attacking the question

5 Attacking the interviewer

6 Declining to answer

7 Giving an incomplete answer

8 Repeating the previous answer

9 Claiming to have already answered the question

10 Making a political point




Top Ten Ways Margaret Thatcher Stalled Interviewers


1 No, please let me go on

2 May I just finish

3 One moment

4 I must beg of you

5 Will you give me time

6 May I now and then say a word in my own defence

7 I would love to go on

8 Please, there’s just another thing

9 No, don’t stop me

10 No, let me stand up for my government


(Source, Dr Peter Bull & Kate Meyer: How Margaret Thatcher & Neil Kinnock Avoid Answering Questions in Political Interviews, 1988)


Margaret Thatcher’s Desert Island Discs


Emperor Piano Concerto by Beethoven

Going home from Dvorak’s New World Symphony

Excerpts from Verdi’s Aida

Nutty Walt, a Bob Newhardt Comedy Sketch

Smoke gets in your eyes by Irene Dunn

Elijah by Felix Mendelssohn

Andante for Trumpet by Saint Preux

Easter Hymn Cavalleria Risticana by Mascagni


Neil Kinnock’s Desert Island Discs


Byrn Calfaria

Di quella Pira from Verdi’s opera Il Trovatore

Serenade from Bizet’s opera, The Fair Maid of Perth

Symphony Number 1 by Brahms

Wake up little Susie by Simon & Garfunkel

Imagine by John Lennon

Yada Yada by Dory Previn

Horace the Horse sung by his two year old daughter Rachel


Tony Blair’s Desert Island Discs


Cancel Today by Ezio

Wishing Well by Free

Fourth of July, Asbury Park by Bruce Springsteen

Love theme from Elephant Man

Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber

Clair de Lune by Debussy

In my Life by the Beatles

Cross Road Blues by Robert Johnson


Ten Questions Not to Ask…


John Major:  How many O Levels have you got?

Paddy Ashdown: How come we can’t see your eyes?

Tony Blair: Where do you get your  teeth polished?

Cherie Booth: How much has playing the dutiful wife cost you in lost fees?

John Prescott: I suppose a gin and tonic is out of the question?

Margaret Thatcher: Did John Major really have a problem with his wisdom teeth?

Jack Cunningham: What do you do all day?

Cecil Parkinson: So, do you think the Child Support Agency has been a success?

Gordon Brown: So what’s the story with your chin?

Nicholas Soames: So what’s the story with your chins?


Top Ten Political Medical Complaints


Sadomasochism: The condition in which you switch over to ITN’s News at Ten even though you have watched the BBC’ specially extended Nine O’Clock News. If you then switch to BBC 2’s Newsnight you should consult a specialist.


Alexia: Word blindness, or Tony Blair’s inability to pronounce certain words - specifically “socialism”.


Halitosis: Insulting odour emitted when a manifesto promise emerging from a politician’s mouth is so implausible that it stinks.


Premeditation: Disease that erupts around the dinner table when everyone suddenly; becomes convinced they know the outcome of the election.


Irritable colon: Pain in the backside, such as Jack Straw in his sanctimonious moods.


Compulsive Talking: Starts with grimaces and progresses to involuntary comments as the affliction often worsens, often culminating in episodes of coprolalia (using foul language) while watching Election Call on TV especially when Gordon Brown or Michael Howard are in the hot seat.


Scotoma: An area of abnormal vision, suffered by Paddy Ashdown and a few other Liberal Democrat candidates who believe they might form the next government.


Glossectomy: Removal of all or part of the tongue, often prescribed by Peter Mandelson for John Prescott, Diane Abbott and Ken Livingstone.


Infantile Spasms: Seizure induced in politicians by Jeremy Paxman repeatedly barking the phrase, “For God’s sake, answer the bloody question”!


Premature Ejaculation: Unguarded comment made by a Labour politician that is later “explained more fully” by Labour’s rapid rebuttal unit.


(courtesy of Joe Joseph of The Times)



Eighteen Biographies of Margaret Thatcher


1975      Margaret Thatcher: First Lady of the House, Ernle Money, Leslie Frewin

1975      Margaret Thatcher, George Gardiner MP, William Kimber

1975      Margaret Thatcher: A Personal & Political Biography , Russell Lewis, Routledge

1978      Margaret Thatcher: A Tory & Her Party, Patrick Cosgrave, Hutchinson

1978      Margaret Thatcher: A Profile, Patricia Murray, W H Allen

1979      Madam Prime Minister, Allan Mayer, Newsweek Books (US)

1983      Thatcher , Nicholas Wapshott & George Brock, Macdonald

1983      Margaret Thatcher: Wife, Mother, Politician, Penny Junor, Sidgwick & Jackson

1984      Margaret Thatcher: A Study in Power, Bruce Arnold, Hamish Hamilton 

1985      Thatcher: The First Term, Patrick Cosgrave, Bodley Head

1988      Thatcher, Kenneth Harris, Weidenfeld & Nicolson

1989      Margaret Thatcher: The Woman Within, Andrew Thomson, W H Allen

1989      Margaret Daughter of Beatrice, Leo Abse, Jonathan Cape

1989      One of Us, Hugo Young, Macmillan

1990      Maggie: An intimate portrait of a woman in power, Chris Ogden, Simon & Schuster (US)

1992      Margaret Thatcher In Victory & Downfall, Bruce Geelhoed, Praeger (US)

1993      Downing Street Years, Margaret Thatcher, Harper Collins

1995      Path to Power, Margaret Thatcher, Harper Collins





Ten Things John Major Won’t Say Sorry For


  1. Sacking Norman Lamont
  2. Goosing Gillian Shepherd after the last ever Cabinet meeting
  3. That clumsy overture he made to Sue Lawley
  4. Tucking his shirt into his underpants
  5. Spreading rumours about Tony Blair’s imminent baldness
  6. Recording a song called “Nobody Loves a Loser”
  7. Having 3 in a bed fantasies about Ian Botham and a cricket bat
  8. Leaving those chewing gum relics under the Number Ten sitting room carpet
  9. Liking peas
  10. Terry Major-Ball


Politicians Who Have Appeared in the Movies or on TV Playing Themselves


Ed Koch (The Muppets Take Manhatten, 1984)

Michael Foot (Rockets Galore, 1958)

Gough Whitlam (Barry McKenzie holds his own, 1974)

Hubert Humphrey (The Candidate, 1972)

Yitzhak Rabin (Operation Thunderbolt, 1977)

Harold MacMillan (The Archers)

Margaret Thatcher (Yes Prime Minister sketch, 198?)

Nancy Astor (Royal Cavalcade, 1935)

Bella Abzug (Manhatten, 1979)

Sebastian Coe (Brittas Empire, 1993)

George McGovern (The Candidate, 1972)

Hubert Humphrey (The Candidate, 1972)


Ten Actors who have played Margaret Thatcher


Sylvia Sims

Janet Hargreaves

Janet Brown

Faith Brown

Angela Thorne

Steve Nallon

Mike Yarwood

June Whitfield

Maureen Lipman

Meryl Streep


Top Ten Campaign Promises Tony Blair is Sorry he Made


1 To bomb France back to the First Republic

2 To privatise the British Library through QVC

3 To bring more lightweight pretty boys into the Party

4 To reveal at first Prime Ministers questions John Prescott’s IQ

5 To abandon the use of verbs

6 To invite Tony Booth to the victory celebrations

7 To give an interview to Dr Ruth

8 Not to raise taxes

9 A referendum on PR - Paddy can go to  hell

10 To make Frank Dobson Secretary of State for Health








Top Ten John Major Excuses for Losing the 1997 Election


1 Blamed Norma for that hideous lipstick

2 He just knew along May Day wasn’t such a good day to hold and election

3 Brian Mawhinney didn’t smile enough at press conferences

4 Number plate on election battle bus read DUD 1

5 Michael Brunson kept using the words Major and ‘loser’ in the same sentence on News at Ten

6 Forgot to wear lucky underpants

7 Used Geoffrey Howe to warm up campaign crowds

8 Three day campaign tour on Guernsey was a mistake

9 Fell for Blair’s “you vote for me and I’ll vote for you” pledge

10 An endorsement from former Canadian PM Kim Campbell was maybe not such a good idea


Top Ten Ways to Make Ed Miliband more Exciting


1 Kill a man with kung fu kick on Panorama

2 Dump Justine and marry her fourteen year old cousin

3 Change campaign slogan from ‘Fresh Start’ to ‘Fresh Beaver’

4 Answer questions on Question Time with “D’know, I was too pissed to remember’

5 Hang out with Liam Gallagher

6 Shave head completely

7 Outdo Tony Blair by refusing to use nouns as well as verbs

8 Take weekend break on Club 18-30 holiday in Benidorm

9 Go to celeb party with Tiffany from Eastenders

10 Go on Stars in Their Eyes and say “And tonight Matthew, I’m going to be Shirley Bassey”


Top Ten Ways to Make Communism Fun Again


1 Spell it with a K

2 Have Castro do a guest slot on the Clive Anderson Show

3 Add mechanical shark attraction at Lenin’s Tomb

4 Have Christian Dior introduce new “Khmer Rouge”

5 Give everybody red birthmark  to wear on forehead

6 Have Deng Xiaopeng cry during interview with Selina Scott

7 Less centralised economic planning, more PARTY!

8 Free vodka

9 Rename St Petersburg ‘Leningrad in association with McDonald’s’

10 Free Brezhnev eyebrow makeovers


Top Ten Reasons to Increase MPs’ Salaries


1 Many big companies are cutting back on bribes

2 Most Soho bars have raised their cover charges

3 Our nation’s lawmakers ought to make at least one tenth of Kermit the Frog’s income

4 To keep the money out of the hands of those undeserving nurses and teachers

5 Even an estate agent earns more

6 Mistresses are expensive

7 That new Daimler just eats up the petrol

8 Leather costs

9 Consultancy just isn’t what it used to be

10 Those bastards at IPSA










Top Ten Reasons to Vote


1 The chance to take a deep breath in a high school gymnasium

2 Good practice for voting for a Song for Europe

3 So you’ll feel personally involved when you MP is hauled off to jail

4 Even though it’s never come close to happening, your one vote could make a difference

5 You’ll feel so self righteous if the other lot get in and muck things up

6 If you don’t vote you can’t whinge about how terrible things are

7 You get a kick out of spoiling your ballot paper

8 You hate to be in the minority

9 You just love giving a false polling number to the saddos outside the polling station

10 If you can’t beat ‘em…


Top Ten Ways France is Preparing for a Single Currency (Written in 1998)


1 Dialing 999

2 Kissing plenty of German ass

3 Going a really long time without a shower

4 Installing speed bumps to slow the Panzers down

5 Cutting bedsheets into easy to wave white rectangles

6 Shaving armpits in celebration

7 Preparing TV Documentary on why the Brits needn’t have bothered on June 6 1944

8 Nicole tells Papa to trade in the Clio for a Merc

9 President Chirac proposes changing the country’s name to West Germany

10 Charles de Gaulle turns in his grave


Top Ten Signs That You’re Politically Correct


1 You’re a white male, but feel very guilty about it

2 You separate all your rubbish into different containers for recycling

3 You make sure that your make-up has not been tested on animals

4 Your CD collection includes mandatory discs by KD Lang, U2, REM, Sinead O’Connor and    Sting

5 You believe that if an animal is cute, furry, huggable or rare then it has rights

6 You used phrases like, ‘Isn’t that pot called the Kettle Afro-Carribean?’

7 You can’t abide Men Behaving Badly

8 You don’t go ape when you find out your daughter has tried marijuana even though you want to

9 You watch BBC2 documentaries on the third world even though in your heart of hearts you know you’ll be dead bored

10 You don’t really mind if your local council gives money to one legged black disabled lesbian groups


Top Ten Things Which would be Different if the Prime Minister were a Dog


1 Labour Party HQ replaced by 20 storey high fire hydrant

2 Abolition of Pets Mean Prizes

3 Capital Punishment restored for Dale Winton

4 Doggy door on Number Ten

5 Dog biscuits on the NHS

6 Compulsory sterilisation for all cats

7 Life sentences for tail dockers

8 Battersea Dog’s Home to be renovated and replace Chequers as PM’s country residence

9 First Lady to be renamed First Bitch

10 PM to have the mandatory right to shag the legs of all fellow Cabinet Ministers









Top Ten Ways Cherie Blair Could Improve her Image


1 Move her eyes closer together

2 Never be seen with Hilary Clinton

3 Appear on TV as Julia Brogan in Brookside

4 Have an operation to remove the 666 from her scalp

5 Make prank call to Tony on the Jimmy Young show pretending to be a secret lover

6 Stop wearing the “All men are stupid” T Shirt

7 Comb her hair

8 Get rid of THAT nightie

9 When kissing Tony in public, get the timing right

10 Learn to buy her kids some decent clothes


Ten Football Personalities who Vote Conservative


1 Ken Bates

2 Sir John Hall

3 Jimmy Greaves

4 John Barnes

5 Gerry Francis

6 Tony Cottee

7 Emlyn Hughes

8 Lawrie McMenemy

9 Terry Venables

10 Er, David Mellor


Ten Things in Politics you would have Thought Impossible 20 Years Ago


1  Margaret Thatcher isn’t Prime Minister anymore

2  John Major was

3 The coal mines would be privatised

4 What the European Commission says, goes

5 John Prescott would be taken seriously

6 Neil Kinnock would be a European Commissioner

7 Ken Clarke would still be in Government

8 Teresa Gorman would still be 53

9 South Africa would be ruled by Nelson Mandela

10 The Russians are now our allies


Top Ten Signs your MP is Going Mad


1 He appears concerned about his constituents

2 Demonstrates his support for the beef industry by force feeding beefburgers to his 7 year old girl

3 Complains that Disraeli won’t reply to his letters

4 He wants to be called Glenda

5 Demands that each of the 74 voices in his head deserves a vote

6 You live in Billericay

7 Introduces a Bill to replace the National Anthem with “On the Good Ship Lollypop”

8 Urges the despatch of a brigade of boy scouts to retake France

9 He seriously thought John Redwood would help him win

10 He supports  the introduction of a windfall tax



Ten Politicians with  Odd  Hobbies


1 Harry Greenway - parachuting

2 Audrey Wise - rearing chickens

3 Edwina Currie - rifle shooting

4 Dennis Skinner - heel & toe walking

5 Ken Livingstone - collecting newts

6 John MacGregor - performing magic tricks

7 Sir Edward Heath - Sailing & Conducting (but not at the same time)

8 Kenneth Clarke - Bird Watching

9 Robin Cook - Writing Tipsters column in ‘Sporting Life’

10 Sir Anthony Steen - Connoisseur of fine teas


Ten Politicians Who Have Appeared in TV or Newspaper Adverts


1 David Amess (Bananarama’s Greatest Hits)

2 Norman St John Stevas (Bananarama’s Greatest Hits)

3 Ken Livingstone (National Dairy Council Cheeses)

4 Ted Heath (National Dairy Council Cheese)

5 David Steel (Nat West)

6 Cyril Smith (Access)

7 Ronald Reagan (General Electric)

8 Lord George Brown (Normandy Ferries)

9 Sir Clement Freud (Minced Morsels)

10 Ron Brown (Bananarama’s Greatest Hits)


Top Ten Political Movies


1 Paris By Night

2 Dave

3 Bob Roberts


5 Nixon

6 Damage

7 An American President

8 Reds

9 Washington Behind Closed Doors

10 Independence Day


Twenty Football Clubs with Political Supporters


Celtic - Brian Wilson

Chelsea - John Major, David Mellor, Tony Banks

Everton - Steve Norris, Alan Simpson

Falkirk - Doug Henderson

Hearts - George Foulkes

Huddersfield Town - Harold Wilson

Leeds United - James Clappison

Manchester United - Tom Pendry

Motherwell - Ann Taylor

Newcastle United - Tony Blair

Nottingham Forest - Kenneth Clarke

Plymouth Argyle - Michael Foot

Port Vale - Joan Walley

Sheffield Wednesday - Roy Hattersley

Stockport County - Peter Snape

Sunderland - Hilary Armstrong

Swansea City - Michael Howard

Swindon Town - Nigel Jones

West Ham - Mike Gapes

York City - John Greenway







Top Twenty Nicknames for Mrs Thatcher


1 Thatcher - Milk Snatcher - The Sun

2 Heather (Private Eye)

3 Mother - Tory MPs

4 Grocer’s Daughter - Valery Giscard D’Estaing

5 Man with tits - Maureen Colquhoun MP

6 Plutonium Blonde - Arthur Scargill

7 David Owen in drag - Rhodesia Herald

8 That Bloody Woman - various

9 Nanny of the nation - Germaine Greer

10 Old iron knickers - Ron Brown

11 The old cow - Richard Needham MP

12 Wicked witch of the west - Gerald Kaufman

13 Thieving magpie - Gerald Kaufman

14 Thatchertollah - Neil Kinnock

15 The Blessed Margaret - Norman St John Stevas

16 The immaculate misconception - Norman St John Stevas

17 Attilla the Hen from Number 10 - Arthur Scargill

18 Bargain Basement Boadicea - Denis Healey

19 TINA (There Is NO Alternative) - Private Eye

20 Baroness Belgrano - Edward Pearce


Top Thirty Political Nicknames


Hezza - Michael Heseltine

Tarzan - Michael Heseltine

RAB - R A Butler

Chingford Skinhead - Norman Tebbit

Chips - Henry Channon

Cruella de Ville - Edwina Currie

Comeback Kid - Bill Clinton

Slick Willie - Bill Clinton

Supermac - Harold Macmillan

Shagger - Steve Norris

Boneless Wonder - Ramsay MacDonald

Boy David - David Steel

Hatterji - Roy Hattersley

Ms Hairperson - Harriet Harman

Dr Death - David Owen

Woy - Roy Jenkins

Welsh Windbag - Neil Kinnock

Supergrass - Ian Gow

Minister for Fun - David Mellor

Mogadon Man - Sir Geoffrey Howe

Biffo - John Biffen

Biffo - Geoffrey Dickens (said to stand for Bloody Ignorant Fool From Oldham!)

Lord Suit - Lord Young of Graffham

Afghan Ron - Ron Brown

Paddy Pantsdown - Paddy Ashdown

Red Ken - Ken Livingstone

Sunny Jim - James Callaghan

Worzel Gummidge - Michael Foot

Gum Gum - John Gummer

The Lip - Helmut Schmidt






Sixteen Names Denis Healey called Margaret Thatcher


Bargain Basement Boadecia

Catherine the Great of Finchley

Great She Elephant

La Passionara of Privilege


Rhoda the Rhino

Winston Churchill in drag

Attila the Hen

The lady with the blowlamp

Petain in petticoats

Castro of the Western World

Calamity Jane

Dragon Empress

Miss Floggie

The Incredible Revolving Maggie

The parrot on Ronald Reagan’s shoulder


Tony Blair’s New Year’s Resolutions for 1999


  1. Take more notice of that Harman woman’s ass
  2. Not to worry about the hair loss - no, really
  3. To use more verbs
  4. Occasionally to disagree with Peter Mandelson
  5. To ditch that plank Dobson
  6. Tell people to ‘Call me Anthony’
  7. Improve approval ratings to 110%
  8. Hand William Hague a baby’s dummy at PM’s Question Time and tell him to ‘Go suck on it’
  9. Do something about the Ford Galaxy

10. Buy some new brown paper bags - if you get my meaning


Top Ten Signs Tony Blair Thinks he’s Margaret Thatcher


  1. Wanders round Number Ten shrieking ‘Rejoice, Rejoice’
  2. Keeps calling Alastair Campbell Bernard
  3. Keeps a close check on Euan’s bank account
  4. Keeps pouring Gin & Tonic down Cherie’s neck
  5. Describes Peter Mandelson as “One of Them” as opposed to “One of Us”
  6. After Lords defeat on fox hunting announces “I fight on. I fight to win”
  7. Tells close confidant that “Every Prime Minister Needs a Peter”
  8. Gazes lovingly into US President’s eyes at summit meeting
  9. Upon meeting Boris Yeltsin declares:  “I like Mr Yeltsin. We can do business together”
  10. Following Prescott’s resignation a bewildered Blair describes him in interview with Brian Walden as “unassailable”


Ten Ways to Raise Money for the Conservative Party


  1. Put condom machine in Opposition whips office
  2. Send Virginia Bottomley out to work, if you get my drift
  3. Make a quick £3 million by renaming Party “Big Mac Conservative Party”
  4. Open Margaret Thatcher Theme Park on former site of Central Office….on second thoughts
  5. Cosy up to Asil Nadir
  6. Sell off excess supplies of Cecil Parkinson brylcream
  7. Win the lottery
  8. Set light to Michael Heseltine and claim on the insurance
  9. Hold a sponsored ‘lie  a thon’
  10. Pay Neil and Christine to shup the f*** up



Tony Blair’s Worst Nightmares


  1. Answering the phone and hearing “Hi Tone, it’s the Scouse Git here”
  2. Waking up and finding May 1 1997 was an April Fool’s joke - one month late
  3. At one his “Talk to Tony” meetings the whole audience consists of Jeremy Paxman
  4. Running out of Chianti
  5. Forgetting the word ‘new’.
  6. Something involving Prescott and a sheep
  7. Neil Kinnock makes speech hinting at return to British politics
  8. John Smith makes surprise guest appearance on X Files
  9. David Blunkett abolished grant maintained schools
  10. Cherie is made redundant


Ten Signs John Redwood is Trying to be Human


  1. Loosens tie during foreplay
  2. Appears on Kilroy show minus trousers
  3. Starts hanging around with Gary Barlow
  4. Rollerblades to the Commons
  5. Shows off Star Trek video collection during Through the Keyhole with Lloyd Grossman
  6. Willing to suffer a repeat humiliation from Clive Anderson
  7. Appears on the Mrs Merton show in string vest
  8. Refuses to use the words ‘logical’ and captain’ in the same sentence
  9. Trades in Jag for a Ford Ka
  10. Encourages wife to ditch cushy British Airways legal job for trolley dolly vacancy


Ten Signs Cherie Booth Thinks She’s Hillary Clinton


  1. She expresses a desire to personally reform the National Health Service
  2. She denies murdering the Attorney General
  3. Always got a downer on Chelsea
  4. Looks at her husband in that doe eyed kind of a way
  5. Holds hands with her husband in public
  6. Goes pale at Tony’s suggestion for a whitewater rafting holiday
  7. Wears a badge saying ‘Proud to be a Lawyer’
  8. Urges Tony to get a tattoo down below just like Bill’s
  9. Puts phone down upon hearing the words: “Hi, I’m Paula Jones”
  10. Doesn’t like these secret meetings with a blonde called Margaret


Ten Politicians who have Appeared on Have I Got News For You


1. Roy Hattersley

2. Edwina Currie

3. Jerry Hayes

4. Cecil Parkinson

5. Nigel Lawson

6. Diane Abbott

7. Neil Hamilton

8. Neil Kinnock

9. Ken Livingstone

10. Tony Banks









Top Ten Ways to Let a 20 Point Opinion Poll Lead Slip


1. Make a speech on how we should give the Falklands to Argentina after all

2. Hire Mr Blobby as your campaign manager

3. Appear on Noel’s House Party receiving a massage from Julian Clary

4. Sanction special guest appearance by Peter Tatchell at final campaign rally

5. Appear on Breakfast with Frost and announce an alliance with Paddy Ashdown

6. Authorise Photo opportunity at local swimming baths with Prescott and Hattersley

7. Be filmed leaving Thatcher house by the back door after secret tryst

8. Change your name to George Herbert Walker Bush

  1. Authorise sending of free CD of Cliff’s Greatest Hits to all first time voters

10. Appear at Sheffield campaign rally shouting; “alright, alright, alright” in a Welsh accent


Top Ten Rejected Titles for John Major’s Memoirs


  1. “Nice, nicer, nicest”
  2. “Six and Out”
  3. “Fade to Grey”
  4. “Nice peas”
  5. “Who’d Have Thought It?”
  6. “Serves the Bastards Right”
  7. “Me and the Flapping White Coats”
  8. “A Not Inconsiderable Memoir”
  9. “Memoirs of the Eighth Longest Serving Prime Minister this Century, oh yes”
  10. “Tough luck Rory Bremner”


Top Ten Things Overheard at the Parliamentary Picnics


1. “Prescott sure looks good in those cycling shorts”


2. “No Miss Widdecombe, you don’t put the potato sack over your head - on second thoughts…”


3 .“Isn’t that Chris Smith and Ben Bradshaw slow dancing?”


4. “Put your pants on Mr Ashdown”


5 .“Could I have another tax-payer subsidised sausage roll, please?”


6. “I could think of another use for that wicker hamper…”


7. “Shame Neil & Christine couldn’t be here.”


  1. “When I said let’s put the rug down I wasn’t referring to Michael Fabricant”


  1. “Shame Hague couldn’t be here - guess it’s past his bedtime”


10. “I don’t think that’s what you’re supposed to do with the egg mayonaise Lord Parkinson”


Top Ten Unbelievable Political Headlines


1 Thatcher Challenges for Leadership

2 Pitchforks for Iraq Scandal

3 Hague Borrows Fabricant’s Hair

4 Blair Steps Down in favour of Prescott

5 Neil Hamilton to Host Call my Bluff

6 Mandelson Says No to Free TV Coverage

7 Taxes Fall Under Labour

8 Tories Pledge 30% Health Spending Rise

9 Jonathan Dimbleby Blasts Patten

10 Tories Odds on to Win Next Election


Thirty Five Celebrities who support the Conservatives


Bill Roache (Ken Barlow in Coronation Street)

Steve Davis

Fred Trueman

Terry Neil

Lynsey De Paul

Sharon Davies

Brian Jacks

Neil Adams

Emlyn Hughes

Jimmy Greaves

Ken Dodd

Jack Walker

Duncan Goodhew

Ian Botham

Bob Monkhouse

Jim Davidson

Jimmy Tarbuck

Cilla Black

Tony Cottee

Nick Faldo

Janet Brown

Ronnie Corbett

Adam Faith

Clive Lloyd

Judith Chalmers

Stan Boardman

Errol Brown

Zandra Rhodes

Bryan Forbes

Nanette Newman

Susanne Dando

Bob Champion

Michael Winner

Sir Peregrine Worsthorne


Twenty Celebrities Who Support Labour


Pat Nevin

Tom Watts

Melvyn Bragg

Billy Bragg

Neil Pearson

Brian Clough

Alex Ferguson

Kevin Keegan

Richard Wilson

Stephen Fry

Ben Elton

Jo Brand

Hugh Laurie

Alan Sillitoe

Geraldine Bedell

Hunter Davies

Christopher Haskins 

Nigella Lawson

Billy Bragg

John Mortimer

Five Celebrities who support the Liberal Democrats


John Cleese

Ludovic Kennedy

Edward Woodward

Peter Ustinov

Brenda Maddox


Seven Famous Political Marriages


John Maples & Jane Corbin (Tory MP & BBC Journalist)

Keith Hampson & Sue Cameron (Tory MP & Channel Four presenter)

Michael Howard & Sandra Paul (Tory MP & former model)

Senator John Warner & Elizabeth Taylor (US Senator & British actress)

Michael Foot & Jill Craigie (Labour politician and authoress)

Gordon & Bridget Prentice (Labour MP & Labour MP!)

Alan & Ann Keen (Labour MP & Labour MP!)


Eight Occasions When Politicians Have Cried in Public


Mrs Thatcher when Mark was lost in the desert

Mrs Thatcher during an interview with Michael Brunson

Mrs Thatcher during an interview with Miriam Stoppard

Bob Hawke (when he admitted being unfaithful to his wife)

Senator Ed Muskie (when asked about his wife’s drinking)

President Ford (when congratulating Jimmy Carter on his victory in 1980)

Rep. Pat Schroder (announcing that she would not run for President in 1988)

Benazir Bhutto (voting for herself in 1988)


Seven Actor Politicians


Shirley Temple

Sony Bono

Andrew Faulds

Glenda Jackson

Nana Mouskouri

Charlton Heston

Clint Eastwood


Ten Famous Political Homes


The Binns - Tam Dalyell

The Hirsel - Sir Alec Douglas Home

Blair House - home of the US Vice President

Chequers - Country residence of the Prime Minister

Chevening - Country residence of the Foreign Secretary

Dorneywood - Country residence of the Chancellor of the Exchequer

Cliveden - home of the Astor Family

Admiralty House - Used by Prime Ministers when 10 Downing Street is unavailable

Camp David - Presidential retreat in Maryland’s Catoctin Mountains, originally built in 1942 by President Roosevelt

Chartwell - Home of Winston Churchill









Top Ten Alternative Jobs for Politicians


1 Tony Blair - Actor in a Colgate advert

2 John Major - Actor in a  black and white movie

3 Alan Clark - Sperm donor

4 William Hague - Peter Pan

5 John Prescott - Telly Tubby

6 Margaret Hodge - Clothes Horse

7 Andrew Smith - Dalek replacement

8 Robin Cook - Garden gnome

9 Tony Banks - Pearly King

10 Margaret Beckett - Number 3 in the 3.30 at Newmarket


Top Ten Politician’s Names for Voters


1 Dipsticks

2 Potential Shags

3 The enfranchised ones

4 Those whom we serve

5 Those who know not what they do

6 The bosses

7 The little people

8 Ordinary people

9 The bribable masses

10 Those who giveth and taketh away


Top Ten Good Things About Being Prime Minister


1 Every day, your weight in 10ps from the Dartford Tunnel tollbooth

2 It’s the second most powerful position in the country - behind the editor of The Sun

3 Full control of the nuclear arsenal, aimed at a country of your prejudice

4 You’re not married to Anne Heseltine

5 Being able to visit high school gymnasiums at a time of your choice

6 People always telling you what you want to hear

7 Being able to spend, spend, spend

8 You finally get to settle all those scores

9 Subscription free access to CNN

10 Speeding through red lights in a chauffeur driven Daimler


Top Ten Good Things About Being Deputy Prime Minister


1 All the fun with none of the responsibility

2 Allowed to pick any voter at random and spend their taxes on whatever you like

3 You’re not married to Cherie

4 Get to pretend to be PM when Tony’s away

5 Er, that’s it


Top Ten Signs Tony Blair has Become ‘Hip’


1 Loosens tie during intimate game with Cherie

2 Opens Prime Minister’s Question Time with “Awright Will?”

3 He’s been shooting the shit  with Liam Gallacher

4 Cherie’s knackered, if you get the drift

5 Recently seen tapping foot to a Sister Sledge CD

6 Heard screaming abuse at the referee at a Newcastle soccer game

7 Tells Bill Clinton he inhaled

8 Swaps Ford Galaxy people mover for Audi Cabriolet

9 Annoys the neighbours with Def Leppard guitar impersonation

10 Repaints Number Ten door in turquoise


Ten Things You’d Love to Hear Politicians Say But Never Will


1 Margaret Thatcher: I was wrong

2 Tony Blair: I’ll never smile again

3 Gerry Adams: I unreservedly condemn the IRA’s bombing

4 Norman Lamont: Je regrette tous

5 Michael Heseltine: I’ve given up hope of being Prime Minister

6 Reverend Ian Paisley: And top of the morning to you Mr Adams

7 Alex Salmond: Scotland could never survive on its own

8 Ted Heath: Margaret, I apologise

9 Neil Kinnock: I’m as jealous as hell

10 Teresa Gorman: I can’t wait to spend my Euros


Ten Ways of Knowing When a Politician is Telling a Lie


1 His lips are moving

2 He doesn’t look you in the eye

3 He repeats himself

4 He drums his fingers

5 Liberal use of the word ‘er’

6 His bald patch starts to sweat

7 Starts telling you the question you ought to be asking him

8 Slags of his opponents

9 Immediately launches into defence of his Party’s record regardless of the question

10 Foot tapping turns into St Vitas Dance


Ten Reasons to Vote for the Green Party


1 You have a beard

2 It’s more meaningful than voting Liberal Democrat

3 You work for a sandal manufacturer

4 That Sarah Parkinson seemed such a nice lady

5 You feel guilty for buying that extra gallon of 4 star for your 5 litre Pontiac Trans Am

6  You feel as a vegetarian it’s your duty

7 At least they believe what they’re saying, even if it is complete balls

8 You’ve always wanted to till the land

9 You feel sorry for them

10 Someone ought to


Twelve Translations for the Politically Incorrect


1 Class warfare:  Nicking a ham roll from Asda

2 Elitist:  Someone who owns a bigger house than you do

3 Fascist: Someone who you don’t agree with

4 Bourgeois:  Anyone who shops at Laura Ashley

5 Tory Press: Fails to report your press release on the Newham Labour Party coffee morning

6 Sexist: Watching “Girls on Top”

7 Racist: Failing to watch Desmond’s

8 Culturally Dispossessed: Anyone who reads Jeffrey Archer novels

9 Person of gender: A babe

10 Pro-choice: In favour of killing babies

11 Temporally Challenged: Shirley Williams

12 Career Change Opportunity: You’re fired








Forty Two Translations of Things Politicians Say


1 My good friend….                                     Someone who is not a sworn enemy

2 Freedom fighter                                         Terrorist whose aims I agree with

3 Terrorist                                                    Freedom fighter whose aims I disagree with

4 Courageous                                               Politically stupid

5 Divisive                                                    Any policy put forward by the opposition

6 I’m not a crook                                          I am a crook

7 Our European partners                               Those wogs over the channel who are trying to screw us

8 The Right Honourable Member                 That prat over the other side

9 Environmentalists                                     Sandal wearing tree huggers

10 I did not mean to imply                           I certainly did mean to imply

11 I take full responsibility                           My civil servants should take full responsibility

12 Freedom of the individual                        Freedom to infringe the rights of other individuals

13 In the national interest                             In my party’s interest

14 Read my lips                                           But I don’t really mean it

15 Urban renewal                                         Pouring public money into a bottomless pit

16 Tax cut                                                    Election bribe

17 Rumour                                                   It must be true

18 Special relationship                                 One which allows the American to do what they want

19 Poverty                                                    Owning a black and white television

20 This will create a dangerous precedent     We might have to do it again

21 Decentralisation of government               Moving government agencies to marginal seats

22 It’s not the money, it’s the principle         It’s the money

23 It’s a question of priorities                       And our priority right now is not to do it

24 Few people are likely to be affected         Many people will be affected

25 I’ve been quoted out of context                I wish I’d never said it

26 I said it off the record                              I really wish I’d never said it

27 We are examining all the possibilities      To wheedle our way out of it

28 Measures will be enacted within the         We’re putting it off indefinitely

lifetime of this Parliament

29 We’re on course                                      We’re in terrible trouble

30 That is a simplistic view                          It’s true but I’m not going to admit it

31 Full and frank exchange                          Blazing row

32 Businesslike talks                                    Heated and determined exchange

33 Frank                                                       Shouting match

34 Constructive                                            Polite but without agreement

35 Let me say this                                        Listen carefully, I’m about to tell a lie

36 No disrespect, but                                    I’m going to insult you

37 Emerging nation                                      Backward country run by natives

38 Active defence                                         Invasion

40 Plausible denial                                       Official lying

41 Temporarily unsalaried                            Unemployed

42 Advanced defence condition                    War


Things you Should Never Say if you Meet Bill Clinton


1 Hello, I’m Gennifer Flowers

2 Hello, I’m Paula Jones

3 How’s the tattoo?

4 So how exactly did Vince Foster die?

5 So what was Vietnam really like?

6 Have you ever got off with Madeleine Albright?

7 Mr President, I feel your pain

8 John Major just loves to watch Chelsea score

9 Do you want to go whitewater rafting?

10 Name me ten things you and Ted Kennedy have in common






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Cook & Paxton, European Political Facts 1918-90, Macmillan 1991

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